It's My Party
by Oynnej
Summary: Lily discovers her boyfriend snogging another girl one night and decides the only way to get him back is to give him a taste of his own medicine. She enlists the help of the Marauders. Rating has been increased by request.
1. Chapter 1

1.

This had to be, by far, the _worst_ moment of her entire life.

Lily Evans watched the horrific scene with her eyes wide, her mouth open, and the bottle of butterbeer she had previously been sipping slowly draining all over her brand new sandals, forming a pool at her feet. 

And she didn't care one bit.

Because _this_ really was, the worst moment of her entire life. 

_20 minutes earlier…_

"Happy birthday, Lily!"

"Thanks, Benjy!"

Lily beamed at the pile of presents forming by the front door, growing bigger and bigger with each new arrival to her eighteenth birthday party. If she had known she could get this many gifts out of her fellow students she would have had a birthday party like this years ago. Her smile only broadened as Benjy Fenwick added a very large box to the top of the pile.

"Butterbeer for the birthday girl?"

"Cheers," Lily continued to grin, taking the bottle from the dark haired girl beside her. Dorcas Meadows was Lily's best friend, and had been since the first day of term when they met on the Hogwarts express. It was Dorcas who had persuaded Lily to agree to this party, along with their fellow dorm mate, Emmeline Vance. Lily was glad they had succeed, she decided as she looked around the room, even if they had nagged the hell out of her for three days in the process.

The party was being held at Emmeline's house, as it was the Christmas holidays. The girls were very grateful to her parents for giving them free reign of the house and providing the food and drinks. Lily presumed they felt sorry for her for not having parents of her own to organise such an event. She hated being pitied, but perhaps it had been worth it just this once.

Emmeline's father's gramophone had been set up in the main room, blasting out a combination of Muggle and Wizarding party tunes. A lot of the guests had congregated around it for dancing and everyone seemed to be having a great time. They had invited all the seventh years, even the ones they didn't like, and a number of Lily's friends from the younger Gryffindor years. Everyone had RSVP'd, bar the odd Slytherin, which was a fantastic accomplishment considering it wasn't the summer holidays. It seemed everyone invited had been sure to go home for Christmas in order to celebrate the Head Girl's eighteenth in January. Lily couldn't be more flattered.

"Last ones to arrive as usual," Dorcas snorted, inclining her head in the direction of the doorway. Lily glanced up to see four jovial looking boys entering the party, instantly receiving a large number of greetings from people already in the room. The shortest of the four dropped a gift onto the pile, while the tallest of the four made a beeline for the refreshment table. The remaining two set themselves up by the fireplace, talking amongst themselves and looking around at the other party goers. 

"It's called being _fashionably late_," Emmeline informed them as she approached, flipping her long hair and eyeing the tall boy as he made his way back to the group. "No body cool actually turns up _on time_ to a party, you know."

Lily laughed. "We've been here all day."

"Oh." Emmeline's expression turned suddenly dismal.

"Let's go say hello," Dorcas said, linking her arm with Lily's. "You're the host after all. Emmeline can show Sirius her new dress."

"Oh shut up," Emmeline clucked, flipping her hair once more. "He'll come to me, just you see."

"Hmm, you're a poet," Lily smiled, before taking a sip of her butterbeer. The boy on the opposite side of the room - the one with glasses - mimicked her, giving her a short nod of acknowledgement as he lowered his bottle. She smiled briefly before detangling herself from Dorcas. "Maybe later. Have you seen John?" she asked, looking over the heads of the many people around the room. "He said he was going to the loo; he's been ages."

Dorcas snorted. "He didn't try Emmeline's dip, did he? He'll be in there a while."

"Shut up," Emmeline cried again, reaching across Lily to give their friend a playful shove. "People love my dip."

Dorcas muttered something incoherent, and no doubt insulting, into her punch cup.

"I thought I saw him talking to Judy Webster earlier," Emmeline added thoughtfully, glancing toward the refreshment table. "Over there." The boy in question was nowhere to be seen and she shrugged. "Let's go dance or something – I feel like dancing."

"She _feels_ like shaking her arse for Sirius' viewing pleasure," Dorcas muttered to Lily.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Dorcas beamed at her blonde friend, lowering her cup to the table behind them. "All right show off, let's go." Emmeline grinned, quickly knocking back the last of her butterbeer. "Coming Lily?"

"Later," Lily nodded. "Let me finish my drink." The two friends disappeared from view, leaving Lily to look for John on her own.

John Willis was a seventh year Hufflepuff, and Lily's current boyfriend. He was handsome and popular, and it had always been 'just a matter of time' before the good looking, Quidditch playing prefect got together with the Gryffindor beauty queen. Some people said they belonged together, and after six months of a successful relationship, Lily was really beginning to think so too. She loved spending time with him in and out of class; he always knew how to make her smile; and she had never known a better kisser. Physically, they still had quite a way to go, but Lily knew that tonight was going to be the night all that changed…

If she could only find him.

"Evans, great party!"

Reluctantly she paused on her way out the room to greet her guest, coming face to face with the four boys she had noticed earlier; the Marauders.

"Oh, thanks guys."

"Happy Birthday," Remus Lupin added, raising his cup to her. "Mine's the big present on top."

Lily smirked. "Really now? I seem to remember Benjy Fenwick arriving with one just like it."

"Fancy that," Peter Pettigrew sniggered into his punch.

A crude whistle sounded from her left. "Nice frock Evans; you wear that just for me?"

"Who else?" she responded playfully, giving the tall Sirius Black a flirty smile. "It's new, actually. Do you like it?"

"Very sexy."

She laughed.

"Congratulations," James Potter added a moment later, catching her attention. He smiled at her, hesitantly, as he had done from across the room earlier. One hand held his butterbeer in front of him and the other was fixed in his pocket until he removed it suddenly to draw her into a sort of half-hug. Lily obliged him, but it was awkwardly rigid and each avoided eye contact for a second as they pulled away.

James Potter was Head Boy this year and he and Lily spent a considerable amount of time together in meetings and on patrol. That could be considered quite acceptable if it wasn't for the fact Lily Evans and James Potter shared an awkward history. They had been friends until their fourth year, in which James had developed a crush on the redhead. But the public way in which he advertised his affection had made things rather uncomfortable for Lily. Hostilities ensued as James became desperate, showing off frequently at other people's expense and often bribing her to go out with him. When it seemed she was never going to give in they slowly drifted apart, until eventually they barely even spoke to one another any more. It wasn't until this final year that they were forced back into each other's company again as they were chosen to Head the school. So far they had attempted to make amends but they remained very distant.

"Have you seen John?" Lily asked suddenly, hoping to ease the silence that had fallen amongst the group.

James shook his head. "Sorry," Remus added. "Can't say I have."

"Never mind," Lily sighed, glancing over her shoulder. "I'll see if he's in the kitchen," she added, backing away from the boys. "Have a good night – thanks for coming."

Lily, however, didn't need to look very far. As she turned, John himself appeared in the doorway, a Ravenclaw girl called Judy Webster in his wake. "Excuse me," Judy smiled, pushing passed the two.

"Hey, enjoying your birthday?" John grinned, pulling Lily into a hug that was decidedly warmer than James Potters. He kissed the top of her head. "I was looking for you out there."

"I was looking for you," she replied, leaning into him more. They remained like that for a moment, just embracing each other silently until she felt John lower his head, whispering into her ear.

"About tonight-" 

She pulled away slightly to look him in the face. His blue eyes seemed heavy lidded, lustful.

"-You're still coming back to my place, right?"

She smiled, knowingly. "Unless you've changed your mind."

He grinned widely. "Oh I've _definitely_ not changed my mind."

Stretching on her tiptoes she kissed him chastely on the cheek. "Good."

"Okay, break it up lovebirds; we want to dance with the birthday girl." Lily turned from John to see Dorcas and Emmeline waiting impatiently behind her. "You can have her back later," Dorcas added, taking Lily by the wrist. Lily gave her boyfriend an apologetic shrug before allowing herself to be steered away.

"Ow, _Dorcas!_ What are you doing?"

Lily scowled as she found herself being pulled quite violently into the corner of the room and not the dance floor, almost sloshing her drink onto the carpet. Looking up, she discovered Dorcas and Emmeline looking equally frustrated.

"What's wrong with you two?"

"Judy Webster," Dorcas hissed, glancing over Lily's shoulder as though to glare at the girl herself. "Is a complete _slut_."

Lily snorted. "So?"

Emmeline's eyes were wide in disbelief at Lily's ignorance. "We were dancing just before, near her friends, and she came up to them, bold as brass, flaunting off her _new ring_."

Lily pursed her lips, clearly not understanding the reason for all the fuss.

"_John's_ ring!" Dorcas hissed. "His Quidditch ring!"

Lily could not help the second snort that escaped her as she shook her head at the dramatics of her friends. "I was just with John, he was wearing his ring."

"Was he?" Emmeline cut in immediately. "Or do you just think you saw it, because he's always wearing it?"

Lily hesitated. "John's not fooling around behind my back, guys. Tonight's the night, remember?"

"Like that means anything to him," Dorcas scoffed. "He's a cheater if I ever saw one."

"Dorcas," Lily chided her friend, feeling hurt. Her friends had always been supportive of her relationship with John; they'd never said a bad word against him before. Dorcas was the one who had bought her a box of condoms as a joke birthday present – three boxes – because she wasn't sure which size John might require.

"I'm sorry, Lily," Dorcas sighed. "I didn't mean to be – just see for yourself, okay?" She motioned over her shoulder and Lily turned with a pained expression toward the dance floor where Judy Webster could bee seen dancing and talking with the Ravenclaw girls. John was at the far side of the room talking to Remus Lupin. The other Marauders had vanished which wasn't much of a surprise because they didn't really get along with her boyfriend. Remus was just too polite.

"Go on," Emmeline encouraged her in a small voice.

With a deep breath, Lily headed toward the dancers, holding her drink above her head as she squeezed passed people until she was just two feet away from Judy and her friends. She could not see the girls hands properly however as she moved them around as she danced, often disappearing completely into her hair. Suddenly she turned toward Lily with a smile on her face. "Hi," she said, shouting to be heard over the music.

What was she supposed to say? _Don't 'hi' me, bitch. Show me your hands!_ "Um, hi," Lily replied, feeling more than _slightly_ tongue-tied. But another voice drowned her out and Lily felt a second person at her side; John.

"Hi," he said. Judy hadn't been talking to Lily at all; she felt her face flush with embarrassment.

"Wanna dance with me?" Judy continued to shout, ignoring Lily completely. 

"Sure," John smiled, nodding his head in time to the music. "You don't mind, do you Lily?" he added a moment later, looking down at his shell-shocked girlfriend.

Lily shook her head; her tongue seemed to be stuck to the roof of her mouth now. Slowly she backed out of the crowd, finding Dorcas and Emmeline waiting in the same corner.

"Well?" Emmeline asked hesitantly.

Lily shook her head. "I couldn't see a ring."

"They're dancing together," Dorcas added impatiently. "And you just _let_ them?"

"If he was cheating on me I'm sure they wouldn't be so obvious about it," Lily replied defensively. "If there _is_ a ring then I guess they just have similar taste in jewellery, that's all."

Dorcas looked disappointed as she dropped her head to one side, crossing her arms over her chest. "If you say so, Lily."

"I _do_ say so."

"_Fine_," Dorcas huffed. "You want another drink?"

"Whatever," Lily replied nonchalantly. 

Dorcas pushed passed her roughly. "You're lucky; I think someone spiked the punch already."

Lily rolled her eyes and she felt Emmeline lean in close. "What does that mean?"

"It means she thinks I'm going to be in need of hard liquor when I discover John and Judy _snogging_ in your mother's linen closet." She rolled her eyes again for effect.

"Oh. Right then."

Dorcas did not return immediately and Lily suspected she was taking her time to cool off. It was probably for the best. The two girls bopped to the music in their corner, sipping their drinks and wondering over the contents of the many parcels piled high at the far side of the room. Lily suspected Dorcas might return soon with an apology and sure enough, the dark haired girl appeared at her side a moment later with a fresh butterbeer in each hand.

"Got lost, did you?" Lily murmured.

Dorcas did not return it with a smart comment. Instead she was oddly quiet and avoided eye contact.

"Dorcas?"

"John and Judy just left together."

Lily felt a lump in her throat and she tried to swallow it. Would he really? After all they had planned for tonight? "Oh this is just ridiculous," she forced herself to laugh, shaking her head at the two girls. "I'll prove it to you," she added determinedly, taking a swig from her bottle. "He's probably showing her to the loo." And with that she slammed the empty bottle down and snatched a new one from Dorcas' hand as she stormed from the room.

The hall was fairly quiet but Lily could see people gathered in the kitchen and a few couples lingered on the stairs. Lily walked briskly to the kitchen and being unsuccessful in her search there, smirked as she made her way back down the hall, determined to make her way up the stairs and to the bathroom where she was sure to find her boyfriend. She did so, careful not to step on the hands and feet of the couples who were too busy to take care of their own appendages. At the top she found the bathroom door closed and knocked smartly.

"Someone's in here," a female voice called back. It could have been Judy. Lily decided to wait outside and make sure she saw her come out. And then, just as a precaution, she would _demand_ to see her hands. Maybe she'd even take a photograph and show it to Dorcas. However, a light down the landing caught her eye; someone was in one of the bedrooms.

"Bedrooms are off limits," she huffed to herself, scowling at the signs on each door that she and the girls had made that afternoon. They clearly stated,

_Bedrooms are off limits!_

Figuring the rascals deserved to be embarrassed at being caught whatever it was they might be doing, Lily grasped the doorhandle and pushed the door open. It slid noiselessly over the carpet. And that's when Lily wished she'd knocked.

It was true. It was _all_ true and more. There was John with his back to her, sitting on Emmeline's bed with Judy Webster in his lap and her lanky legs wrapped around his waist. She froze instantly but Judy's eyes flickered open and she caught sight of the redhead in the doorway. She did not however appear shocked, nor did she make any attempt to stop what she was doing. She merely smirked, kissing Lily's boyfriend fervently, all the while staring at the girl in the doorway. She raked her hands through John's short blonde hair, showing off the Quidditch ring on her middle finger; _John's_ ring.

The bottle began to slip from Lily's fingers until it hung upside down in her loose grip, sloshing down her leg and onto the carpet. She wanted to scream, she wanted to throw something at them, she wanted to hex them, she wanted to make them _stop_! But she couldn't draw her gaze from Judy's knowing smirk and her voice failed her as she mouthed wordlessly, her eyes feeling hot and beginning to sting.

"Lily?"

A voice called her from the stairs and she turned sharply to see James Potter standing at the top, a cup of punch in each hand.

"Hi," he said, extending one of them to her. She stared blankly back at him, unable to see anything but that vision of Judy burnt into her mind, and his eyes flickered down her form, stopping at the puddle by her feet. "You all right, Lily?"

Finally willing her feet to move she moved passed him and hurried down the stairs, feeling the tears fall at last. Dorcas and Emmeline were waiting hesitantly at the bottom, sorry looks upon their faces.

"Oh my _God_!" Lily screamed at last. "I saw them! I SAW THEM!"

"Hush," Emmeline hissed at once, as she and Dorcas steered their hysterical friend down the hall and into another 'off limits' room – her father's study. Lily felt herself being pushed into the large leather armchair and she cried freely into the tissues that Dorcas handed her. Emmeline retrieved her wand and sealed the door before joining Dorcas on the floor at Lily's feet.

"You let it out," she said, rubbing Lily's knee. "It's okay."

"Don't worry," Dorcas added. "We won't let them ruin your birthday."

"It's already _ruined_!" Lily cried loudly, throwing her arms out wildly so that both girls flinched. "They were – they were _snogging_ and she – she – she – she just-"

"Shhh," Dorcas soothed. "Breathe, Lily."

"She just _looked_ at me! She was kissing him and looking at me! And – and – I co – I couldn't move! I wanted to yell and I j-j-just couldn't!"

"Does John not know you saw him?"

Lily shook her head, wailing terribly. "I _hate_ her! I hate her so much!"

"We know," Emmeline said gently. "We hate her too."

"Don't worry Lily," Dorcas added. "We'll get her for this."

"Why tonight? Why on my birthday?"

"We don't know, Lily. We don't know."

Lily could not help herself and she fell forward off the chair, allowing herself to be embraced by her two best friends as she cried uncontrollably.

They spent the rest of the party hidden in that room.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

"What time is it?"

"Past two."

The girls could hear the unmistakable sound of the front door open and closing occasionally; people were starting to leave the party. Lily remained on the floor; face down on the carpet, while Emmeline stroked her hair. Dorcas rose slowly and crossed to the window, peering out at the leaving party goers.

"They look like they had fun at least," she said quietly with a sigh. "Your birthday was a hit, Lil."

The redhead snorted into the carpet, the last of her tears having fallen hours ago. But she was too exhausted and depressed now to even move. Slowly she turned her face to the side, looking up at Emmeline with puffy eyes. "You never got to dance with Sirius."

"It doesn't matter," she replied gently. "He probably wouldn't be able to handle my  
moves anyway."

The three girls laughed, smiles gracing their features for the first time since entering the room. Slowly Lily pushed herself up into a kneeling position. She felt wretched and knew she probably didn't look much better. She could see streaks of mascara across the back of her hands and wondered just how bad her face must be. "How do you think John would like me now?" she sniggered.

"Don't talk about him," Dorcas said, returning to her side. "You don't want a bastard like that anyway." She retrieved another tissue from the desk and dabbed the end with her tongue, using it to clean Lily's face. "You're better off without him."

"I know," Lily replied in a small voice. "I just – I don't know how this happened. It's my birthday and we were supposed to-" She released a long breath. "-I feel so _stupid_. I don't get it, what did I do wrong?"

"Nothing," both Dorcas and Emmeline answered immediately. "He's just an idiot," Emmeline added seriously. "He got too cocky. He obviously figured if he could manage to get a bird like you he could get anyone."

Dorcas scoffed, wiping at Lily's face still. "He wasn't supposed to get them at the same time though."

Lily sighed, running her hands through her slightly tangled hair. "What do I do now?"

"Whatever you want," Dorcas grinned, rolling up the tissue in her hand. "You're a single woman again."

"I think you're getting ahead of yourself," Emmeline said with a pointed look at Dorcas. Lily nodded. "What does she say to _John_?"

"Urgh," Dorcas grimaced. "The break up, nasty."

"Thank you," Lily snorted. "My confidence had just increased ten-fold."

"Glad to help."

"Shut up."

"Are you going to yell at him?" Emmeline enquired. "If you'd rather just forget him I guess we could go out there for you; tell him you don't want to see him again."

"No way," Dorcas scoffed, before Lily could reply. "She's going to eat him alive, aren't you?"

Lily smirked. "I'll give him a piece of my mind alright, but this isn't the place for a row."

"I'd much prefer to wreak revenge on the two of them," Dorcas added enthusiastically, a wicked glint in her eye. "Let's embarrass the hell out of them in front of the entire school; that'd sure teach them. I want to shave off Judy's hair; she's so vain it would kill her."

"Dorcas," Lily laughed, shaking her head. "_Honestly._"

"I am being honest!" Dorcas exclaimed. "And I'd like to charm John's you-know-what so that he'd _never_ be able to find a condom to fit him!"

All three girls rolled about laughing until the sound of the front door opening and closing reached their ears once more.

"I guess I should show my face," Lily sighed, using the leather chair to pull herself to her feet. The two girls followed suit. "It's my party and I've ignored everyone all night; I'm a terrible host."

"With good reason," Emmeline pointed out sternly, retrieving her wand and unsealing the door. Lily shrugged and led the way out into the hall. The music was still playing in the living room and the majority of the guests had left. A few more were just on their way out; they called good-bye to Lily as they went and she waved them off politely. Making their way into the hall were the Marauders.

"You boys heading off?" Dorcas enquired.

"Where've you been all night?" Sirius asked immediately, ignoring her question. He glanced at Lily and took in her flushed face. "Ah, the birthday girl drank more than she could handle, did she?" The others boys laughed and the girls joined in; it seemed the easy way out of an explanation. "Don't drink sobering potion until you're absolutely positive you've chucked up the last of it," Sirius gave warning. "Believe me, I learnt that the hard way."

"No, _we_ learnt that the hard way," James scoffed. "We were the ones cleaning up after your sorry arse the last time." Lily allowed a small but genuine laugh.

"Thanks for inviting us, Lily," Peter stepped in as Remus made to open the door for them.

"No problem," Lily smiled. "Glad you could make it." With a parting goodbye she left the boys to sort out their cloaks from the pile on the banister and made toward the living room again in search of John. She wasn't sure exactly what she was going to say to him yet. She would much rather kick him in the nuts and be done with it, but that wasn't really her style. Once again, it was John who found her first.

"Lily, I've been looking for you all night. Where've you been?" It sickened her that he should try and appear so concerned.

"Excuse us," Dorcas muttered quietly, sensing the need to give the couple some privacy. She steered Emmeline passed John and into the living room.

"Everyone's leaving," John needlessly pointed out, glancing over Lily's shoulder where the Marauders were currently stepping outside. He stepped toward her slowly, extending a hand to hest on her waist. "You think you'll be ready to head off soon?" He bent his head toward hers, trying to kiss her. Lily found herself unable to shrug him off, dumbstruck. He was acting so…_innocent_.

Why wasn't he trying to beat her to the punch and break up with her first?

Had Judy not told him that she had seen them making out?

Did he think he could continue this charade and date them both?

He was still talking about _tonight_.

How disgusting.

Suddenly the urge to wreak revenge seemed very appealing. And she would. She wouldn't let him play this game and get away with it. She was Lily Evans, Head Girl, and _not_ someone to be messed with. She was going to make him feel stupid, just like she had. Dumping him right now however, in this quiet hall, was not going to have the desired effect. She would sweat it out as his girlfriend until just the right moment. She didn't know how just yet, but she was going to get him back.

"I can't wait to get you home."

"I have my period."

She blurted it out quickly, needing an excuse to get out of tonight. James Potter gave her an odd look before he closed the door behind him on his way out. John too looked a little taken aback. She had the grace to blush.

"Oh," he said stupidly. "You – you didn't know?"

"I just got it," she said quickly. "It's early. Perfect timing, huh?" she added with a chuckle.

"Oh well, there goes my big birthday present for you. It's okay, we'll make it happen eventually." She could tell he was trying to look as though the news didn't bother him, but she saw right through it. "You're still stopping over though, right?" he added a moment later with a sly grin. "There's plenty we can still do with your pants _on_." Somehow she figured whatever that may be would end up gratifying _him_.

"I don't think so," she said slowly, trying to sound apologetic. "I'm cramping and bloated and you don't want me to mess up your sheets; first day is always the worst."

His expression was priceless. She had to try not to laugh. "Err, no problem then, I'll leave you with the girls."

"Good idea."

"Portable travel cauldron. New charm allows cauldron to be expanded to double size for even the largest family without leaks! Sure, every eighteen year old witch needs one of those." Dorcas snorted as she dropped the cauldron to one side and retrieved another parcel from the pile that been transferred to Emmeline's bedroom.

"Benjy knows I like potions," Lily said, shaking her head and reaching out to examine the cauldron better. "It's very thoughtful."

"You also said that about the broom servicing kit."

"So? It's nice."

"You don't have a broom, Lily."

Lily shrugged, placing the cauldron back down and accepting the small gift that Emmeline held out to her. "It comes in a nice case – I might use it for makeup."

Dorcas rolled her eyes to the ceiling, ripping the paper off the next present. "Ooo, a purse; I like this!" She unclipped the small leather wallet and inspected the inside. "And a galleon for good luck; someone is generous."

"Judy Webster," Emmeline read aloud from the tag that had fallen to the floor.

Lily reached for her wand and a second later Dorcas was dusting off the sooty remains of the purse into an old gift box. "We'll keep the galleon," she said coolly, snatching it up and tossing it toward Emmeline.

"The slut is good for something," Emmeline added, rising from her space on the floor and crossing to her dresser. She opened the top draw and withdrew an old biscuit tin, which jingled with coins as she tugged off the lid. "Ten more galleons and it's hello _Turbo Turntable Two Thousand_." Dorcas and Lily cheered as Emmeline dropped the coin into the tin, storing it safely back into the draw.

"Perhaps we'll be able to listen to some of these records on our final day," Dorcas smirked as she flipped through the various disks that Lily had received. "Or on the train home."

"Well we could have got that second hand gramophone from Diagon Alley," Lily sighed. "But _someone_ needed the top of the line model."

Dorcas scowled at her discretely from over the record in her hands. "You'll thank me eventually."

"What do I do with these?" Both Lily and Dorcas glanced over at Emmeline who was holding up a small pile of coloured boxes displaying a variety of nearly naked wizards and witches in unmentionable positions.

"Chuck 'em," Lily replied, returning to the box she was currently trying to unwrap. "They're of no use."

"They might be some day," Dorcas argued, rising to her feet and taking the boxes from Emmeline's hands. "Who knows, maybe one of us will get lucky before they expire; or maybe you'll come to your senses and use your stupid meetings productively for a change."

Lily glanced at her over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow. Emmeline smirked, mouthing _shag Potter_ behind her hand. Lily shook her head. "Keep them, Dorcas, if you want. You'll probably need them before me."

"Well I just might," Dorcas replied, returning to the floor and still inspecting the boxes in her hands. "Merlin, if I could find a bloke with a bum like _that_."

"Oh that's _gorgeous_!" Lily had finally unwrapped the stubborn package, which revealed a pretty looking silver jewellery box, about the size of her hand. The inside was lined with velvet in a deep, rich blue and it tinkled a merry tune when the lid was opened. "It's so pretty," Emmeline continued, swaying her head with the music. "Who's it from?"

"The Marauders," Lily replied thoughtfully as she inspected the box in her hands. "I wouldn't have thought they'd have such taste."

"Well, they're always full of surprises," Emmeline said, reaching out to take the box from Lily. "They've had it engraved too, look. _Happy eighteenth birthday, Lily._ They're nice boys really, aren't they?"

Lily snorted, but Dorcas remained silent for a moment, looking thoughtful. "Have you thought any more about John?" she asked a moment later. The change in atmosphere was immediate and Emmeline slowly lowered the box to the ground, awaiting Lily's reaction.

"Don't ruin a perfectly good morning Dorcas."

Dorcas shifted to a kneeling position watching Lily keenly, although the redhead stared adamantly at the quill set she was holding. "What I mean," Dorcas continued hesitantly. "Is, are you serious about, you know, destroying him."

Lily released a short laugh and the other girls shared a look of relief. "I like that phrasing."

Dorcas grinned. "Well?"

Lily took a deep breath, placing the quills to the ground and leaning back on her elbows casually. "Absolutely."

"Good," Dorcas smiled. "Because I think I have an idea."

Lily cocked her head in interest and Emmeline shifted closer. "Go on."

"Well, John thinks he's pretty smart, right? He thinks he can pull off dating two girls at once; he must have a pretty big ego."

"I'll say."

"Then the best way to destroy someone like that is to flatten that ego - really crush his reputation as a lady-killer."

Lily pursed her lips in thought. "And how might we accomplish that?"

"You do the same thing he did to you," Dorcas announced proudly. "He thinks you worship the ground he walks on. You show him that he couldn't be more wrong."

Emmeline and Lily shared a confused but interested look. "Yeah…?"

"Oh for goodness sake," Dorcas huffed, irritated that her best friends weren't catching on as fast as she'd hoped. "You let him catch you snogging another bloke! Do what he did to you; trample on his ego a little bit."

Emmeline cheered in delight at the idea. "That's perfect!"

"No, no it's not," Lily shot her down, shaking her head. "John's not going to care if I kiss some _random_. He's one of the most popular guys at school; he'll think I'm a loser for lowering my standards."

But Dorcas did not look deterred by Lily's lack of enthusiasm. "_One_ of the most popular guys at school," she repeated, with that wicked gleam Lily had noted in her the night before. "So you need to show him up with the _most_ popular guy."

Lily's upper lip curled in disgust. "I'm not snogging Potter. No way."

"Doesn't have to be Potter," Dorcas shrugged, reaching across the pile of gifts to pic up the silver jewellery box. "The way I see it, the most popular guy in school could be split four ways."

"Three," Emmeline cut in. "There's no way she'll make anyone jealous snogging Peter Pettigrew; he's a foot shorter than her. It would look ridiculous."

"One in three then," Dorcas shrugged, smiling at Lily. "Take your pick."

Lily pursed her lips again, rising to a sitting position. "I could kiss Remus Lupin; if I told him what it was for I'm sure he'd do it... if I asked nicely enough."

"But you'd make John green with envy if you did it with Sirius Black."

Both Lily and Dorcas turned to Emmeline with surprise. "You'd let me kiss Sirius? Are you sure?"

"It's for a good cause," Emmeline told them assuringly. "I'm willing to make sacrifices."

Lily bit her lip, trying to hold back a yelp of glee. "This could really work; John would be so jealous."

"Told you," Dorcas grinned, rubbing her hands together. "It's Peter Pettigrew's birthday in about a month; you know those boys always throw a big party. It would be the perfect opportunity."

Emmeline squealed with excitement. "This is going to be great!"

"Wait," Lily cut in suddenly with a raised hand and a cautious expression. "How the hell am I supposed to convince Sirius to kiss me? He'd never do it."

"Sure he would."

"Why?" Lily questioned them. "He's Sirius Black! When has he ever done _anything_ for any of us in the past? Not to mention he's Potter's best friend; I don't want all that stuff from fifth year coming back to haunt me."

"Potter hates John," Dorcas told her earnestly. "I think he'd go along with it just to see John get crushed."

"We'll just have to make it worth Sirius' while," Emmeline added positively.

"I'm not having sex with him."

Emmeline laughed, rising from her position on the floor and crossing to the dresser once more. "Honestly Lily, like I'd let you." She pulled the top draw open, revealing the biscuit tin again.

"No," Lily said firmly, standing quickly and rushing to slam the draw closed. "We're not paying him with _that_."

"I don't see why not," Emmeline shrugged. "Dorcas is right; we're never going to have enough money to buy the thing before the year is out. We might as well put it to good use."

"I don't mind," Dorcas added.

Lily frowned. "But we all saved so hard," she said sorrowfully. "That's your money too; I can't let you guys waste it all on me."

"Of course we can," Dorcas smiled up at her. "Like Emmeline said; if it's for a good cause we don't mind making sacrifices."

"Yes," Emmeline nodded, pulling the draw open and handing the tin to Lily. "And the chance to see John get his ass kicked is a very, _very_ good cause."

Lily glanced down at the tin in her hands, trying not to smile too hard. "So I just have to stick it out with John for one month."

"Until Pettigrew's party," Dorcas nodded.

"I can do that."


	3. Chapter 3

3.

"Let me get this straight; you want to snog me."

"Aha."

"At a party, in front of dozens of people."

"Aha."

"To make your boyfriend jealous."

Lily bit her lip anxiously. "So you'll do it?"

Sirius Black raised his arms over his head in a languid stretch before propping his feet on the desk beside them. "Sure. Why not."

Lily sighed with relief, giving him a thankful grin. "Brilliant. Thank you."

"There's just one problem," Sirius added gravely just as she began to relax.

Her face fell. "Oh?"

"Well," he said thoughtfully, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "I'll kiss you, sure. But what makes you so confident I'm going to invite Johnny boy to this party, anyway?"

Lily frowned, but not too hard, as she needed to remain on his good side. She reached down into the bag by her feet, revealing the jingling money tin and placing it on the desk. She had been hoping she wouldn't have to pay him after all – that he might do this one favour in good faith – and that she and the girls would still be able to afford their gramophone. So much for that plan…

Sirius dropped his feet from the table as she opened the lid and he leaned forward in his seat to examine the contents.

"Forty galleons," she said proudly, pushing the tin closer to him. "Rumour has it you've been denied your inheritance. I'm sure this is more than enough incentive to invite John to the party."

He released a low whistle, fingering a few of the coins before dropping them back into the tin. "Yes, this will do nicely. Very nicely."

Lily tried hard not to sneer. "Spend it wisely," she told him curtly instead. "It was supposed to be a gramophone for my dorm."

"Will do," he grinned, reaching out to take the tin. But Lily snatched it away quickly.

"You'll get it all when you've fulfilled your end of the deal."

He narrowed his eyes, falling back into the chair. "So, when do you want to practice?"

Lily scoffed. She should have expected this from Sirius Black. "Very funny. I'm sure you we mange just _fine_ without it." But surprisingly, when she looked back up at him after tucking the tin away in her bag, he did not appear to be smirking in his usual fashion. He looked rather serious. "You really think you need practice?"

"_We_," he said firmly. "_We_ need practice, not _me_. You can't really expect to make Johnny boy jealous if he sees us bumping noses."

She laughed. "Are you that bad? Really, with your reputation, I would _never_ have guessed."

He rolled his eyes. "Stand up."

"What?"

He rose sharply to his feet. "Stand up."

She did so hesitantly. His eyes were set determinedly upon her lips and he cocked his head to one side as he towered above her.

"I am not," he said in a deep voice, taking a slow step toward her. "Nor have I ever," he added, coming closer again. Lily gulped as the back of her thighs came in contact with the desk. She was trapped. "Been a bad kisser."

"Oi!"

He laughed as she yelped, dropping back into his chair. "See? It's not comfortable is it - kissing someone you don't know."

"_That_ was _not_ kissing," she huffed, crossing her arms across her chest defensively as she too sat back down. "No one gave you permission to touch my arse!"

Again he laughed, running a hand through his glossy hair and looking disgustingly alluring. "Evans, Evans, Evans," he sighed. "Of course I'm going to touch you. This has to look raunchy; heated; _sexy_."

Lily closed her eyes briefly. "Don't _ever_ use those three words when talking to me again."

He chuckled softly. "If you want him to be jealous than you have to give him a good reason to be. A quick peck on the cheek isn't going to do much, is it? He needs to see a bit of a show – like there's been something going on for a while. Make him wonder what _really_ goes on in Gryffindor Tower after he's bid you goodnight."

Lily leaned closer, intrigued.

"It should be the kind of kiss that makes the entire room jealous," he continued huskily. "Not just Willis. The kind of kiss that causes every male in the room to ruin his best trousers. You should be touched in places he's never touched, and you should touch me in places you've never touched him-" He paused, raising one eyebrow. "Have you ever-?"

"None of your business," she cut him off.

He smirked. "I'll take that as a no."

She huffed. "You were saying?"

"In short," he said, sitting back in his chair, his husky voice all bust disappeared. "It should look like sex with our clothes on."

His crudeness alarmed her but she did her best to play it cool. "I agree."

"Great. So you think you can do that without practice, do you?"

She sighed, pursing her lips in thought. She did not like the idea of kissing this boy more than was necessary, but there was no way in hell she could make all _that_ look natural. "Fine, we'll practice."

"Good," he nodded, getting to his feet once more. "But you can't be all prudish on me, Evans. We're doing this properly. I have a reputation to uphold as well." She quickly followed suit, determined to show him she way anything but a prude. However, she did not quite elicit the response she'd been hoping for as she sharply grabbed for his bottom and he gave her an odd look. "Not right _now_, Evans."

"Oh," she said sheepishly, quickly retracting her hand. "Sorry."

"Inappropriate behaviour in the library!" cried a shrill voice. "Get out! Get out!"

"Shit," Sirius swore. "Pince."

Lily could not help the giggle that escaped her as he grabbed both her hand and her bag, dragging her as fast as she could run out of the library.

Lily tried hard not to grimace as John left a wet trail of kisses along her jaw before moving on to her neck. She had not counted on this being so difficult, but every time he tried to kiss her she could not get that awful image of Judy Webster smirking at her out of her mind. He was making her dirty; leaving traces of Judy on her skin. It made her feel sick. Spending time with him was far more challenging than she had imagined; and it was only the second day back at school. 

"John," she said, trying to pry him away gently, without giving in to her instincts to slap him around the head. "John, I have rounds to do, I have to go."

He pulled away reluctantly, fixing her with that pouty look that, at one time, she would have done anything for. "Come on Lily, let Potter manage on his own for a change; you're always covering for him."

"And if I did then I'd be just as bad, wouldn't I?" she said, giving him a firm look. He sighed and released his hold on her waist, linking his fingers with hers as they started off down the hall.

"How about tonight?" he said after a moment's silence. "After your rounds; there's a broom cupboard on the third floor-"

She actually snorted. "I'm not having my first time in a broom cupboard," she said hotly. "Besides," she added, trying to regain her composure. "I'm still on."

"Still?" he cried exasperatedly.

"I can't _help it_," she snapped rudely. "I don't control these things, do I? Give it another day or two."

Two more days to come up with a better excuse as to why she suddenly didn't want to sleep with him. Though really, if he had better sense, surely John would realise it was nearly impossible for a girl's period to last twelve days…

"Well it had better finish soon," he said in a sulky voice. "I still owe you a birthday surprise."

_Believe me_, she thought bitterly, _you already gave me one of those_…

"Hey, wasn't that Emmeline?"

Lily glanced down the hall to where John was pointing. She could not see anyone but the unmistakable sound of _canoodling_ could not be ignored. Just wonderful. How many times had she told those girls not to go running around with random boys after hours? Now she was going to have to take points from Gryffindor else John should complain of unfairness. She had already deducted ten from a Hufflepuff half an hour ago.

"Great," she groaned as they approached the tapestry that hid a well-known snogging corner. "Should I knock?"

"Allow me," John mock-bowed, before wrenching back the tapestry.

Lily almost screamed.

"Oh my God! Emmeline? _Sirius?_"

Emmeline struggled to untangle herself from Sirius' grasp as the tall boy turned lazily toward their intruders. "Evans, fancy seeing you here!" He glanced at John with a knowing look and Lily swore she would hex him if he dared try anything stupid. Although, really, he'd already done that…

"I'm sorry Lily," Emmeline gasped, though she could not stop smiling. "I thought you had rounds on the seventh floor tonight."

"I do," Lily gritted out, sending a nasty glare at both of them. "In ten minutes."

"Oh... Oops."

"Oops, indeed," Lily huffed. "That's a point from each of you." John cleared his throat meaningfully and Lily sighed in frustration. "_Five_ points from each of you."

Emmeline finally had the grace to look mildly apologetic but Sirius merely looked rather proud of himself. Lily could not wait to get back to the common room tonight. She was going to absolutely blast them to bits. How could they be so stupid? John knew that Emmeline had a crush on Sirius, and if they had finally gotten together there was no way Lily would steal her best friend's man…

The entire plan was ruined.

"Please, Remus, I'm begging you, _please!_"

"I'm sorry, Lily," the sandy haired boy replied apologetically.

Kneeling at his feet she grabbed for his hands, wringing them tight. "Please!"

"I would," he replied awkwardly. "But…I really don't want to."

Lily groaned in defeat, dropping herself into his lap. "I'm doomed."

"Practicing?" a smarmy voice called from the boys' staircase. "And here I was thinking you were such a prude Evans," Sirius continued, approaching her from behind. "Yes, giving head will _definitely_ make Johnny boy jealous."

Lily sent him a rude gesture over her shoulder before slowly pulling her head out of Remus' lap and flopping down onto the rug. "He won't do it," she muttered into the carpet.

Sirius released a long breath as he dropped into the second armchair of almost empty common room. "Will you relax, Evans?"

"Relax?" Lily all but screeched, lifting her head suddenly. "Relax? I paid you forty galleons, you thief!"

"Technically you haven't given me any yet-"

"And _you_!" Lily continued, sensing movement to her right and spotting Emmeline and Dorcas descending the girls' staircase a moment later. "What is wrong with you? You're just as bad. Couldn't you keep from jumping each other for just one month?" 

"I've said I'm sorry, Lily," Emmeline replied meekly, settling herself on the arm of Sirius' chair as he wrapped an arm around her waist. "I really am. I didn't mean to – well I did – but you know-"

Yes she did. Emmeline had had a crush on Sirius for ages; she should be thrilled for her friend, not cursing her. She sensed Dorcas settle beside her on the rug and she reluctantly pulled herself to a sitting position. "Fine, fine," she sighed. "But what am I meant to do now?"

"Can't you dump him the old fashioned way?" Remus suggested.

"No!" Dorcas cut Lily off before she hand the chace to speak. "She's going to crush the bastard; really kick him where it hurts."

Remus shifted awkwardly in his seat. "Remind me never to get on the bad side of any of you girls."

Lily groaned loudly, kicking her feet on the rug in a mini-tantrum. "What am I going to _do_?!"

"It's not the end of the world," Sirius said casually. "Juts find a replacement."

"I've been _trying_," Lily growled, sending Remus an ugly scowl. "He's not cooperating."

"I'll do it."

The entire group turned in unison to see the newcomer standing at the bottom of the stairs.

James Potter.

Lily felt Dorcas nudge her discretely in the ribs. 

"You know," he added, raking a hand through his unruly hair before folding his arms across his chest. "If you want."

Lily finally drew her eyes away from the handsome boy to give Sirius a glare. "You told him?"

"Are you kidding?" Sirius snorted. "A hot bird offered to pay me to kiss her – I told _everyone_!"

Lily's eyes were wide in a mixture of rage and alarm, and thankfully Emmeline gave her boyfriend a smack on the shoulder. "Sirius!"

"Oi!"

"He only told the dorm," Remus cut in before the girls could get any more violent.

Meanwhile James stood alone by the staircase still staring adamantly at Lily, awaiting her response. She turned back to him hesitantly. Standing there she clearly knew he was the best choice – he had been the original choice – _the most popular guy in school_. But Lily had shot that idea down fast. It was so awkward. The rest of the group had fallen silent, waiting for Lily to respond. "Look, James, I don't want you to think-"

"You're offering money, right?" he cut her off. "I'm saving for Quidditch tickets; I could do with the extra cash."

She was speechless for a moment. He would do it for the money. _For the money._ Just when exactly had James Potter stopped fancying her? Had she been so arrogant as to believe he still had feelings for her after all this time? It was only then that she realised he hadn't asked her out in over a year, and she still held it against him? What was wrong with her?

Slowly, she nodded. "Okay… Thanks."

He nodded too, unfolding his arms but only to stuff his hands in his pockets. "Right. See you for rounds tomorrow then." And with that he disappeared back up the staircase.

Lily glanced at Dorcas, who gave her a slight shrug.

"Cool."


	4. Chapter 4

4.

"Hi."

James Potter looked up from the homework he had been doing, his posture altering significantly as he recognised his visitor. "Hey."

"Can I sit?"

"Sure," he nodded, pulling the books and parchment he had scattered across his common room desk toward him as Lily took a seat in the opposite chair. Carefully she placed the biscuit tin onto the wooden surface, one hand resting on its lid. 

"Thanks for doing this James," she began, her eyes on the tin. "I know you probably think I'm pathetic, but…" she trailed off, not quite knowing what she was trying to say.

"A little."

His tone was serious but when she glanced up there was a playful glint in his eye.

"So, what's in the tin?" he added, leaning one elbow on the desk and resting his chin against his palm.

"My insurance policy," she replied, pushing it toward him and finally removing her hand.

He stared at the tin for a moment before looking back up at her. "I thought you told Sirius he wouldn't get the money until after?"

"Well," she said honestly, crossing her legs under the table. "I trust you."

He raised an eyebrow.

"More than Sirius," she added with a smirk.

"Of course."

"And I know the Quidditch season is starting soon so I figured you'd probably want it sooner than later."

He raised another eyebrow at her.

"Dorcas told me."

"Ah."

They both glanced at the tin once more and he finally reached out for it, picking it up while his other hand fished for his bag under the table and he stored it away before folding his arms on the desk.

"You're not going to count it?"

"You trust me – I trust you."

She nodded her understanding and they fell silent for a moment. With Sirius it had been easy; he had all the ideas, and she was willing to let him take the lead if need be, she felt she knew what to expect from him. But James was different. They had been friends when they were younger but so much time had passed since then; she didn't know who he was anymore. Especially after finding out he didn't fancy her anymore; she felt as though she didn't know what to expect from this guy at all.

"We need to practice," she said decisively, taking some sort of command. "I'd like it to look good."

"Okay," he said casually.

She was surprised he hadn't taken offence at the suggestion that he – James Potter, coolest guy in school – should need practice when it came to kissing. But it was much easier than having to argue her case, or worse, repeat that crude speech that Sirius had given her. 

"When?" he added.

"Oh." She hadn't really thought that far ahead. "Well, whenever we can fit it in I suppose. We have rounds every evening and you have Quidditch practice Tuesday, Thursday and Friday-"

"Saturday," he corrected her.

"Saturday," she nodded. "And we have to have time for study too. So that leaves…"

"Wednesday."

"Tomorrow," she realised out loud. Wow. She hadn't expected this to happen quite so fast. Panic threatened to take over her but James appeared as calm as ever.

"My dorm should be okay," he said, moving suddenly as he began to pack up his books. "Sorry, I've got practice in fifteen minutes. Seven o'clock tomorrow then?"

"Yes, er, no."

"_No?_" he repeated, rising from his chair, swinging his bag over his shoulder.

"No," she said more firmly, rising also and falling into step with him as he began towards the boys' staircase. They came to a halt at the bottom. "I can't be seen going up _there_," she hissed, glancing over her shoulder for eavesdroppers before nudging her head toward the staircase. "Imagine how that would look!"

James smirked at her panicked expression and began rummaging in his bag for a moment. Seconds later he pulled out a bundle of fabric and handed it to her. "Don't unroll it here," he said quietly. "Just wear it tomorrow, okay?"

Wear it? How would _that_ help her situation? But as she opened her mouth to ask she realised James was no longer standing in front of her, and distant footsteps could be heard jogging up the stairs.

At seven o'clock precisely the following day, Lily slipped the cloak over her casual jeans and jumper, still not believing James Potter had somehow gotten his hands on an invisibility cloak. The last of her red hair disappeared as she tucked it into the hood, creeping out of her dormitory and down the stairs, trying not to make a noise.

The common room was fairly busy with many students doing homework or socialising around the fire, and she was forced to press herself against the wall as two boys passed her on their way up the boy's staircase. It would not do to get caught creeping up there; especially in an invisibility cloak – it made it seem like she was sneaking up there to…

Wait, technically she was.

The door marked 'seventh years' came into sight and Lily glanced over her shoulder once before freeing a single hand to knock on the door. It took a moment for James to open it and she rushed inside immediately, pulling the cloak off as she closed the door behind her.

"Where did you get his?"

"You like it, huh?" he smiled, taking it from her and rolling it up before stuffing it in the trunk at the end of what she presumed to be his bed.

"Hell yes!"

He smiled, digging his hands into the pockets of his jeans and taking a step toward her in the middle of the room. "Family heirloom."

"Ah," she uttered, taking a moment to look around the room. It was designed and furnished almost exactly like the girls' dorm, bar the excess of Quidditch posters, unmade beds, the clothing that littered the corners of the room and the general smell of…boys. "Don't the elves come in here?"

He nodded. "Everyday."

Lily grimaced at the amount of mess they had managed to create in just a few hours. She turned back to him as she felt his eyes upon her. That odd feeling of panic threatened to take over again. He took another step toward her.

"So, how do you want to do this?"

She had hoped for a little socialising first, perhaps a few minutes chat and get comfortable in her new surroundings. But one thing she did remember about James Potter was that he was always straight to the point.

She took a deep breath, closing the gap a little more until they stood roughly one meter apart in the center of the room. "Well," she began. "I suppose we just have to get comfortable with each other first, you know, so we're not bumping noses," she quoted Sirius. "It should look natural." He made no sign of agreement as though waiting for her to continue. "We can work on…_touching_ and stuff after," she persisted, feeling awkward as he looked down upon her with little expression. "Right now just focus on making the kissing itself look smooth; like we really want to be doing it."

Finally he nodded, taking a casual step forward again until he could comfortably fix his hands on her waist. She tried not to appear too intimidated by the contact. "Do I kiss you, or will you kiss me?"

"It doesn't matter," Lily shrugged.

But he made no move and Lily realised he was leaving it up to _her_ to initiate the kiss. It made sense; this was her plan after all, but she was as nervous as all hell. "O-okay then, I guess I'll just-" She silenced herself, his blank stare making her self-conscious and causing her to babble, and she gently placed her hands on his upper arms, pressing herself onto her tiptoes to reach his lips. He did not respond, though his eyes had fallen shut and she tilted her head for better access, leaning her body into his a little. She made contact. His lips were so hot.

"Right-o, when are starting this practice, then?"

They sprung apart as Sirius barged into the dorm, slamming the door shut behind him. He froze upon seeing their startled expressions and Lily's reddening face.

"Ahhh, I see I'm a little late."

James shook his head and Lily folded her arms across her chest defensively. "What exactly are you doing here, Sirius?"

He grinned, flopping down onto his own bed. "Directing, of course."

"Directing?"

"Come on," he scoffed. "You don't really think you can pull this off by yourself, do you Evans? Besides, Prongs and I have a deal; we're splitting the money fifty-fifty seeing as I'm the one who informed him of this little scheme."

Lily ran a hand over her brow. "What you do with the money is your business, but that doesn't mean you sit here and _watch_ us," she said, appalled by the idea. "We can do this by ourselves."

"Can you?" he asked, sitting up suddenly. "Show me what you've got."

She scowled. "Pervert."

"I'm serious," he added, shuffling to the end of the bed. "You can't see yourselves; you don't know what you look like. You might look like a bunch of idiots, mauling and groping each other like inexperienced second years for all you know."

She glanced at James who did not appear at all perturbed by the idea of Sirius Black watching them kiss. "Tell me you're not considering this."

"It's not a bad idea," he shrugged. "I mean, I'm sure I can pull this off without _direction_," he added with a look at Sirius. "But if you plan to do this in front of dozens of people you had better get used to having an audience. Heck, call in Moony and Wormtail!"

"James," Lily groaned. "No. I'm not doing it in front of them. Not _yet_ anyway," she added to their matching _I told you so_ expressions.

"The way I see it," Sirius spoke up again, making himself comfortable on the bed once more with his hands behind his head. "I'm staying here, so you can either snog in front of the entire common room out there or you can just get to it and stop being such a prude."

"I'm not a-"

"Prove it."

Lily huffed, turning to James once more. He gave her a slight shrug. "It's up to you, Lily. We don't have to practice at all if you don't want to." She wished she could say yes, but there was no way she could kiss James Potter - someone she didn't know - for the first time and make it look natural at the party.

"Fine," she surrendered sulkily, dropping her arms to her sides. "I'll do it, whatever."

"Okay," James said simply stepping toward her again and repositioning his hands on her waist. "You ready?"

She nodded, casting a side-glance at Sirius who she could see watching them from the corner of her eye. James turned his head for just a second to face his friend. "Just shut up until we're done, okay?"

"Fine by me."

Turning back James gave Lily a small reassuring smile and she braced her hands against his arms again for support as she lifted herself up onto her toes. "Could you bend a bit please?"

Sirius released a small snort but James ignored him, bending his face towards hers. She closed her eyes before impact, blocking out the sight of their voyeur more than anything and pressed her lips against his. He responded immediately this time, boosting her confidence as she tried to increase the pace, but James wasn't having it. Slightly frustrated, her eyes flickered open and closed again as she kissed him harder, opening her mouth further to run her tongue along his bottom lip in persuasion. His kisses remained slow and chaste. She pulled away, frowning.

"You're doing it _wrong_."

His eyes widened for a spilt second in shock, only to turn into a firm frown of his own. "No I'm not," he replied harshly, fuelled by embarrassment of her statement.

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head. "But your technique is all wrong."

"Well you'd certainly be the first to complain."

The scowled at each other for a good ten seconds before Lily dropped her face in frustration. "Thank God we practiced," she said, pushing her hair out of her face.

"No kidding," Sirius finally spoke up. "That was bloody _painful_ to witness." She turned to him briefly, seeing him staring back at them with a slightly disturbed expression on his face. "Can't you find a rhythm? That was fucking messed up."

"Well _I_ was doing what you said," Lily replied defensively, turning back to James. "_He_ was going too slow."

James scoffed. "You told me to kiss you like I meant it; that's what I was doing." His cheeks were tinged slightly pink now and Lily knew this situation was turning out far worse than either of them could have ever imagined.

"Err, Prongs," Sirius interrupted hesitantly. "No offence mate, but maybe you should just let Lily lead for now, okay? You're nice; but we're looking for nasty here."

If anything James's cheeks grew pinker and Lily scowled harder, wondering if Sirius was implying anything about her by that statement. "Fine," James said eventually, moving back into position and fixing her with that blank stare again that made her uncomfortable. "Go."

Not used to being ordered to kiss someone she cleared her throat and licked her lips before hesitantly approaching him.

"Stop," Sirius interrupted her. "You look like you're about to shit your pants; at least _try_ and look like you want to snog him senseless."

She gave him a discreet scowl before trying again. With a deep breath and courage she didn't know she possessed, she pushed herself against his chest and onto her toes in one swift movement, her hands moving effortlessly to his hair, and planting him with one of the most desperate kisses she had ever attempted. James stiffened beneath her with slight shock at her aggressiveness and then relaxed, moving his hands back around her waist and up her back. His touch made her tingle unexpectedly and he finally began to respond, his lips moving powerfully beneath hers. Suddenly that heat she had felt before intensified a hundred times as his tongue brushed her lips and she pulled back, startled by the intensity of it. Her breathing was slightly laboured. So was his.

"Better," Sirius commented, sending them both back to reality. "_Much_ better. Didn't know you had it in you, Evans. That was almost sexy."

She did not respond, trying to figure out if that was some sort of compliment.

"Go again?" James asked.

"Yes," Sirius answered for her. "This time don't freak out when he sticks his tongue in your mouth."

Lily shook her head as she allowed herself to be pulled into James' embrace. "_You_ try kissing a stranger."

Then James attacked her mouth with a ferocity she had never known.

He really was a very fast learner.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

"Shit… Shit!"

There was a loud yawn followed by the sound of Emmeline rolling over in her bed. "Wassermaer?"

"My face!" Lily responded frantically, staring at herself in the dorm room mirror. "I've got some kind of rash on my face!"

"On your face? Are you sure it's not just spots?"

"No!" Lily cried indignantly. "It's a real rash! Oh God, it's awful! Do you think Madame Pomfrey will be able to fix it?"

"Why are you all yelling?" Cecily, another of the girls' roommates grumbled sleepily from her bed. Ethel, their fifth dorm member, was known to sleep like a rock.

"Lily's got a rash," Dorcas spoke up, rolling out of bed and shuffling lazily across the room for a better look.

"Yuk," Cecily muttered, pulling her bed sheets up to her chin as though they might protect her. "I hope it's not contagious."

Dorcas snorted as she inspected Lily's face in the early morning light from the window. "Not likely."

"You know what it is?" Lily asked hopefully. 

Dorcas looked as though she were trying not to laugh. "Lil, you have pash rash."

Lily's horrified expression must have been enough and both Dorcas and Emmeline burst into hysterics.

"I don't get it," Cecily spoke up again.

"Pash rash," Dorcas repeated, still giggling. "It's when you've been snogging a boy for so long that you actually _chafe_ the skin around your mouth."

"Oh, gross!" Cecily cried, clearly disgusted. Dorcas and Emmeline laughed louder.

"Oh shut up, you two," Lily muttered, frowning at her reflection. "What am I going to do about it?"

After a rather embarrassing visit to the hospital wing Lily scurried to Transfiguration as fast as she could, having spent far longer than necessary being interrogated by Madame Pomfrey. Lily had feigned innocence at first pretending she hadn't a clue what the rash could be from but apparently Madame Pomfrey couldn't treat her unless she knew the cause of the problem. Lily had a sneaky suspicion the woman had known all along but was trying to teach her some sort of lesson by embarrassing her. Unfortunately Lily knew she'd probably end up needing another cure before long and made a mental note to visit the library that day and find the formula for that particular potion. 

Thankfully she was not faced with another interrogation by Professor McGonagall as she arrived late to the class and was merely fixed with a disapproving stare as she quietly slid into her usual seat beside John. He gave her questioning look but she shook her head and he returned to writing notes. Sensing the Professor's eyes on her again she quickly flashed another apologetic look before rustling through her book bag for a scroll of parchment to do the same. Had she forgotten to pack some? A quill caught her eye and she quickly grabbed it, storing it between her teeth before it was lost to the never ending depths of her book bag as her parchment had appeared to have done.

She turned desperately to John. He shrugged apologetically knowing what she was after, mouthing the words _my last piece_.

"Are you quite ready, Miss Evans?"

Lily looked up suddenly and felt herself blush as she realised Professor McGonagall as well as half the class were watching her and _hearing_ her scuffle about looking for parchment as they tried to continue the lecture.

"Sorry," she muttered sheepishly, hastily removing her quill from her mouth and dropping her bag to the floor, hoping she'd be able to copy from someone else's notes at lunch. The Professor resumed her lesson with a notable eye roll and Lily tried to shrink down in her seat not wanting to attract any more attention.

As the class ended the Professor looked as though she might want a word about her tardiness, so Lily quickly darted out the door and into the corridor with John following closely behind her. She felt terrible for being so unprepared for this class – everyone took their classes very seriously now they were at NEWT level – and she hated letting herself down, never mind the teachers. But now it was also her worst class because it was the only one she shared with John and there was never any escaping him. 

"Hey," he said, ducking to kiss her on the cheek and wrapping an arm around her waist as they started off down the corridor. "Where were you earlier?"

"Oh, um, the hospital wing," she replied hesitantly, wracking her brain in an attempt to think of a reasonable ailment besides pash rash.

"The hospital wing?" he said, stopping abruptly in the middle of the busy hall and looking over her as though to see an extra leg growing from her armpit. "Are you okay?" She hated that he could sound so genuinely concerned about her.

"Fine," she replied, taking his hand and forcing him to continue walking so that he wasn't staring at her anymore.

"Then why did you visit the hospital wing?"

"Don't worry about it," she told him playfully, trying to ease the awkwardness. She knew he knew she was lying. "It's no big deal, okay?"

He paused before replying, a small line having formed between his eyebrows. "You'd tell me if there was something _really_ wrong though, wouldn't you?"

_Would you tell me if you were cheating on me?_

"Course."

He appeared satisfied for the time being and released her hand to wrap his arm around her waist again as they descended a flight of stairs. This was their routine – had been for the past six months. After Transfiguration on a Thursday, John would head off to Ancient Runes and Lily was blessed with a free period in which she would always, without fail, make her way down to the library to begin her Transfiguration homework. They would walk together until they reached the portrait of the _drunken monks_, where upon John would go one way and Lily would turn the other. John would stupidly (but adorably) walk backwards, blowing her kisses and Lily would wave until he had rounded the corner at the end of his hallway, because it always seemed like such an eternity until they would be able to meet again the following day.

It used to give her butterflies in her tummy.

Today she hoped he would trip.

"How about I skip Runes today?"

Lily looked at him in surprise as they came to a halt in front of the portrait. "Skip? But Ancient Runes is your best class."

"So I can afford to miss one or two," he shrugged, smiling down at her. "Come on, let's go for a walk outside or something. I feel as though I haven't seen you since we got back." She had wondered how long it would take him to realise she'd been avoiding him.

"I don't think so, John," she told him as apologetically as she could. "We're seventh years now; you really can't afford to miss out on _anything_."

He smirked. "Says she who just spent the entire hour of Transfiguration picking at her nails."

She gave him a stern look. "That _wasn't_ intentional. Besides, now I need to use this time to catch up"

He gave her a pouty look – the one that used to work on her all the time – stepping closer to her and nuzzling her neck. It took all of her self-restraint _not_ to push him away. "When are _we_ going to catch up?" He subtly sneaked a hand into the pocket of her robes, massaging her upper thigh through the material.

"Stop it, John!" she hissed heatedly, shoving him off her at last. He looked mildly surprised, glancing over his shoulder at passing students to gauge their reaction. It was minimal. "That's all you ever think about these days. I've had enough of it." Turning on her heel she began to march in the direction of the library.

"Come on, Lily!" she heard him call, running up behind her and grasping her arm so that she was forced to a halt again. "Look, what do you expect?" He looked rather desperate, his hand fixed around her arm as though fearing she would run away again. "You're gorgeous! I get within ten feet of you and I can't control myself."

"Well you're just going to have to try harder, aren't you?"

"What's going on, eh?" she said, giving her a searching look. "Is there something you're not telling me? Before your birthday I thought we were – you know – and now you seem off every time the subject comes up."

Now, she realised, would be the _perfect_ time to break up with him. He knew something was wrong. Right now she could turn around and say 'look John, I just don't feel the same way about you anymore' and that would be it. He wouldn't argue – she couldn't see any reason why he would now he had Judy – and the whole thing would be over rather smoothly and confrontation-free. He'd walk off to Ancient Runes and she'd continue to the library as though nothing had ever happened between them.

But he didn't serve anything so simple.

"I have a rash," she said suddenly, twisting the truth in attempt to give him some sort of reasonable excuse for not wanting to sleep with him anymore. "That's why I went to the hospital wing this morning – I had to get a – a special ointment."

He finally released her arm but still looked a bit confused. "Obviously it's not contagious because Madame Pomfrey would never have let you out."

"I know," she said, crossing her arms over her chest in an attempt to look helpless. "But it's ugly and – and itchy. It's embarrassing; I don't want you to see."

"Lily," he said quietly, taking a step toward her and brushing her face gently with the back of his hand. "You're beautiful – do you really think a rash is going to stop me from thinking so? I'll help you apply your ointment," he added, wiggling his eyebrows. "That'll be fun. Has it spread to your chest yet?"

He sniggered but she pursed her lips, hating that she always had to embarrass herself in these situations to make him see her way. "Not that kind of rash, John," she said quietly, even though the corridor had almost cleared. He gave her a puzzled look. "It's - it's _down there_."

His nose turned up in exactly the same way it had when she'd told him she had her period. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well," he said, obviously trying to get the image out of his head as she shook it momentarily. "Did she say how long it'll last?"

Lily shrugged.

"Right," he said contemplatively. "Right."

"Sorry."

"Hey, it's not your fault I suppose," he said, though he sounded thoroughly disappointed.

"You might want to hurry if you want to make it to Ancient Runes on time."

He nodded, leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek in parting. "See you later then, Lily. I hope you, err, feel better soon."

He did not blow her kisses on his dash down the hall.

She did not mind one bit.

"Have you got a free as well?"

Lily physically jumped as the deep voice of James Potter sliced through the dead silence of the library. He had not spoken loudly but she had not seen another person walk past her aisle in over twenty minutes and had quite forgotten she wasn't entirely alone.

"Sorry," he said, continuing down the aisle of books toward her. "Didn't mean to startle you."

"It's alright," she replied, pushing her hair behind her ears and trying to regain her composure. She went to push the book she had been reading back onto the shelf, not wanting anyone to see what it was she was looking up, but upon glancing up at him from her knelt position she cracked a small smile and opened to her page again. "Perhaps you need some of this too." The skin around his mouth was very red and chaffed. He licked at it sporadically as he leaned closer, looking at the book.

"Don't do that," she said. "You'll make it sore."

Instead he took to rubbing at it with the back of his hand as he read over her shoulder. She felt an awkward silence take over them and found she couldn't concentrate on the words anymore. This was the first time they had spoken since their _practice_. It was strange to think that she hadn't had a proper conversation with this person for years and yet just the other day they had spent over an hour in a rather intimate embrace. She had never ended up with _pash rash_ from a snogging session with John before - things had gotten rather heated - almost exciting. But now she felt he was standing far too close for comfort.

"You're not embarrassed?" Lily asked, discreetly putting some distance between them as she spun around and landed on her bottom with her back to the case.

"Should I be?" he replied, slumping down opposite her and leaning his back against the shelf of books.

"Well," she said, avoiding eye contact as she turned another page of the book in her lap (but not reading it). "Now everyone knows what you've been up to."

"Doesn't matter. Unlike you, _I'm_ not cheating on anyone."

She glanced back up at him momentarily, narrowing her eyes. "I'm _not_ cheating though." He shrugged and she looked down again, fishing a quill from her bag as she found the correct formula. "Do you have any parchment?"

"What happened to that notebook you used to carry around everywhere?"

"Dunno. Lost it back in sixth year."

"Hm," he replied noncommittally before she heard him rustling in his own bag. She looked up briefly as he handed her a small scroll, flashing him a small but thankful smile before jotting down the recipe. He continued to watch her as she wrote.

"Was there something you needed?" she finally asked, storing the quill and parchment into her bag and slotting the book back into its space on the shelf. "I don't usually see you hanging around the library; are you skipping?"

For some reason he smirked, scratching the back of his head as he let out a long sigh. "No, I have a free period. Usually go for a fly." He stared at her again.

And then Lily got it. "You want to know when we're going to practice again," she said knowingly, pushing herself to her feet. She really should have known better. He was far too eager to _help her out_. This was going to end badly, she just knew it. "James, if this is going where I think it's going then maybe we need to had a sit down and talk about a few things because I think it's about time you realised that I don't-"

"Lily," he said, cutting her off. "Get over yourself, okay?"

She looked at him blankly, completely taken aback by his words, because his tone remained quite even.

"I can't fly," he continued calmly. "'Cause it's raining, and everyone else is in class. I saw you sat back there so thought I'd say hello, and maybe see if you needed these."

She glanced down to see him extending what looked like the Transfiguration notes from last period. She felt herself flush slightly and gaped wordlessly before finally managing a small, "Oh." She just wanted the ground to open and swallow her up. This was utter humiliation.

They each averted their eyes as awkwardness washed over them again and Lily finally reached out to take the papers from his hand. "Thanks, I'll have them back by rounds tonight."

He nodded. "See you later then. Hope your rash clears up."

Wide-eyed and red faced she watched him disappear down another aisle. Then she remembered that she _did_ in fact need to schedule another time to practice. Humiliated beyond comprehension she fled the library.


	6. Chapter 6

6.

_Same time tonight?_

Keeping her eyes on Professor Vector at all times, Lily carefully folded the note into her palm and faked a large stretch, dropping it directly onto the desk behind her. She was worried for a moment because she could not hear the recipient unfolding the parchment above the sound of scratching quills and was beginning to wonder if maybe it had dropped to the ground. But soon enough she felt it whiz past her ear before landing lightly on her desk. Checking the Professor was still looking elsewhere; she unfolded the note and laid it atop her lecture notes to look like she was reading them.

_Don't you think it's a big risky putting a question like that in writing?_

She frowned and scribbled a hasty response before passing it back.

_Is that a yes?_

He passed is back quicker this time.

_What do you think?_

_7.30 it is._

Her second meeting with James Potter in the boys' dorm. She was more anxious that the last time for some reason and had put off asking him about it for a whole two days before she dared pluck up the courage to scribble a note – the idea of speaking to him about it was terrifying.

She had always known this was going to be a _little_ awkward; there was no denying that. He was an old friend, nothing more. In fact, he was probably a lot _less_ because they had drifted apart years ago. And now she was arranging secret meetings with him - kissing him like a lover – but she had never loved him. And the scariest thing about it was that while she was doing it, she actually _liked_ kissing this stranger. It didn't matter _who_ he was - he was good at it – it felt _nice_. How sick did she have to be to enjoy kissing strangers?

But the worst part of all was knowing how to deal with him afterwards. What exactly were you supposed to say to a person after snogging them for an hour? _Thankyou_ is what Lily had said last time. Before rushing to the door as fast as she could and knowing he had seen her flush bright red. _Are we done?_ he had replied carelessly. _Good, I was hoping to get a fly in before dinner_. He really was doing this for the money. Sure, she didn't want him to be doing it for any other reason, but it still made her feel pathetic.

She passed the note back, fortunately returning to her _real_ notes just as Professor Vector passed by her desk. She scribbled down the few lines she'd missed from Emmeline's page and the Professor gave her a suspicious stare before moving on again. She was surprised when the little ball of parchment hit her on the side of the head, bouncing into her lap. What more could he have to say?

_Wear something sexy._

She chuckled silently at his idiocy before glancing over her shoulder to throw him a smirk, only to see him copying his notes diligently and not paying her the slightest bit of attention. Sirius however stared back at her meaningfully. She rolled her eyes dramatically and balled up the parchment to throw at his head before turning back to her desk.

"Something you and Mr Black would like to share with the class, Miss Evans?"

Emmeline gave her a sorry look and ducked down in her seat so as not to look like part of the trouble. 

"No Professor," Lily replied innocently.

"Passing notes in my class is not acceptable behaviour," the Professor said sternly, looking over Lily's shoulder and almost certainly eyeing off the ball of parchment on Sirius' desk.

"It was school related," Lily uttered hastily.

The Professor smiled and Lily knew she'd made the number one mistake. "Then you won't mind if I read it aloud." She raised her wand to summon the note to her and Lily panicked. Some of John's best friends were in this class! Both she and Emmeline, who had decided to become involved after all, leapt to their feet in an attempt to catch the tiny ball as it flew through the air, but to their surprise, and the Professor's, someone else caught it.

"I'll get to the bottom of this, Professor," James Potter announced with a cheeky grin, completely ignoring Lily's desperate looks as he unballed the parchment with an expression of deep interest.

"I'll have that, thank you very much Mr Potter-"

"Dear Sirius," he began to 'read' anyway. Many of the students around the room began to giggle, expecting a show from the notorious funny-boy. "I write to invite you to my sleep over party this weekend to be held in the Gryffindor seventh years girls' dormitory-"

Their classmates sniggered and the Professor huffed impatiently. Lily sighed in relief and allowed a small smile as Emmeline giggled from beside her.

"-As you may be aware, this is a regular event during which we, the girls of the Gryffindor seventh year dormitory, spend many hours lounging around in our skimpiest of underwear, eating whipped cream off each other's bodies, practice French kissing, carry out numerous naked pillow fights and the occasional full body massage-"

"Mr Potter that is enough!"

"-Your good friend Mister James Potter may bare witness to the level of enjoyment of this event, as he is a regular guest and an active participant during our evenings-" A cheer from the male half of the class ensued. "-On behalf of the Gryffindor seventh year girls, I, Lily Evans, invite you, Sirius Black, to take part in this _glorious_ event. Please bring with you your favourite brand of spray cream as it will be required during the evening's activities."

The class erupted with a riotous noise, laughing and cheering as Sirius announced loudly to Lily that he would be _honoured_ to attend her party. She shook her head and briefly made eye contact with James who have her a friendly wink. By the time the Professor had called them all to order again and Lily was wondering about the real note, she saw him chewing steadily. She knew first hand how disgusting parchment tasted but was thankful for his quick thinking. Gryffindor was docked twenty points.

"Felling better?"

Lily let out a small cry of surprise as John pinched her bottom in the line for Transfiguration. She turned from Emmeline and Dorcas, who each gave her a knowing look, to find her boyfriend looking expectantly down at her.

"Fine," she said, leaning up slightly to peck him on the cheek as was custom. He daringly held her there for a proper kiss – Professor McGonagall would be arriving any minute – and his arm remained around her when he pulled away, keeping her close.

"Is _everything_ better?"

He was getting desperate. She had barely seen him since she told him about her imaginary rash – there had been no late night walks after dinner and no love notes slipped into her bag. It had been hard to pick up at first, he had been acting so normal, but now it really felt like she was getting used – he only came to see her to see if she was _ready_. It made her feel dirty. But it also made things easier. She'd feed him another lie and he'd disappear for another few days to Judy. At least she had prepared something this time.

"Not really," she said, doing her best to sound apologetic. "I don't know why this rubbish keeps happening to me."

He narrowed his eyes in confusion. "What rubbish?"

She dropped her head in shame. "It's really embarrassing."

He removed his hand from her waist, using it to prop her face up so she was forced to look at him again. "Tell me," he said seriously. "I'm not going to laugh at you, am I? Come on, it's _me_, you can tell me anything."

She took a guarded glance over her shoulder, all part of the act, and leaned in close so that she could whisper in his ear. "I have an STD."

He pulled away from her in shock and she was surprised to see him looking more angry than disgusted. He went to say something but in the next moment, glanced over her shoulder and then took her firmly by the wrist, pulling her out of the line and around the corner out of earshot of their fellow students.

"Ow, you're pinching me."

He released her instantly but moved in close so that he could talk quietly still. "I thought you were a virgin."

His statement shocked her. "Of course I am!" she replied indignantly.

"Shhh!" he hissed at her, glancing down the hall at passing students before fixing her with a hard stare. 'Then how the hell did you get an STD?"

"Well, I-" She stuttered. "-I just picked it up, I don't know!"

"You just picked it up?" he repeated.

"Yes!"

Why was he being difficult now? He'd believed her about the rash. He ran a hand over his brow and looked extremely frazzled by all of this. 

"What's the matter?"

"No Lily," he replied, sounding equally weary. "What's the matter with _you_? If there's a problem here, why don't you just tell me?"

She frowned. "I just did."

He shook his head as though he didn't believe a word. Lily began to panic. Somehow he knew she was lying and he was upset with her – he never got upset with her. She couldn't have him dump her; it would ruin everything!

"John, I don't understand," she said pleadingly, reaching out to take his hand, as she would have done before. He pulled it away sharply. 

"If you're not ready, then just say so," he said quietly but firmly, looking cross. "Stop leading me on and then making up these stupid excuses. Did you even _have_ a rash?"

"Yes!" she cried indignantly once more. It was sort of true.

He ran a hand across his forehead again and stepped back from her looking frustrated. "So what's the problem then?"

Now Lily was getting frustrated. "I just _told_ you, I have a-"

"You do _not_ have an STD," he said with certainty, looking the most serious that Lily had ever seen him. "Do you even know what it means?"

"Yes," Lily replied hotly, insulted. "And I'm trying to do you a favour because I don't want _you_ to catch it!"

"It means you had to have had sex already!" he all but shouted out loud. Lily felt all the colour drain out of her face. Oh shit. "So either you're lying to me about that or you're lying to me about being a virgin," he said, obviously straining to keep his cool after that little outburst. "Which is it, Lily?"

This time she really did drop her head in shame. What an idiot she was. In her attempts to disgust him she had really gone too far. "I don't have an STD," she admitted pitifully.

"Why are you doing this?" he said, sounding disappointed. "You're obviously not ready, why don't you just say so?"

She raised her head in surprise. "You can tell that?"

He exhaled loudly and gave a shrug. "I mean, I've been hoping you were coming around of course, and…" He trailed off. "I suppose the anticlimax of your birthday didn't really come as much of a surprise. But you don't have to make up all these silly lies. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to."

It was the perfect excuse. She should have used it from the beginning.

"I'm not ready," she said confidently. "I thought I was, but I've realised I'm not."

"Good," he said with a nod. "You should be certain about it."

She nodded too and tentatively reached out to take his hand, thankful that he had not decided to just drop her over the whole issue. She was not going to have lost forty galleons and an hour of her life kissing James Potter only to end up the one being dumped. In fact, he was being remarkably nice about the whole thing really. "You're not upset with me?"

He sighed again and began to lead her back around the corner. "Disappointed, sure. Who _wouldn't_ want to be with a girl like you? But I'm sure I'll manage until you tell me you're ready."

And then she remembered Judy. Yes, he'd manage all right.

"Oh crap," he added as they realised the class had gone – everyone had already filed into the room. "Quick," he said, releasing her hand and darting towards the door. "McGonagall will have a fit."

But Lily merely lagged behind as he dashed ahead and came to a halt as she watched him disappear into the room. She could not bare the idea of spending the next hour beside him with that image of Judy in her head and made a slow walk down to the library.

"Stop, stop, stop! This is _terrible_!"

Lily pulled away from James, both of them turning to Sirius in frustration. "What now?' she said angrily.

"You're not _listening_," he replied just as irritably. "You're supposed to be caressing each other, not searching around like you've lost your keys!"

"You try _caressing_ his bum!" Lily retorted.

Sirius turned his nose up in disgust. "No!"

"Exactly," Lily scoffed. "It's weird for me too, so just shut up."

Unable to argue further with the girl, Sirius turned to his friend. "Mate, come on, you're letting me down here."

James sighed in clear frustration. He had remained pretty quiet during both practice sessions and was extremely tolerant of their tough director, even as Lily screamed at them both, but even he was showing signs of stress at being yelled at all evening. "Look," he said, bordering on patience. "It feels right, it can't be that bad."

"It is."

Both James and Lily scoffed loudly.

"You're just being annoying now," Lily said plainly, folding her arms across her chest. "He's right, it feels nice-" Sirius raised his eyebrows and she saw James turn to her from the corner of her eye. "Fine," she rephrased carefully. "It feels fine – normal. You're being pedantic."

"Because you're not giving me much to work with!" Sirius cried exasperatedly, rising from the bed and approaching them. "Normal isn't going to cut it, okay? Here," he added, pushing them together and forcing Lily's arms to where they had been moments ago, around James' neck. "Now, feel her up," he ordered.

James looked unimpressed and Lily scoffed, pulling away. "That's so uncouth."

"Just do it," Sirius sneered, waiting for them to get back into position. "Don't kiss, just touch her. Go."

They shared a rare moment of having their eyes open at this proximity and gave each other a meaningful look in regards to their irksome director before James lazily dropped his hands to just below her bottom and slowly rounded her curves before moving up her sides and back down again. It was an amusing sight with them both looking bored to bits. But Sirius wasn't smiling.

"There," he said pointing vaguely at Lily but looking at James. "You just missed all the best bits! Do it again."

This time James didn't even look at Lily, glaring at his friend as he swiped his hands over her bottom this time and lowered them again, giving her an exaggerated squeeze. "Better?" he asked dryly.

Sirius shrugged. "Getting there, do it again."

Lily felt ridiculous standing there and allowing this boy to grope her, but Sirius made him do it again and again. She wondered if she'd have handprints on her arse cheeks by morning; it appeared James was using her backside as a stress relief toy.

"Are you conscious you're doing that?" Sirius asked eventually, sounding intrigued. He narrowed his eyes at his best friend.

"Doing what?" Lily and James asked simultaneously.

Sirius scratched his chin before physically taking James' hands and following the track they had taken up and down her body, stopping at her ribcage. "It's like you're too conscious of what you're doing," he said to James. "You don't touch her breasts. You get close, and you look like you want to, but then you just don't do it."

Lily had stopped listening at the word breasts. She'd never heard Sirius say anything besides tits and boobs. He seriously wanted James to touch her there. But it was so intimate – she had only let John do that a couple of times. She really didn't know if she was comfortable. She glanced at James and he too looked embarrassed at the suggestion. Sirius seemed to pick up on the awkward tension at least.

"Amateurs," he muttered. "Fine, but we'll have to work on it sometime."

Relieved, James and Lily released each other at last. "That it then?" James asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. Lily smoothed down her clothing where James had rumpled it and prepared to leave for the night.

"Not so fast," Sirius stopped them. "I let you off with the titty thing; we're not done."

Lily groaned audibly.

"Do you want help or not?" Sirius glared at her. "You're paying us, you might as well make the most of it."

"I'm not paying you to be annoying! Thanks for the tips but I think James and I can take it from here." She made to leave again but Sirius blocked her path.

"Let me hear some sounds."

Lily's nose scrunched up in utter bewilderment. "What?"

"Sounds," Sirius repeated slowly. "You snog in silence."

For some reason this felt like an insult. "I don't _always_-"

"You do with him," Sirius cut her off.

"Well maybe that's because I'm not exactly enjoying myself." She refused to look at James whom she was sure to have just insulted. The truth of course was that she _did_ enjoy snogging him, he was a fantastic kisser, but she felt like a fool moaning and making those appreciative sounds that were expected with fast paced snogging. She wasn't _supposed_ to be enjoying herself.

"Sounds," Sirius repeated sternly. He stared at her expectantly. 

"Now?"

"Yes, _now_."

She was embarrassed. Those kinds of things – the sound she might make when she was turned on – were very private. They weren't meant for pervy Sirius to get an earful, and James wasn't supposed to witness that either. Besides, how much would John be able to hear over the noise of a party?

"No."

Sirius cocked his head as though pretending not to have heard her. "Pardon?"

"I'm not doing it," she said simply.

Sirius glared at her. 

"Come on," James interrupted, stepping forward. "She's had enough, forget it."

"I don't get you," Sirius said, ignoring his friend. "You asked me for help and you're not listening to anything, are you? How do you expect to do this properly if you're not doing what I'm telling you? You can't do it by yourself."

That angered Lily. She wasn't a complete prude. She knew how to bloody kiss someone but it wasn't easy to maul a stranger. Especially this one.

"You know what?" he said hotly. "I've had enough of this. I don't need you; I can do this by myself." She glanced at James and took a step toward him. "_We_ can do this by ourselves."

James glanced own at her before turning to his mate and giving a slight shrug.

Sirius scoffed. "Fine, bugger it up for all I care. Just don't come crying to me, wishing you'd listened when you make complete fools of yourselves."

"Fine."

"_Fine_."

"FINE!"

Lily considered leaving again but Sirius threw her a dirty look and beat her to the door before disappearing through it with a few muttered insults. She heard James release a long breath and turned back to face him, completely baffled as to what had just occurred.

"He'll get over it," James said. "He's just afraid he won't get his share of the money."

Lily rolled her eyes before they each seemed to realise they were completely alone and awkwardness set in. Lily was the first to speak.

"So, we can still do this, right?"

"Oh sure," James replied positively. "I mean, it's just snogging, isn't it? We'll be fine, we don't even need to practice any more I reckon."

"Exactly," Lily nodded, making toward the door again. "Well I'm glad that's all sorted. So I guess I'll see you around, right?"

"Sure," James nodded.

With a smile, she grasped the doorhandle and let herself out, making her way down the steps and feeling as though a big weight had been lifted off her shoulders. No more practice. No more James Potter. Soon the whole thing would be over and she'd never have to worry about Sirius or James or John or Judy again. She couldn't wait.


	7. Chapter 7

7.

"Found mine in my school bag finally, _inside_ my power case! It's so weird, it wasn't there this morning and I've had it with me all day! Where'd you find yours?"

"Back of my Potions textbook."

"Dorcas?"

"In my underwear drawer."

"Well that's not half disturbing."

"You're not wrong! How do they do it?"

"I don't think I want to know."

The three girls compared their invitations to Peter Pettigrew's eighteenth birthday party. It was only two weeks away, and as tradition, the invites started appearing in random places all over the school. No one knew how they did it, because Lily was sure she'd left her Potions textbook in her bag (under her bed) but upon opening it during class that morning she had found the folded bit of parchment inside the back cover. It was really odd.

"Wait a minute," Dorcas said, pausing in the corridor as the girls made their way down to dinner. "They're holding it on the seventh floor! They're not stupid enough to use a classroom, are they? We'll all get detention!"

"I didn't think there were any rooms up there," Lily added, referring to her invitation once more. "Seventh floor opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy." 

"Are you sure?" Emmeline added, checking her own. "There's got to be some sort of room up there. They're not going to hold it in the corridor."

"Oh God, I hope they're not going to try anything too stupid," Lily muttered, folding her parchment and stuffing it back into her pocket.

"Let's hope they know what they're doing," Emmeline added gravely.

The girls descended a flight of stairs and caught sight of John heading up another with Judy Webster. He didn't see them. "Where'd you suppose _they're_ going?" Dorcas muttered darkly.

"Who cares," Lily replied nonchalantly, continuing their steady pace down the hall. "As long as she's keeping him occupied he's not bothering me."

"Don't worry, Lil," Emmeline said encouragingly. "Only two weeks left until you're shot of him for good. How's practice with Potter going?"

Lily shrugged. "It's not."

"Really?" Emmeline said, sounding concerned. "You're just going to wing it?"

"I don't see why not?" Lily replied haughtily. "Why does everything think we're a pair of prudes that can't kiss to save our lives? _You_ never had a boyfriend until Sirius," she said accusingly to Emmeline, who looked slightly sheepish in return. "James has had tonnes of girlfriends and I'm – well I've had a few, _and_ I've been with John for ages - I know what I'm doing!"

"Of course you do!" Dorcas added. "We're not saying anything less; but it was _you_ that insisted on practising."

"Actually, it was Sirius who talked me into it."

"Fair enough," Dorcas conceded. "But now you know you don't need it. It's good that you're all ready – it'll come around fast."

Lily nodded and they lapsed into silence for a moment as they continued the walk to dinner, but she couldn't stop thinking about what Dorcas had just said.

_Now you know you don't need it. It's good that you're all ready…_

But she _had_ needed it, hadn't she? The first time she tried to kiss James they were a mess. Sirius had helped them find a good pace and helped them choreograph a sort of routine – how to hold each other, how to initiate the kiss, when to let her hands wander, when to let him kiss her neck while she faked an expression of ecstasy... It was never something that was going to come naturally between them and they had needed that guidance.

But now, she tried to reason with herself, now they had that sorted. Right? Sirius said they needed to make noise and get a little bit more touchy feely, but that was no big deal. The hardest part was the actual kissing and they had that down pat. She'd be fine. It was all going to be fine.

"Oh my," Dorcas interrupted her thoughts, coming to a halt and forcing the other girls to stop with them. "Someone's getting frisky," she added in an amused whisper. She pointed down the hall and sure enough they could hear those tell-tale signs of some randy couple that Lily was all too familiar with from her late night rounds. It was a bit early in the day, she thought, considering the halls were still rather busy, but they had taken a short cut and not many people came down here. The couple obviously knew that too.

"Shh," Emmeline hissed, trying not laugh as they began to tiptoe down the hall. The other girls followed, their hands over their mouths as more giggles threatened to escape them. The couple were being ridiculously vocal.

"Oh yeah, baby."

The girls paused to share a disturbed glance between them.

"Do that again, mmm, don't stop."

"Is that for real?" Dorcas muttered to Lily, eyeing the slightly swaying tapestry that was keeping the couple from view. "Sounds like a bad porno."

"What would you know about porn?" Emmeline snorted.

"Hush!" Lily hissed at them, watching the tapestry with concern. "You don't suppose they're doing _other things_ in there, do you?"

Dorcas shrugged and Emmeline looked revolted. "That's disgusting!" she said in an angry whisper.

"You should say something, Lily," Dorcas added.

"Me?" She was going to ask why exactly she had been nominated for the unfortunate task, but she already knew the answer – she was Head Girl. "I don't want to poke my head round there – what if they _are_ doing something nasty? I don't want to see that! Besides, it's not past curfew."

"So you should just leave them and let some little kid walk in on them instead?"

Lily huffed. Dorcas had a point. "Fine, I'll do it," she said moodily, creeping toward the couple. "But you two can steal the bleach for my eyeballs."

She stopped just before the tapestry with a disgusted sneer that seemed to be permanently etched across her face. There were two people – she hoped only two people – doing God only knows what within a few inches of her. And _she_ had to tell them to stop. She'd never be able to look either of them in the face once she'd found out who they were.

"Hurry up, Lily," Emmeline hissed from behind her. "Just do it!"

She sent them both a scowl over her shoulder before approaching the tapestry side on, hoping to get a peek at the couple as it flapped with their movements. If they weren't doing anything too bad she'd just make a run for it, and if they were… Well, she needed to get a good look first. She pressed herself against the wall so as not to be spotted.

It appeared to be a small alcove behind the tapestry. She had to wonder if it was secretly a hidden doorway, being enclosed as it was, or maybe some randy teenagers had moved the tapestry there on purpose to use as a secret snogging spot. She wouldn't be surprised. Inside, it appeared very cramped and she could make out two bodies – only two – very closely entwined but thankfully also very clothed. 

Their faces couldn't be made out in the darkness but they were definitely involved in a very heated snogging session. Sloppy kissing sounds, breathy gasps and desperate moans made their way to Lily's ears and she realised _this_ was what Sirius had been talking about. She and James had been kissing in silence, and although _they_ knew it felt good, no one else knew. It was the noises that they could make that told everyone else just what was going on inside their heads – it was the noises of these two that had made the three girls think there was something else going on behind that tapestry. The girl moaned wantonly again. Could _she_ sound like that?

"Lily!" Dorcas hissed. "What are you doing? Just get on with it!"

Lily scowled at her again and was about to mouth to them that it was okay because the couple weren't doing anything _too_ naughty, when a rather different sort of noise erupted from within the alcove. Lily's head flipped back immediately and she felt Emmeline and Dorcas approach out of curiosity. He sounded like he was almost in pain, but at the same time he was whispering to his girl between pants.

"Yes, yes… Merlin, yessss…."

"What the hell is she doing to him?" Dorcas whispered, trying to push Lily out the way for a better look. Emmeline looked put out at not being in visual range at all. There was no denying it. They were three healthy teenage witches with a furious curiosity about the male species. This had gone from disgusting to intriguing. Lily shoved her back roughly, trying to see better but not wanting to be seen. What _was_ she doing to him?

She couldn't figure it out at first. They had stopped snogging but the noises the boy was making told them he was still having the time of his life. Dorcas gasped, obviously having seen _something_ and it only took Lily a split second to find it as she dropped her gaze slightly. She was touching him….there. Now that really was _very_ naughty.

Lily grabbed her two friends and hoisted them away from the tapestry to a safe distance. "This is the Head Girl," she announced loudly, trying to sound menacing but hearing her voice waver. "Stop what you are doing instantly."

There was a frantic scramble from behind the tapestry but Lily didn't wait to see who they were before docking points. Embarrassed beyond belief and yet completely excited about what she had seen, she felt at odds with herself and took off at a run down the hall with the girls behind her. They giggled nervously all the way to dinner.

All Lily knew was that she and James had to pick up their act.

"We need to practice."

James looked surprised to see her as he emerged from the changing rooms; his hair damp and his broom slung over one shoulder. Lily fell into step with him as he began toward the castle. "I thought you didn't want Sirius involved" he said casually. 

"I don't," she agreed, finding that she had to increase her pace to keep up with his long strides. "I think _we_ should practice. Alone. Probably somewhere really private."

He looked concerned, shifting the weight of his broom as they continued to walk. "I thought we were done."

Lily could not help the nervous giggle that escaped her with the memory of what she had seen earlier that day. "I think we're very far from done."

He looked at her oddly again. "Alright, if you say so. But we can't use the dorm anymore if you're not going to include Sirius."

"That's okay," she nodded, relieved that he was willing to continue. "I have somewhere in mind." Surely she could find _somewhere_ to practice in this enormous castle. Maybe one of the girls knew a good spot. She already knew the bad ones from catching teenagers after hours during patrol.

"Right," he said, shifting his broom again and looking straight ahead. "We're not on rounds for another hour. Give me ten minutes to put my gear away. Where's this place? I'll meet you there."

"Now?" She hadn't meant the surprise to continue into her voice.

He gave her what could almost be described as a tired look. "I have other things going on in my life besides this, Lily. If you want my time then you're just going to have to take what you can get."

He was blunt, but she _would_ take what she could get because she was desperate. The problem lay in where exactly she was going to take him for practice. She told him the only place she could think of with such short notice. "There's an alcove on the fourth floor, do you know it?"

He cocked his head to the side as he looked at her. "The one behind the tapestry?"

She nodded. It seemed dirty going there after what she had witnessed, and she would be no better than that scandalous couple, but they were unlikely to be caught so late, and the area was rarely patrolled.

"Aw, come on Lily," he said, sounding disappointed. "You're better than that. I'm not kissing you in some dingy hole; don't you have access to the potions room? Slughorn practically fancies you." 

"Not enough."

He stopped walking as they approached the steps of the castle, looking thoughtful. Lily waited for him to speak with baited breath. "I know somewhere," he finally admitted, looking torn about revealing the information to her. "But you can't tell anyone, it's supposed to be a surprise for the-"

"Seventh floor," she said knowingly. "Opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy."

He nodded, looking pleased with her sharpness.

She cocked her head in interest. "What's up there, anyway?"

"You tell me," he said, starting up the steps. There was something cheeky about the way he said it, a playful glint in his eye. "Go on ahead," he said, allowing her to pass through the doors before her. "I'll be there in a tick."

He was still acting playful and Lily was intrigued; what was so special about this room? Eager to find out, she ran ahead as he had told her, slowing to a walk as she finally lost her breath after jogging up the many flights of stairs.

The corridors were quiet with most students finishing up at dinner or having returned to their common rooms. She wasn't supposed to be wandering around at this time; her rounds didn't start for a while, but no one was going to question the head girl – _she_ made up the patrol schedule after all. And so she felt quiet confident arriving on the deserted seventh floor and casually making her way along to the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. She took a moment to inspect the area and sure enough, there was no room to be found. She wondered about the tapestry itself and peeked behind it in hope of some hidden doorway, but it was just a wall. She should have known better - the invitation had said _opposite_ the tapestry.

She turned again and stared at the opposite wall with her hands on her hips. Surely she wasn't _that_ stupid, was she? It was definitely a blank wall. She stepped closer and allowed her fingers to touch the bricks, wondering if there was some sort of illusion in place, but it really _felt_ like a plain brick wall too. Perhaps there was a trick to it, she thought, pulling out her wand and tapping random bricks – like in Diagon Alley. But if there was, she certainly couldn't figure out the sequence. She lowered her wand, smirking to herself; was Potter really clever enough to make an entire room appear out of thin air?

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

Lily whipped around quickly, startled by the appearance of three boys slowly making their way down the corridor toward her. She recognised them easily; Wilkes, Rosier and Snape – all Slytherins. Snape lagged behind looking bored while the other two leered at her.

"What's a little Mudblood like you doing wandering the halls alone?"

"Hello, boys," she said, allowing the insult to wash over her and refusing to be put off by their lame attempts at scaring her. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to dock points of you don't have a good excuse for being out of your common room."

"Oh we're terrified," Rosier mocked her. "Shaking in our boots, aren't we lads?"

"Please, don't take our precious _points_," Wilkes added, putting on a shaky voice. The two chuckled at their own _clever_ jokes. Lily sneered. She had no reason to worry; these boys were all talk.

"Come on," Snape finally drawled, coming to a halt. "Let's leave the head girl to her wall inspection before she reports us."

"No!" Wilkes protested, stepping closer. Lily refused to be intimidated and kept her feet planted firmly where they were, staring back at him. "I think we'll have some fun first."

"Must we? These Griffindors never use real hexes, it's so dull."

"But it's not every day you find the Mudblood wandering around with out her boyfriend."

She scoffed. "Potter's not my boyfriend."

"Funny," Rosier smirked. "I thought we were talking about Johnny Willis." She felt herself blush and tried to remain calm. "Careful Evans, wouldn't want to spread any rumours. Or maybe we should; might be nice to see Potter get his face smashed in."

"I'm not so sure Willis would care," Snape added lazily from his position at the back of the group. "Seems he's been spending an awful lot of time with Miss Webster of late." He smirked at Lily. "Shocked, Mudblood?"

"Twenty points from Slytherin," Lily announced as steadily as she could, with Wilkes in her face. "For the use of foul language toward a Muggle born student. Go back down to the dungeons or it will be another twenty."

"You don't get it, do you?" Rosier added darkly, coming in closer until she had both boys standing over her. "We don't care about points, Mudblood. Someday you'll realise the world isn't run by house points and prefects. Take a look at the big picture, Evans. You're nothing – you're less than nothing. When we all get out of here your sort will be the first to go."

"Twenty points," Lily announced loudly, making herself as tall as possible and refusing to be intimidated, keeping her wand hanging by her side. "Twenty points from Slytherin for making threats against another-"

She stopped with a gasp as Rosier grabbed her wrist tightly. "You really don't get it."

He squeezed so tightly that Lily was forced to drop her wand. Wilkes made a grab for it but she kicked Rosier hard in the shin, snatching it up again as he released her. He cried out in pain and swore violently. Lily brandished her wand, daring any of them to come closer.

"I told you," Snape interrupted, making no effort to join the party. "She won't duel properly. Just leave her; she's not even worth it."

Wilkes tried to send a hex at her while she was distracted but she was too fast and deflected it easily. "Says who?" she spat. "You two never even made it to NEWT level defence," she added meanly, looking between Rosier and Wilkes. "Get out of here before I do you serious damage."

But they just smirked at her. "We have a much better teacher now," Rosier said darkly.

Lily had heard the rumours of course; that Voldemort was recruiting students from within the school. She hadn't believed it though; why would Dumbledore let them into the school? He trusted people far too much.

"What should we do to her?" Wilkes added, as the two boys began circling her, looking her up and down. Snape watched on from across the corridor, his arms folded and leaning lazily against the wall. "Shall we take off her knickers and perform a _levicorpus_ for everyone to see? I might enjoy that."

She saw Rosier roll his eyes before turning to his friend. "You have the best looking Mudblood in the school at your mercy and you want to take her underpants and give everyone else a peek? Really, is that the best you can come up with?"

Lily was getting impatient. "You don't _have_ me at your mercy," she scoffed. "Honestly, this is just ridiculous. I'm going to give you three seconds to bugger off and them I'm going to hex you into the next millennium. Some attackers, you are. You haven't even tried to retrain me; I could kick you in the nuts right now and put you all out of action for a month. Get out of my sight."

She heard Snape chuckle but Rosier and Wilkes looked livid. "What are you laughing at?" Rosier barked at Snape. "Maybe if you'd try helping instead of hanging back there like a coward."

Something seemed to come over Snape at these words and he stepped forward angrily. "Perhaps if you weren't so incompetent you wouldn't need my help." He turned sharply to Lily, and before she had time to even react her wand flew out of her hand and straight into Snape's. "You didn't even think to disarm her," Snape snapped at his friends. "_She's_ not incompetent; she could have blown your brains out if she'd had the guts."

Lily made to grab for Rosier's wand as he held it midair while glaring at Snape, but again Snape witnessed her movement and a split second later she found herself frozen in a full body bind. She fell to the floor, feeling pain shoot through her body and for the first time she started to panic. What would they do to her?

But then there was a flash and the next moment Wilkes landed on the floor beside her with a grunt of pain. Someone was shouting and she recognised James' voice.

It was frustrating not being able to see anything from her vantage point. Wilkes shakily got to his feet again and there was some more shouting and flashes of hexes flying about the corridor. She smiled, or at least she would have, as she realised that it was the Slytherins who were the ones crying out in pain, and she silently cheered for her hero. But the next moment he too landed beside her in a body bind. His eyes crinkled apologetically behind his cracked glasses.

Nice work Potter.


	8. Chapter 8

8.

_Lily retrieved a bobble from her book bag, using it to tie back her long red hair into a messy bun on the top of her head. She stretched her arms over her head and cracked her knuckles before returning to the homework spread across the table before her. Madame Pince glared at her from across the library and Lily sent her a small smile, willing herself not to crack the knuckles of her other hand. It was a bad habit she'd picked up from hanging around boys for too long. They seemed to think it was impressive; Lily found it relaxing._

She had to stop herself from squealing as two hands grabbed her around the middle. She whipped around to find James smirking at her before rounding the table and nosily dropping his book bag over her work. 

"Finally decided to show up?" she whispered, purposely pushing the bag off the table as he took a seat opposite.

"Hey, I have to practice if I want to make the team," he argued.

"You don't need practice," she muttered, as though it annoyed her to admit the fact. "You fly like a pro and you know it. You and Sirius just want to show off for the girls."

He smiled. "Maybe."

"Yeah, yeah. Well anyway, you owe me big time; I did your Transfiguration essay. Sirius can do his own, my hand is cramped."

He frowned, taking the parchment she held out to him. "I thought you were hanging out with Emmeline and Dorcas today?"

"Yeah, this morning. I've been sat here forever waiting for you."

He chuckled, reaching down into his bag and retracing a roll of parchment of similar size. "Practice was this morning too," he said, handing her the scroll. "I've been in the common room doing your_ essay."_

They laughed together at their stupidity until Madam Pince cleared her throat loudly, glaring at them from across the library.

"Come on," James whispered, still smiling. "Let's go." He helped her gather up her books and grabbed Lily's bag for her as they hurried out into the corridor.

"Thanks," she said, extending her hand to take it.

"I can carry it," he said casually, shrugging it further up his shoulder.

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Okay," she shrugged. He had been doing things like that a lot lately – helping her out in little ways for no reason at all. Not that he wasn't a helpful person before, but Lily didn't understand the extra effort he seemed to be putting in lately – she didn't need help – but he gave it to her anyway, unnecessarily. "So what do you want to do?" she asked as they began toward the Tower. "Chess? I reckon I'm good enough to beat you now."

He laughed. "Big words, Evans. You want to bet on that?"

"Homework for a week," she said, extending her hand.

"You're on," he nodded, giving her hand a firm shake. "I hope you learn some good exercises for those hand cramps – you're going to need them."

She pulled a face and they laughed again, rounding another corner and up another flight of stairs. She felt him watching her and turned to him expectantly. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

"Hey Potter!"

They turned to see an older boy in Quidditch robes hurrying toward them. He looked out of breath like he had been running after them the whole way.

"Potter," he panted. "Good news, Baxter wants you at practice tomorrow – Simmons knackered his leg - you're going to play as Chaser for the next match."

James was speechless.

"That's great!" Lily replied for him. "James!" she added, shoving him in the chest when he still didn't respond.

"Wow," James said, finally finding his voice. "Thank you," he added, extending his hand to the boy. "I won't let you down!"

"Prove it on Saturday and you might find yourself with a permanent position," the boy said, returning James' handshake. "Gotta run, see you tomorrow." They watched his jog off down the hall.

"I can't believe it," Lily said, turning to James. "This is wonderful! You're on the team! Your Dad would be so proud."

"Might_ be on the team," he corrected her, though Lily could see he was battling trying not to grin too hard._

"Oh of course you'll get on the team," she said, smacking him playfully on the arm. "Don't be so stupid, you're brilliant."

"I am, aren't I?" he smirked.

"Don't get cocky," she warned. She stared off toward the Tower again but he did not follow.

"Hey Lily," he called.

"Yeah?" She turned to see him standing in the same spot, smiling at her funny. "Are you coming or what?" He beckoned her toward him and she cocked her head curiously but he remained tight lipped until she was standing right in front of him. "What?"

"You're_ brilliant," he said. She furrowed her brow in confusion - he was acting so oddly - but then he surprised her even further, leaning forward and placing the quickest and tiniest of kisses on her cheek. _

"What was that for?" she smirked, wiping her cheek dramatically on the back of her hand.

"I dunno," he shrugged, smiling.

She eyed him oddly. "What's with you lately?"

He looked thoughtful and bit his lip for a second, looking almost nervous. She'd never seen him like this, it was weird. "Do you want to go out with me?" he said eventually. 

"What?"

"Go out with me."

He had her stunned. "I…no."

He merely blinked, as though still waiting for a response.

Lily felt an awkwardness she's never experienced with him before. "Are you – are you joking?" she asked hesitantly. He dropped his gaze for a moment and scratched the back of his head. "I'm sorry," she said, trying to catch his eye. "I can't tell, you're being…are you?"

He shrugged. Lily wasn't quite sure what was going on. She forced a laugh, trying to ease the situation and finally he laughed too. "Don't make jokes like that," she said, grabbing his sleeve and forcing him to walking back with her toward the Tower. "You have the strangest sense of humour. Come on, let's go tell everyone about your news." She was smiling again but it was forced. Something wasn't right all of a sudden.

"Yeah," he said, picking up the pace. "I'll race you…"

"What's the matter, Potter?" Snape sneered as Lily was propped beside him in the broom closet. "Isn't this your dream come true?"

James managed a grunt but Lily could not see with her face pressed into his robes. She imagined him to be scowling at their captors.

"Don't worry," Wilkes added with a laugh, though he nursed his broken arm. "We'll take off the jinx so you can have your way with her." They all laughed cruelly. Lily couldn't wait to get out of here; she was going to report them all to Dumbledore.

The light began to dim and Lily realised they were shutting them in. But true to their word, Lily felt her body become slack and she sagged against James for a moment as she got her bearings. James growled and knocked her out of the way as he made a mad dash for the door but the Slytherins were quick and locked them in, leaving them in complete darkness. James banged on the door and shouted several obscenities but soon the sounds of laughter and footsteps were fading away and before long they were well and truly alone.

"Fantastic," Lily muttered, searching around until she found what was perhaps an overturned bucket. She sat herself down on it with a huff, and then a groan because her hip hurt like hell from falling on the stone floor earlier. "Just fantastic. This is _exactly_ the way I wanted to spend the rest of my night."

She heard James shuffling around, still breathing heavily with anger before there was a soft _thud_ and she knew he too had parked himself on the floor. "Why didn't you do anything?" he finally growled in her direction. "Why did you let them do that to you?"

"Excuse me," Lily scoffed. "I did not _let_ them do anything. And who are you to talk? You ended up in here too!"

He was silent for a moment before adding, "I saw you though! You had them all and you just stood there. Why didn't you hex them?"

"I didn't see the point," Lily argued. "They weren't doing anything. Snape only snapped like he did because Rosier pissed him off."

"Oh, so you forgive him, do you?"

"No," Lily shot back. "Why didn't _you_ do something, anyway? You had a clean shot, why didn't you try _expelliamus_ instead of trying to start a duel you couldn't possibly win?"

He was silent again and Lily folded her arms across her chest with another huff. "Now we're going to be stuck in here forever."

"Sirius will come looking for us," he muttered.

"And how long do you suppose it will take him to search the entire castle?"

She got the impression he was going to say something but changed his mind at the last minute.

"Where the hell are we, anyway?" Lily continued irritably. "I didn't even know there _were_ any rooms along here."

"There's only one," he replied moodily. "The one I told you about. I have no fucking idea _where_ we are."

"Super," she shot back. They fell into silence once more and lily rubbed her poorly hip. She was probably bruised.

"Do you want to play a game?" he spoke up eventually, the resentment having faded from his voice.

"Sure," she quipped. "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with N."

"Nothing?"

"Gee, how did you guess?"

He chuckled softly and Lily found she couldn't stay grouchy for long. They were stuck here with only each other for company until someone came along and found them and it was as simple as that. She might as well get used to it.

"Okay, forget the games," he said. "Bad idea."

"Not wrong," she commented.

They lapsed into silence once more and the idea of practicing naturally crossed Lily's mind but she wasn't sure whether or not to suggest it. She pursed her lips in thought as she gave him a side long glance – not that he could see her. The idea of coming up here had been to practice after all and their current situation, although not the most comfortable, was probably ideal. They had needed a private room and now they had one. But James hadn't suggested it at all. He was looking to pass the time by playing games…

"Well, we found a room," she said lightly, hoping to sound casual and not as though she were desperate to start snogging him. She wished she could see his face to gauge his reaction. He chuckled again but did not reply. She rolled her eyes, hating that she had to push further for him to take the hint. "Well?"

"Oh," he said, sounding honestly surprised. "You're serious?"

"Well, yes," she said reluctantly. "That was the plan for tonight, wasn't it? We might as well-"

"No."

"No?"

"I told you, Lily. I'm not going to kiss you in some dirty…wherever the hell we are." He sounded genuinely upset with her for even suggesting it.

"I don't see the difference," Lily muttered. "Kissing in a broom closet, kissing in a bedroom, kissing at a party – it's all just kissing."

He did not reply and again she wished she could see his face.

"Fine," she huffed once more. "What are we going to do then?"

She heard him shift position. "I dunno, I guess we could…talk."

"Talk?"

"Talk."

"Okay," she sighed. "So…how are you finding the alterations I made to the patrol schedule? Are you fitting your practice in better?"

For some reason he snorted. "That's not what I meant. When I say talk I-" He paused. "How are you, Lily?"

It was probably the last thing she expected him to say. They didn't talk about themselves – not like that – not any more. She couldn't remember the last time he'd said it and not meant to enquire about head duties or homework.

"I'm…fine," she replied, finally finding her voice again. "I think."

"You think?"

"Well, I'm paying a strange man to kiss me so I can publicly humiliate my cheating, lousy excuse for a boyfriend, and now I'm trapped in a broom closet for an undetermined period of time. Fine might be an exaggeration. How are you?"

He laughed softly. "In that case I'm fine too."

"You poor thing."

He laughed again, louder this time, and it made Lily smile. He'd always had a nice laugh – the kind that was infectious. It was pleasant.

"How's your Mum?" she asked as he sobered. "Doing okay?"

"So-so," he replied. "We've hired a nursemaid for her; did I mention it?"

Of course not, they hadn't spoken in years. "No, you didn't."

"Well she needs the extra help, you know. Her memory's not what it used to be. She keeps calling me Alfred. _Handsome Alfred_."

"I thought your Dad's name was Alistair?"

"It _was_," he said gravely. "I don't even want to know who this Alfred guy was – gives me the creeps."

She laughed, imagining the look on his face as he said it. Silence took them again for a moment and she sensed him shuffle a bit closer. She flinched slightly as something touched her leg, but she realised it was his hand, searching for hers. She was no stranger to his touch any more, but after speaking about his sick mother, she wondered if there was something wrong. She caught his fingers and he took her hand in his, giving it a small squeeze.

"I'm sorry about your parents," he said quietly.

"Oh James," she said, relieved that he wasn't about to announce that his mother was actually on her deathbed. "Don't be silly, that was ages ago."

"I know," he said, and she felt him squeeze her hand again. "But I didn't say it before, did I? I wasn't there."

"I didn't ask you to be."

"But you were, when my Dad-"

"James," she cut him off, feeling that this 'talk' was getting far too serious for her liking. "Thank you… but I'm okay, I am."

"Good," he said quietly. He held her hand for another few seconds before finally letting it go. "I just…well, I should have said it sooner."

She remembered when her parents had died – she remembered the day vividly – how could she not? It was a few months after she and James had officially stopped speaking. She had wanted him them – wanted the old James – the one that used to play with her and helped her sneak into the kitchens late at night for cream cakes and spend the entire night high on sugar and laughing about nothing. But he didn't come, and she was too embarrassed to ask for his help. The new James was too busy trying to impress her and paying her compliments about her body. It made her feel uncomfortable having someone that she had always considered a brother look at her in the way he did then. When he touched her it wasn't friendly anymore – it was an attempt at being intimate – and it wasn't right. Now he was neither of those James's. She didn't really know who he was. 

"I missed you," she admitted, feeling silly for saying something like that but feeling he should hear it. The thing with her parents had obviously bothered him for a long time and he was trying to bridge the gap, it was only right that she should make an attempt to do the same. She had held a grudge against him for so long, and all that he had done wrong, really, was admire her. Perhaps he had gone the wrong way about showing his affections, but he couldn't be blamed for having a crush on her. Now he didn't fancy her at all, probably hadn't for ages, and she'd held it against him for so long. It was time to get over it.

"Me too," he agreed.

"Want to play chess with me if we ever get out of here?"

He sniggered. "Are you sure about that? You still suck."

"I do not!" she shrieked, shoving him playfully.

"I've seen you trying to play Emmeline," he replied with a snort. "You're terrible!" She shoved her back and she toppled off her bucket landing hard on her already bruised hip.

"Ow-ow-ow…"

"Don't be such a baby."

"No, it really hurts," she whimpered, tentatively touching her leg. "I landed on it funny when Snape hexed me."

"Oh," he said, sounding guilty. "Sorry, are you okay?" He felt for her hands and found the spot she was nursing. 

"Ow! Don't press it, it's bruised!"

"Sorry."

"So you should be."

He sniggered again and let his hand drift further down her leg, resting on her knee once more. They fell into silence while Lily thought about the pain in her hip, feeling sorry for herself, and she barely sensed him edging closer until his breath tickled her neck. A silent gasp escaped her as his nose softly brushed her cheek and his lips lay gentle kisses along her jaw. He didn't kiss her like this usually; it was far too tender. Her eyes fluttered closed involuntarily.

"I thought you said you wouldn't kiss me in a broom closet." She found her voice to be no more than a breathy whisper.

He pulled back momentarily, taking her face in his hands to turn her in his direction. "I won't have time later." And he kissed her again, but this time it wasn't soft and it wasn't affectionate. It was rough and demanding and everything they had been practicing during their sessions with Sirius. Excitement cursed through her as she felt herself being pulled to the ground, half atop him, where their kiss continued. He tried to run his hands through her hair and grunted when he found it tied back. Lily released it from its ribbon and he wound his fingers through it instantly. It felt lovely. But this was nothing new. 

Noises. Sirius insisted upon noises.

The girl in the alcove had moaned and gasped loudly, and although Lily made little appreciative noises with John, it was difficult to put on some sort of show for someone she didn't know well enough to be kissing in the first place. She would just try a little moan, she decided, and see how he reacted to that. Her worst fear would be for him to laugh at her. _She_ had laughed at the couple in the alcove. Feeling ridiculous, it took another twenty seconds before she dared release anything, by which time James had already moved on from her hair and was running his hands up and down her back.

His reaction was only slight – he hesitated briefly as though wondering if she had made a noise at all before continuing his administrations. She tried again. 

"Mmmph…"

This time he definitely heard it and stopped kissing her altogether. He was panting heavily into her mouth, their lips only brushing slightly as though he were debating his next move. Slowly, very slowly, his hand snaked around to her front, brushing the side of her breast. Would he do it?

"Go on," she heard herself whisper encouragement, before she even knew what she was doing. He leant up and captured her lips again, distracting them both as he cupped and caressed her breast over her robes.

"Oh…O-oh…" The gasps came naturally this time. It felt _good_. _Why had she never let a boy touch her like that before?_ She couldn't even begin to imagine what it felt like without the robes. She found herself trying to climb further on top of him with her knees either side of his hips and her hair forming curtains around their faces, and she had no idea why, but she wanted him to touch her everywhere. She lowered herself onto him slowly, not wanting to crush him.

And then she heard it.

He _groaned_ – a long, deep, slow groan that made her tingle and his body arch beneath her. She had no idea what she was doing but the sounds he made were delicious, perfect for their act.

"Holy shit!"

Lily squealed with surprise and then cried out in pain as James tried to sit up quickly, smacking his forehead against her chin. Light flooded the closet as the door was wrenched open revealing a very surprised looking Sirius, Remus and Peter all staring at them with their mouths hanging open.

"Oh, God," Lily blushed, quickly getting to her feet and ignoring the pain in her chin and hip. They had been caught groping each other on the floor of a dirty broom closet. This was low.

"Sorry," Remus finally spoke. "We heard Wilkes laughing about trapping you somewhere – didn't realise you actually _wanted_ to be alone."

"We were just _practicing_," Lily tried to argue her case, but now the three boys looked as though they were trying not to laugh. She glanced at James; he had a very satisfied look upon his face as he finally got to his feet.

"Oh for goodness sake," Lily huffed, shoving Sirius out the way and hurrying into the corridor. Catcalls and whistles followed her all the way down the hall as she took off at a brisk pace.

_Lily hated having such pale skin. As if it wasn't bad enough blushing in front of a cute guy to begin with, with her skin tones it was always _really_ obvious. And she was definitely blushing now._

If he'd noticed he was certainly being very polite and not mentioning it at all or looking at her funny. He just kept smiling and talking to her about her day. Emmeline and Dorcas were going to be so jealous when she told them; Edmund Rafferty was one of the best looking boys in school and_ a year older, and of all the people he'd chosen to come and sit next to during lunch, he'd chosen _her_. _

Actually, the girls were supposed to meet her five minutes ago; they'd probably spotted her with Edmund and taken to eaves dropping somewhere close by. Lily didn't much care – she was over the moon.

If only she could stop blushing.

"So what are your plans for the weekend?"

"Oh, I don't really know," Lily replied, conscious of a strand of hair that refused to stay in her ponytail and trying to push it back. "I'll do some homework, I suppose. We have a lot with exams coming up." She wished she could sound more interesting and less like a swot.

"Do you think you'll have time to hang out?" he asked, smiling that wonderful smile.

"Um," she said, distracted by the ginger stands that kept getting in her eyes. "Maybe."

He laughed and reached out to brush the hair back from her face, tucking behind her ear for her. She felt herself blush more. "I'll take you to Hogsmeade and buy you one of those head bands all the girls wear."

She bit her lip, turning back to her pudding and playing with it with her spoon. Was he asking her out?

"Come with me?"

He was really asking her out!

"_That would be-"_

"Great," he sighed, just as the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. He took a final spoonful of pudding before getting to his feet and swallowing quickly. "I have to run up to Divination," he said, excusing himself. "We'll finish this later. Where will you be last period? I'll meet you."

"Charms," she told him, finding it difficult to hold back the grin that was just dying to burst its way out of her. Edmund Rafferty had just asked her out.

"All right," he nodded. "See you then." He grabbed his goblet of pumpkin juice, meaning to down the last of it before hurrying off, but before it reached his mouth his hand slipped, sloshing the entire contents down the front of Lily's robes.

She shrieked as the cold liquid seeped through her robes and onto her skin, shooting up from the table in fright.

"Oh, crap," he cursed, frantically searching around for a napkin of some sort. "I'm sorry," he said, finally giving up and making hopeless attempts to wipe the material with his hands. "I-I don't know what happened. Here, let me help."

Lily shrieked again, slapping him away as he unwittingly brushed his hand over her breast. "I can do it!" 

"Sorry," he said again, cringing. "Sorry!"

A number of people were watching their scene with interest, mostly sniggering quietly. One boy however made his amusement known to the entire hall as he laughed loudly. "Smooth, Rafferty, real smooth!"

Edmund blushed. "Sorry Lily, I have to run, I have a test. I really am sorry."

"It's okay," Lily told him weakly, inspecting her ruined robes. "I'll see you."

He gave her one last cringe worthy look before hurrying out of the hall, tripping on a bag someone had left lying around. The noisy spectator laughed louder. Lily turned to him in anger, just in time to see him slip his wand back into the pockets of his robes.

"That wasn't funny Potter," she said heatedly. "I'm soaked!"

He approached her casually, running a hand through his hair and extending a tissue to her with the other "It's clean."

"Sod off," she said, ignoring his offering and retrieving her wand. She cast a cleaning charm on the robes but her skin was left sticky and smelling like pumpkin. People had began to move on and she too joined them, storming from the Great Hall. James Potter jogged to keep up with her.

"Do you fancy him?"

"It's none of your business," she snapped without looking at him.

"You do, don't you. You were blushing as red as a tomato."

"No I wasn't."

"Yes you were."

"No I wasn't. I don't blush."

"You do - you blush worse than anyone I know."

"Liar."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

She ignored him now, refusing to give in to his silly games.

"He just wants to shag you, you know."

She huffed. She could never keep her temper in check for long. "And I suppose he told you that, did he? Seeing as you're such_ good friends."_

"No," he replied. "But I do know that he has a really small willy – I saw it in the changing rooms – just thought you might like to know what you're in for."

Lily stopped dead, rounding on him in a thankfully quite deserted hallway. "What is wrong with you?" she hissed at him. "Where do you get off saying things like that about people? And anyway, what I do is none of your business. Stay away from me." She turned again, marching in the previous direction, but he followed her closely.

"I have a really big one, Eddy said it's the most magnificent thing he's ever seen."

She could not help the smirk that came to her face with his stupidity but fought it back so that no laughter could be heard in her voice as she scolded him again. "I don't want to hear about your willy_ or anyone else's thank you very much. Keep talking and I'll report you to McGonagall for sexually assaulting me."_

"It's not my fault," he replied, clearly nonpulsed by the threat. "You're the one that was talking about Eddy's tiny doodle."

Lily's mouth dropped open and she turned to him at last as she marched on. "I was not!"

"Yes you were."

"No I wasn't!"

"Yes, you were," he said matter of factly. "You really shouldn't say things like that about people, Evans. It's not nice. I might have to tell Eddy what you've been saying about him. He deserves to know."

Again, Lily's mouth dropped open in horror. "You wouldn't dare!"

He smirked. "I might."

She came to a halt, glaring at him with a mixture of panic and anger. "Potter, you say anything of the sort and so help me God I'll-"

"Go out with me."

"What?"

"Go out with me and I wont tell Eddy what you've been saying about him."

She scoffed. "I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that."

"Doesn't make me like you less," he said, following her as she took off down the hall once again. "Go on, go out with me."

She shook her head. "You're unbelievable."

"Thank you. Is that a yes?"

"No!"

"Then I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell everyone about the nasty rumours you've been spreading."

She stopped one last time in order to give him a dirty look. "You're a real bastard Potter. I hate you, you know that? Hate you." And with that she stormed off down the hall.


	9. Chapter 9

9.

They sat together in a secluded part of the courtyard, on a stone bench behind some tall trees. It was not quite past curfew but it was far too cold for anyone else to be out of doors at this time of day. The sun had set an hour ago, and only the moon gave away their presence as its light reflected their pale faces. They were talking closely, their hands entwined between them and stealing kisses every so often. The wind began to pick up and she laughed in a nervous, embarrassed fashion as her long hair swept about her face and her robes began to blow up. He did not seem to mind however, simply holding them down with his free hand and continuing to kiss her despite her hair whipping at his face. They broke apart only to lean against each other, smiling fondly into each other's eyes.

Lily watched the scene play out from a window on the second floor.

"Do you suppose I must have been a very bad girlfriend, then?"

James paused beside her only briefly to see what had caught her attention before continuing his leisurely pace down the corridor. "I don't know."

With a final glance at the couple Lily pushed off from the window ledge, following him with her arms crossed across her chest. James paused at a well known snogging spot to flip back the tapestry only to discover an empty hallway. Lily was able to catch up with him and fell into step as they continued along the main corridor. "I hate that they look happy. Why couldn't he have been happy with me?"

"I don't know," he said again.

Lily huffed at his lack of opinion. "I don't understand why people cheat. Wouldn't it be easier to just break up with the old person _before_ moving on? Then they wouldn't have to sneak about in the wind and the dark like that."

"Maybe they think it's romantic out there." He did not see the glare she sent him as he retrieved his wand and shone it's light down the next corridor. "Quiet tonight."

She huffed again. Couldn't he just, for once, agree with her?

Finally he turned back to her, catching sight of her cross expression by the light of his wand. "What?"

"Nothing," she sighed, stepping past him and starting off down the next stretch of corridor.

She could hear his footsteps pick up behind her as he jogged to catch up with her brisk pace. "Are you not well or something?"

"Or something," she muttered.

They walked in silence a bit further until James stopped abruptly, taking her hand so that she was also forced to a halt. "Let me show you something," he said, indicating over his shoulder.

"James," she sighed. "I really just want to finish rounds, okay? I'm tired and-"

"It'll make you feel better."

She seriously doubted it but he was smiling nicely as though he really thought he had some sort of treat in store. "What is it?"

"A surprise."

"The last time you told me that my hair turned green."

He sniggered at the memory before extending his hand. "Come on, you'll like it."

She was skeptical but took his proffered hand anyway, allowing him to guide her up staircase after staircase in what was mostly silence. She realized where he was taking her the moment she stepped foot on the seventh floor.

"Ah," she smirked as they came to a halt beside a familiar tapestry. "The _mysterious_ wall." She released his hand to run her fingers across the bricks. "Are you sure there's a room big enough for a party behind there?"

"And a broom closet, convenient for disposing of a couple of Head prefects."

She glanced at him over her shoulder, her brow furrowed. "It's in the room?"

"The closet _is_ the room."

Now she was really confused. He leaned against the tapestry smiling back at her, obvious of her bewilderment. "But how-?"

"We were quite happy with Gryffindor Tower to begin with," he cut her off politely, pushing off the wall as he began to slowly pace the area in front of her. "But then we decided we wanted alcohol and we couldn't expose the younger kids to that sort of thing – the Head Girl certainly wouldn't approve," he added with a smirk. "So a new venue had to be sought out." Lily tuned her back to the wall, leaning against it and watching him pace as he continued with his tale. "We'd been searching for days for something suitable – an empty classroom maybe – but nothing was good enough. And then one day Moony said he'd found this big empty room up on the seventh floor. None of us believed him of course so we made him point it out, and sure enough, all we found was a wall."

"You must have been very disappointed."

"Oh we were. Remus especially because he was so _sure_ there had been a room here. We teased him of course, and he started getting angry and storming about complaining that it had just up and moved like the staircases do – all the while going on and on about what this _vanishing room_ looked like. And then all of a sudden-"

He stopped just like that, coming to a halt and turning to face her expectantly. Lily was on edge, dying to know what had happened next, when she realized quite suddenly herself, that the wall she was leaning against didn't feel very wall-like anymore. In fact, it felt rather like a door. She turned slowly, amazed at what she saw. "Oh my God! How did you do that?"

"I don't know," he replied honestly with a low chuckle at her surprise. He stepped forward and took hold of the door handle, pushing it open and revealing a darkened, windowless room. "It will be decorated of course."

Lily gaped in amazement. "It's huge!" Her voice echoed into the room. She turned back to James with a puzzled expression. "I still don't understand; you said this was the closet, but how-?"

He shrugged. "I don't know how it works," he admitted with a smile, closing the door. "I just know that if you hang around here long enough and think really hard about what you want, you'll get it."

Lily shook her head in astonishment. "Now _that_ is truly brilliant magic."

He smirked. "It's Hogwarts; what did you expect?"

Lily bit her lip, looking at the door once again. "We could use this for…you know."

"We could," he nodded. "But that's not why I showed it to you."

"I know," she smiled, stepping away from him and to the area where he had paced previously. "Can I try it?"

"Be my guest." He folded his arms, watching her with an intrigued look as she followed his footsteps, walking back and forth slowly.

"We need somewhere private," she said aloud, letting her eyes drift closed. "Somewhere very private and very comfortable. Preferably somewhere that doesn't smell like brasso and has cold concrete floors," she added with a smirk which he returned. "Somewhere with light-"

"And carpeted," James added.

"And carpeted," Lily acknowledged. "With real furniture."

"Preferably a bed."

"James!" She opened her eyes to see him smirking back at her. She rolled her eyes. "A bed would be _comfortable_, I'll give you that… Do you think it's ready?"

"Only one way to find out."

With a nod Lily stepped forward and took hold of the door handle. She pushed it open, faced with the surprise of her life. She was speechless. This place had flickered in her mind only for an instant but she never would have thought it possible…

"This, is what you had in mind?" James said, stepping in and looking around. "Why is everything yellow? That's not sexy at all."

Lily ignored him, closing the door behind her as she entered the bedroom. The walls were white, dotted with tiny yellow flowers and a single pine bed stood in the center of the room. The duvet was yellow as were the curtains and the light shade. She had no idea how it was that the light was working, there was no electricity in the castle, but, she figured, this was all an illusion anyway. A very detailed illusion. A tall bookcase filled with children's novels stood in the corner beside a matching pine wardrobe and a set of draws. It was clean, but cluttered with various dolls and teddies, trinkets and boxes filled with what Lily knew to be nail varnishes and hair accessories. A radio sat on top of the draws; James was fiddling with it.

"It doesn't work properly," she told him. "It only gets one station." He glanced up at her questioningly. "This is my room," she said, looking around once more. "Was, anyway."

She sensed him step toward her. "At your parents' house?"

She nodded but did not look at him. For some reason she felt close to tears. She hadn't seen this room since her parents died and she had been sent to live with her Nana, and then Petunia when Nana had passed away too. She remembered going to Marks and Spencers with her Mother when she was eight to pick wallpaper. Petunia had said yellow was repulsive. Naturally Lily had made sure everything was yellow. Her room was pink now; Petunia _loved_ pink.

"I like it," James announced, flopping down onto the bed and kicking off his shoes. 

Lily sniffed and gave a watery laugh. "You said it wasn't very sexy."

"Well I suppose it depends on how you look at it," he said gesturing for her to come closer. She did so, settling herself on the edge of the bed, near his stomach. "We can pretend your folks are downstairs watching VT and I'm the rebellious but undoubtedly _handsome_ boy you just let in through the window so we can make-out on your tiny bed. _That's_ sexy."

She snorted. "It's TV, James."

"Hush," he told her pulling her down so that she was lying beside him. "You have to be quiet or else we'll be caught."

She could not help but giggle at his ridiculous antics and she kicked her shoes off so that she could properly snuggle up beside him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, holding her close. She wasn't quite sure when it had become acceptable for them to act this way around each other, to cuddle and not feel weird about it, but it was a nice moment. She told him so.

"Don't thank me," he said. "This is all from your head, not mine."

"Still," she smiled, giving him an extra squeeze. "I never thought I'd see this place again."

He lifted his head slightly, looking down upon her with an anxious expression. "You're not going to cry, are you?" He sounded terrified by the thought.

She pushed him playfully so that he was no longer holding onto her and he sniggered as they each stretched out on their own side of the tiny bed. Just as Lily was thinking they needed a slightly bigger one, sure enough they were spaced out on a rather comfortable king size.

"Very nice," James approved.

"This place is amazing," Lily mused, still not over the wonder of it.

"That it is," he sighed. "And you're right – no one would ever catch us in here. But if you don't mind, can I choose the décor next time? Honestly Lily, _yellow_? What _were_ you thinking?"

She laughed, and then snorted, and they both laughed harder because of it. "You still have that dorky laugh," he commented offhandedly when their giggles subsided.

"Oh shut up," she pouted.

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing; it's funny. You sound like a pig." He gave a few snorts for effect, laughing at himself.

"John thought it was gross," she added offhandedly. "It is, I suppose. You're just immature." He didn't object. "I'm sure _Judy_ had a lovely laugh – very lady like."

"If there's anything that girl's not – it's a lady," James replied seriously. "Bit of a tart, actually."

"But a pretty tart," Lily countered him. "She has a nice face, don't you think? And she's so _skinny_."

"Bony more like," James scoffed. "Would be like shagging a skeleton, I'd imagine. Poor Johnny must be all bruised up after a session with her."

Lily could not help but laugh at the somewhat disturbing image he was conjuring up.

"I'm not kidding," he added, looking at her as though he thought she didn't believe him. "I prefer women that actually look like women; best sex I ever had was with a girl twice the size of you, maybe bigger."

She was surprised, and not quite sure whether or not she should believe him. The girlfriends he had had at Hogwarts were always fairly thin girls, with long legs and pretty faces. "Poppy Carlyle didn't do it for you then?"

He looked honestly confused. "Poppy Carlyle?"

"Don't tell me you don't remember Poppy Carlyle," Lily taunted. Poppy, of course, had been a year above them and every boy's fantasy. In Lily's opinion, she could have been the next Miss Universe had she been born a Muggle. James had dated her briefly last year.

"I remember her all right," he replied coolly. "But I didn't shag her."

Lily turned to her side, propping herself up on one elbow. "You didn't?"

"No. I don't sleep with _every_ girl I go out with. I was only seeing Poppy for a fortnight at the most."

Lily was thoroughly surprised now. There were certain expectations about popular people like James Potter – especially James Potter. He was the kind of boy that received knickers in his Valentines Day cards and was the subject of many a love poem scrawled on the wall of the girls bathroom. Girls would do anything for him – he could have anyone he wanted. It was odd to think he _wasn't_ taking advantage of that.

"Who _did_ you sleep with? Who was your first?"

He was a little surprised at her audacity by the expression he gave her, but soon enough he had turned on his side, matching her stance and openly discussing his love life. "Wendy Thompson," he announced proudly. "In the Christmas holidays when I was seventeen. She was a Muggle – really nice girl."

"Do you still see her?"

"Nah, she moved to Wales with her family last October."

Lily hummed thoughtfully. "And then who?"

"Fern Mayweather."

"Not the Hufflepuff Chaser? James!" she cried, feigning alarm. "That's _treason_!"

He laughed aloud, rolling to his back and folding his arms behind his head. "It was a one time thing; she stopped speaking to me when I beat her in the final."

"It would have been Gentleman-like to let her have the Quaffle I suppose."

He snorted as though her suggestion was completely absurd. She rolled her eyes discreetly.

"So then?" 

"That's it," he shrugged.

Lily wasn't sure if he was joking or not. "What about all those other girls you dated?"

"Nope."

"What about the fat girl?"

He chuckled. "Wendy _was_ the fat girl." He turned his face toward her, giving her a searching look. "You're shocked."

"Yeah," she said, flopping down onto her back. "I mean, girls talk about you all the time – about your _skills_ – it can't be all lies."

"My skills?" he repeated with a chuckle. "I have skills?"

"Apparently."

"Cool."

They lay in silence for a little while, while Lily processed this new information until James gave her a little jab in the side, regaining her attention. "Your turn then."

"Huh?"

"Who was your first? Come on, be fair."

"Oh." Lily continued to stare at the ceiling. It was always awkward admitting one was a virgin, although she knew perfectly well there was nothing to ashamed of at her age – or at any age. But James seemed to think she wasn't, and for some reason that made it a little uncomfortable. 

"Eddy."

She turned back to him in surprise. "Pardon?"

"Edmund Rafferty, right?"

She shook her head, feeling her cheeks colour of their own accord. "No."

"Really?" He looked genuinely surprised. "What about Christopher Myers? You were with him for ages."

Again she shook her head. "Nope."

"You're kidding me," James said, looking at her suspiciously. "Just old Johnny boy then, eh?"

Lily averted her eyes.

James scoffed loudly and she turned to see him shaking his head in amusement. "You know, at first I felt guilty for hexing them when you said you hadn't done anything, but now I'm glad I did. Those lying bastards."

Lily blinked. "You…They… What?"

"Oh it wasn't a big deal really," he said, sensing her panic. "Just locker room talk, you know. I suppose Rafferty said he'd managed to get into your knickers so Myers thought he had to top him, or something stupid-"

"And you hexed them for it?" Lily cut him off. "Seriously?"

He looked rather sheepish to be admitting it. "Well…yeah. It was a long time ago – I guess I was just…. jealous… or something."

Lily scoffed, folding her arms tightly across her chest. It _had_ been a long time ago when she'd dated those boys, but it still stung. "What is it with boys and sex? Isn't it ever enough to just be with somebody you care about? It used to be enough – why is everything about sex now?" She was angry with the boys James had brought up, but the image of John swam in front of her eyes. "They say they don't mind waiting but they push and push."

James frowned at her. "No one can _make_ you do anything you don't want to, Lily." He sounded concerned. "Did they ever…I mean, they didn't they _make _you do something-"

"No," Lily cut him off. "Nothing like that. It just… it makes me mad, you know?" She sighed heavily.

"Every guy our age wants sex, Lily," he said, sounding almost apologetic about the fact. "In fact, all guys want se – it's perfectly normal. Some are just more polite about it than others I guess. And maybe girls aren't that different."

She snorted.

"It's true," he protested. "Those guys made up stories about you to sound cool – sounds like the girls I dated did the same thing, right?"

"Well you weren't exactly negating those rumours, were you?" she smirked. "_The best sex I ever had_," she added with a chuckle. "You mean the _only_ sex you ever had."

"Hey, don't forget about Fern Mayweather! She was my second best at _least_!"

They each snorted with laughter, giggling into the night…

Lily awoke with a start. She sensed something was wrong about her situation immediately. For one, she wasn't in her dorm, and two, she certainly shouldn't be _here_. Was this some sort of freaky lucid dream? Why was she in her old…

Oh.

That's right.

Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and taking a moment to get over the shock of her surroundings, she sat up groggily. The light that had been on last night had been turned off at some point in the night and the early morning sun was just starting to peek over the horizon, bathing everything around her room in a pale blue light. 

She glanced to the far side of the bed where James was still sleeping. He was snoring softly with his face half hidden in the pillows. They were both still dressed in yesterdays school robes, which Lily instantly regretted because they were now wrinkled terribly and her other set were still being laundered. Hopefully one of the girls knew a good charm for de-creasing. But it was far too early to wake any of them, or try to get back to the dorms for that matter. If a teacher caught her wandering about at this hour they'd wonder what was wrong for sure, and maybe think she'd snuck out, which she hadn't. She'd been in bed by eight-thirty – and it _was_ her bed. Just not the one in Gryffindor Tower, where she was supposed to be. _Oh_, she thought suddenly. _I hope the girls weren't wondering what had happened to me_...

James yawned sleepily, catching her attention, but did not wake properly. He rolled to his back, throwing one arm over his head dramatically. He was not wearing his glasses and she did not recall his taking them off. Hah, he was probably lying on them – they'd be bent out of shape and leaving a spectacle shaped imprint in his back. The idea amused her – it used to happen all the time when they'd camp in the common room with Sirius, unless of course McGonagall caught them and sent them back to their dorms.

He was nothing like the boy she had known then, she thought, looking over his form as he slept. She had been taller than him back then, and now his feet nearly hung off the end of the bed. He was broader too, and not the skinny, gangly boy she remembered. He was not as big as John of course, but he was leaner and perhaps more defined. She'd noticed the muscles in his arms during their meetings when he'd roll up his sleeves before taking notes.

His face had not changed significantly. Perhaps his jaw was a tad wider; he'd filled out everywhere she supposed – his hands were bigger and his arms were hairier. She noticed a light stubble about his face now – he'd always joked about growing a beard the minute he got himself a bit of facial hair – like it would show how _manly_ it was. Lily had told him not to because none of the girls he showed off for at practice would want to kiss him if he grew a scratchy beard. Then they would screw up their faces and make retching sounds because girls and boys were disgusting back then, even if they were friends. Kissing and sex and holding hands were all considered first class rubbish and they would poke fun at the older students they might happen upon snogging in a hallway.

Looking at him now though, years later when _they_ were the older students, she didn't not suppose it was that bad. Just a bit of stubble though – not a real beard. She liked it when she could feel it rubbing against the skin of her neck as he had kissed her in his dorm, followed by the soothing feel of the cold frames of his glasses. It gave her tingles because it was so different to the feel of his lips and tongue, which were so soft and warm. John had always been clean-shaven and that was nice too, but it didn't quite have the same tingle-producing effect. She felt herself longing for that feeling again.

Somehow she had managed to maneuver herself right beside him, looking over his features intently. Maybe he could sense her closeness or perhaps he just knew she was watching him as he began to stir again, blinking at her in the dim light. She kissed his cheek lightly, brushing a hand through his hair, hoping he'd sense her intentions too. He smiled. "Mornin'," he spoke groggily.

"Poo!" Lily sniggered, pulling back. "You stink!"

"So do you," he replied nonchalantly, shifting closer to her as she tried to pull further away.

"Really?" Lily grimaced, placing a hand over her mouth swiftly. "How embarrassing," she muttered, as he came closer still. He was now quite clearly on her side of the bed. "No _don't_! I don't want you to smell me!"

"Ah, there's nothing wrong with a bit of morning breath if the chick you wake up to is good looking enough," he replied matter of factly, ignoring her reluctance as he made a move for her exposed neck.

"That has to be a line from Sirius," Lily uttered, forgetting all thought of embarrassment as he rubbed his stubble along her skin just the right way. Her hand dropped away from her face and her eyes fluttered closed of their own accord as he moved over her, slowly kissing along the column of her neck.

"Remus, actually," he said between kisses.

"No kidding. I would never have…um…never…"

"Yes?"

But she had completely forgotten what they were talking about as his tongue grazed her ear lobe and did not reply; unless she was to count the breathy gasp she emitted soon after.

Of course, this was all part of their routine, but it felt different lying down with him on top of her, and he was being extra attentive as they were trying to avoid each other's lips. There was no hesitance in his touch this time as his hands slid from her waist up to her chest where they lingered before running back down to her bottom. She loved the way he touched her, applying pressure in all the right places. She loved everything about what he was doing to her. Sirius had choreographed them this way, but it was still _amazing_.

"_Ahh!_"

She jumped – as much as she could jump with his weight on her – as he bit down, startling her from her thoughts.

"Don't do that," he said, licking the spot, soothing away any traces of pain.

"What?" she replied sharply. He was telling _her_ off? He'd just bitten her!

He lifted his head to look her in the eye. "Don't act like anything's a surprise," he said, sounding very much like Sirius giving his directions. "Everything's supposed to be familiar, like we've done in a hundred times already."

She stared back at him, wondering if he knew just how much he'd gone and ruined everything. Any traces of tingles quickly dissipated form her body. Was she an idiot for enjoying this? Because he obviously wasn't. His mind was very clearly on the forty galleons he had stashed in his dorm while Lily had almost forgotten about the deal completely, letting him kiss her just for the simple reason that it felt _good_.

"Well don't try something new without telling me first," she replied irritably. "And don't you dare leave marks on me; I'm not having to explain that to John."

"Fine," he replied coolly. He returned to kissing her neck, his hands groping around her thighs and bottom, but suddenly Lily got no pleasure from it. She lay still, staring at the ceiling while he went about fixing his technique. It only took him about a minute to realise something was wrong. "What happened to all those lovely noises?" he asked between kisses.

"Fresh out," she muttered dully.

"Already?"

"Well this is all very _routine_, isn't it," she replied, scathingly. "It's not like we do this for kicks."

"Maybe we need to turn it up a notch for you," he replied impishly, his hands skating further down her legs. She wondered what he was doing, because that didn't feel particularly _pleasurable_ at all, but then she realised he was no longer skimming her robes, and his hands were moving back up, against her bare skin.

"James," she panicked, trying to shrug him off. "I haven't – I haven't shaved in a while, don't, um-"

He merely sniggered, continuing up her body, past her hips, along her sides, dragging the hem of her robes up with them. Again she panicked at the idea of him seeing her underwear, but he did not look, continuing to kiss and lick and suck on her neck as he had done the entire time. The robes remained bunched around her middle as he repeated his usual hand pattern – hips, waist, breasts, waist, bottom – but this time it was against her bare skin and her bra and her knickers. The sensations were _completely_ different.

"I hope you don't intend to do that at the party," she panted, finding it difficult to remain aloof as those tingles returned.

"Of course not," he chuckled against her skin and she gave in, releasing a long needed moan as his hands did that wonderful thing with her breasts. This time she could feel his skin against hers – his hands, coarse but hot, creating goosebumps everywhere. "It's important we stick to routine or things could go messy."

Damn him. How could he be so detached when she was so close to losing her mind? The image of the couple in the alcove sprung to mind. That girl, _she_ had known what to do to make a boy turn to jelly. Well Lily could do it too, couldn't she? She would _make_ him enjoy himself.

Her hands had been planted firmly on his shoulders from the moment she had tried to push him away, and slowly, not wanting to startle him, she let them roam down his back, dragging her nails. He shivered slightly and kissed her more fervently, moving to her collarbone. She smirked to herself – this wasn't so hard. As her hands reached his buttocks, she took her left and guided it carefully around his hip. Her heart was beating faster as she moved toward her goal, hardly believing what she was about to do. It was exciting and scary because she'd never done anything like this before and wasn't really sure what she was supposed to do, but she just wanted to hear him groan, just once.

"Fuck!"

Lily almost squealed in shock as swore loudly, leaping away from her and falling backward off the bed, landing on his arse on the floor. She sat up quickly but he backed away from her, stumbling as he tried to hurry to his feet. His hands flew to his crotch where she knew – had felt - his robes were tented and his face burnt a deep red. He was breathing harshly, looking at her with what Lily could only describe as _disgust_. 

"What the devil are you playing at?" he barked.

Lily was speechless. This was very far from the reaction she'd had in mind. She was suddenly very aware of the robes around her hips and hurried to pull them down. "I – I don't know."

"Like hell you don't know," he spat. He looked positively livid. Lily watched in alarm as he marched to the bed, pulling back the duvet with one hand and fishing his glasses from under the blankets. They were bent out of shape as she had imagined but it was anything but funny this time as he snatched them up, shoving them roughly into his pocket, grabbed his shoes from the floor and stomped toward the door. 

"James, wait," Lily managed to spit out. She didn't understand why he was so angry. "What's wrong?"

He turned back to her for a moment, still glaring at her with contempt. "You wonder why those boys said things about you," he sneered. And with that he stormed from the room.


	10. Chapter 10

10.

The dorm fell silent as Lily opened the door and closed it again quickly behind her. Four pairs of eyes stared at her in surprise.

"Where have you been?" Dorcas asked immediately from her bed where she was brushing her hair. "I nearly went looking to McGonagall about you."

"I was with…" Lily trailed off, not wanting to say James' name aloud in front of Cecily and Ethel.

"John?" Emmeline suggested from over the top of the Charms text she was reading.

"Yes," Lily nodded. She glanced at Cecily who was plaiting Ethel's hair in front of the vanity mirror. The two girls caught her eye in the reflection and turned away soon after, obviously aware something was not right and that they had no part in whatever it was. Lily was glad for it, hurrying to her own bed where she stripped off her robes and wrapped herself up in her dressing gown, hoping for a nice hot shower before breakfast.

Dorcas and Emmeline gradually finished their own business and moved to Lily's bed as she gathered up her toiletries. "Well?" Dorcas said quietly.

"It was a disaster," Lily muttered, glancing over her shoulder at Cecily and Ethel. Neither of them appeared to be listening as they chatted quietly with each other. "I wouldn't be surprised if he never spoke to me again; he hates me."

Dorcas and Emmeline shared an anxious look. "It can't be that bad," Emmeline offered gently and Lily searched for her towel. "What happened?"

Lily paused in her search to glance up at them but couldn't bring herself to say the words. 

"Come on, Lil," Dorcas added. "We're not going to judge you."

Lily sighed, knowing she was going to have to spit it out eventually. "I had a bit of a feel of his you-know-what," she murmured, averting her eyes from their curious faces. But they stared back at her blankly. "Oh for goodness sake," Lily hissed, making sure Cecily and Ethel were otherwise occupied. "You know, his _penis_." Again there was no response, but Emmeline was staring back at her in pure horror and Dorcas looked like she was trying not to laugh. Lily glared at them and resumed her towel search.

"Oh don't be like that," Dorcas said between chuckles. "It just came as a bit of a shock, that's all."

"I don't understand," Emmeline added in her clearly _appalled_ tones. "Did he _ask_ you to do that for him? Because that's really rude; he has no right to-"

"No," Lily cut her off with a sigh. "He didn't. That's why he got shtty with me."

"Oh," Dorcas and Emmeline said together, with matching expressions of sudden understanding. "You just thought you'd cop a feel then, eh?" Dorcas added with a smirk. "Honestly, Lily. What were you thinking?"

"You don't have to make me feel stupid," Lily snapped at her, catching Cecily and Ethel's attention. "I already feel like a fool as it is."

"What's the matter?" Ethel piped up.

"Nothing," Lily did her best to dismiss her. The two girls shared matching looks in the mirror before continuing their conversation. Now Lily felt bad about that. Cecily and Ethel didn't seem to have any other friends beside each other and Lily usually did her best to include them. Now they thought she was a bitch.

"Tell us what happened, Lily," Emmeline spoke again softly. "You must have had a good reason for doing it, right?"

Lily pursed her lips, plopping down onto the bed with her friends. "I don't know," she said dismally. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"So you two were snogging or something?" Dorcas prompted her for more information. "You didn't just walk over to him and grab him by the nuts or anything crazy like that did you?"

Lily could not help but laugh at that statement and the girls looked relieved as she relaxed ever so slightly. "Nothing like _that_," Lily assured them. "We were practicing and I… I just got carried away, I guess."

"Oh Lily," Dorcas sighed, shaking her head. 

Emmeline looked thoughtful, biting her lip.

"What?" Lily and Dorcas asked.

"Have you ever, you know, touched John's…"

"Pecker?" Dorcas suggested with a giggle. Emmeline rolled her eyes.

"No," Lily replied honestly.

"Then why did you feel the need to touch James'? You don't exactly go _down there_ with people you've been dating for a long time, and I _hope _it's not part of your routine with James, so why'd you feel the need to do it? I'm not picking on you, I'm just curious."

Lily shrugged. She felt silly admitting the truth. "I know we were practicing for the party and all, but sometimes it just feels really good, you know - he's a good kisser. I do what Sirius taught us but he never seems to be really…I don't know."

"Go on," Emmeline smiled.

Lily sighed. "What I mean is, he makes me feel really good and I never feel like I'm doing anything for him in return and so I thought I'd just…try harder."

"So you went for the pecker grab," Dorcas added knowingly.

Emmeline glared at her. "Stop saying pecker."

Lily tried not to giggle. This was supposed to be a serious conversation.

"It was a little extreme, I suppose," Dorcas said thoughtfully. "But that aside, really, there's something wrong with the guy if he wasn't getting off even just a little bit by snogging you. Sirius describes it as the sexiest thing he's ever seen."

"Really?" Lily chuckled. "He was always such a grump during practice."

Dorcas shrugged. "He seemed pretty excited about it all to me."

"Well," Lily added, feeling herself blush slightly at what she was going to admit. "I suppose James isn't _completely_ immune to a good snog; he had a stiffy."

Both girls shrieked in surprise. Ethel and Cecily glanced over at them again as they powdered their faces.

"So why did he object to a free hand job?" Dorcas hissed. "He was obviously having a grand old time!"

"Well," Emmeline said, looking thoughtful again. "I suppose it's just like Sirius, isn't it? He was trying to be professional – he can't help it if he enjoys it at the same time – but the job comes first."

"You know, I think she's right," Dorcas added.

"So, he _is_ enjoying our practices?" Lily said with uncertainty.

"Lily," Dorcas smirked. "He had an erection; I think that says enough."

Cecily spluttered and the three girls glanced over to see her and Ethel looked scandalized. "What on earth are you three talking about?"

"Nothing," Emmeline, Dorcas and Lily called together, trying not to laugh. Cecily and Ethel rushed out of the dorm as though fearing they might be corrupted by hearing such talk.

"So really," Dorcas added a moment later as their giggled subsided. "You don't have to worry about anything, Lily."

Lily shook her head. "I think you're forgetting the point; he's angry with me. He went nuts!"

Dorcas frowned and glanced at Emmeline for further suggestions. "I suppose you just took it too far," Emmeline said with a slight shrug. "Yeah he liked what you were doing, but it was all part of the routine wasn't it?"

"I guess."

"See, you went and did something completely personal, something that wasn't part of your act. I mean, what would you have done if he tried to put his hand down _your_ pants?"

Lily snorted. "First of all, I did not put my hand down his pants, okay? It was over his robes. But," she added grimly. "I supposed I'd be upset about it too."

"Then there's your answer," Emmeline sighed. 

"He didn't have to get so mean though," Lily added sulkily.

Dorcas frowned again. "What did he say?"

"He basically called me a slut."

"He did not!" The girls look appalled. "That's it," Dorcas added, getting up from the bed. "I'm going to hex his pecker right off!"

"Don't," Lily cried, grabbing her friend by the sleeve and pulling her back to the bed. "I just want to forget about it alright?"

"But Lily, he had no right to say that about you."

"Well he didn't actually say the word 'slut'," Lily admitted. "He said some of my old boyfriends had been spreading rumours about me and that they were near enough true."

Dorcas and Emmeline shared a confused look. "What kind of rumours?"

"That I'd had sex with them. He didn't give me the details."

"Those arseholes!"

"Well it can't be that bad," Dorcas interjected. "John still believes you're a virgin, right?"

Lily nodded. "And James gave them a good pounding for it apparently."

"Oh that's so sweet," Emmeline cooed.

Dorcas and Lily looked at her.

"Well it is!"

"Maybe it's just me, but I'd much prefer a bunch of flowers," Dorcas muttered.

Lily laughed.

"Well I say don't worry so much, Lily," Emmeline smiled. "He didn't mean it, did he; he wouldn't be running around trying to protect your honour if he truly thought you deserved to be labeled a tart. I think everyone just got carried away, you know? Sometimes people seem angrier than they really are when they're embarrassed."

"That's right," Dorcas nodded. "Remember when we walked in on Ethel trying on her new thong when she said 'don't come in'? She screamed bloody murder and wouldn't talk to us for a week. James was probably just pissed off that you found out his little secret too."

Emmeline frowned at her. "Little secret?"

"That a bit of snogging gives him a hard on."

"Ah."

They each turned to Lily who was smirking to herself. "What?"

She released a tiny giggle, finding it hard to look either of them in the eye. "Big secret."

The girls had suggested she speak to James soon and apologize, because the last thing she needed was for him to be in a bad mood with her during the party, or worse, call off the deal altogether. She agreed entirely but the trouble was in finding him. She knew he was busy fitting in preparations for Peter's birthday with his already overcrowded schedule and his whole gang had stopped showing up for regular meals. Sometimes one of them would pop by, grab a stash of food and disappear from the hall again. They were probably spending all their free time in that mysterious room up on the seventh floor, but every time Lily had walked past in the past few days it was just a blank wall. Maybe he was actually avoiding her.

"You can't figure it out either."

She turned in surprise to see John walking toward her, his hands in his pockets. He stopped beside her and peered at the stone wall.

"Pardon?"

"This is where Pettigrew's do is, isn't it?"

"Oh, oh yes," she said. "Bit of a mystery." She didn't want to share the secret of the room with John. It was James' secret and he had been reluctant to even show her it the first time he tried to bring her up here. Once upon a time though, she wouldn't have questioned letting her boyfriend in on the surprise. But that seemed ancient history now. She had already broken up with John in her mind – he just didn't know it.

"Fancy a walk?"

Lily looked up at him to see him smiling back at her. "It's a bit cold out isn't it?"

"We'll stick to the corridors."

She could hardly argue her way out of it and allowed him to take her hand as they started along the hallway. He glanced at her now and again, smiling. Lily smiled back reluctantly feeling awkward.

"It's Valentines Day soon."

"Yeah." She was amazed at how difficult it was to talk to him now. They used to be able to gabble on about anything and everything.

"Let's do something nice."

She couldn't help but think they wouldn't be a couple come Valentines Day, but she had to play along. "Like?"

"Well, there's a Hogsmeade visit, isn't there?"

"Hmm."

"I'll take you to that café all the chicks like." He'd once said he wouldn't be caught dead in a place like Madame Puddifoot's and she realised he was trying to win her over, but she just couldn't get excited. "Let's stay in one of the inns overnight; we can sneak back early the next morning."

Lily glanced up at him skeptically.

"That's not my way of asking for sex," he added quickly, sensing her hesitation. "I just think it might be fun, don't you? Sometimes I wish we were in the same house so you could sneak into my dorm and we could just lay together, just for the sake of being close to each other. I'll pay for it, what d'ya say?"

She was a little taken aback. First of all he was being _sweet_, and secondly, she realised he had left no room for Judy in his Valentine's plans. Her mind instantly flew to the probability that she had dumped in the past few days, but glancing down she saw that he wore no ring. "That sounds nice," she admitted. It was a pity he was such a pig. He always was a bit of a sweetheart; it was why she'd been attracted to him in the first place.

"I'll get Father to book it," he nodded, sounding pleased by her agreement.

Lily could not side her surprise. "You're going to tell your father you want to sneak out of school and shack up with some girl for a night?"

He chuckled in response, leading her down a flight of stairs. "It does sound dodgy when you put it like that. But you're not just _some girl_ are you? He knows about you, he'll be okay with it."

"He knows about me?"

"Don't sound so surprised," he said, looking down at her in amusement. "You think I wouldn't tell me parents about my girlfriend of six months, three weeks and…four days? Maybe five," he added in an undertone. "Anyway, they know all about you - can't wait to meet you actually."

She couldn't believe he knew how long they'd been dating for and was rendered speechless by the fact. Lily had been rounding it to about six months for the past _two_ months at least – _nearly six months/about six months/just over six months…I think._

"That's something I've been meaning to speak to you about as well," he continued. "Would you consider coming to meet them next holidays?"

Meet his parents? What sort of lousy, cheating boyfriend wants his girlfriend to meet his parents? Where did Judy fit into this? Was he one of those kinds of men that married but kept mistresses on the side? Did he think his behaviour was actually quite normal?

"Oh gosh," Lily said, feeling a little overwhelmed. "I don't really know John."

He looked disappointed, dropping his gaze for a moment before looking at her with sad eyes. "Well, whenever you're ready then I suppose. It's just that Mother's been onto me about it for a while – she's keen to meet you – they both are. And I want you to meet them of course. I don't want to pressure you about it though… I know things haven't been quite normal with us lately." He released a long breath. "Maybe in the summer? It would be good if I could give her some sort of time to get her off my back."

"Sure," she forced a smile. "In the summer, when we've got NEWTs out of the way." She knew they wouldn't be together by the end of the month but she still felt guilty. He envisioned them still together after school – wouldn't that be the perfect time to go their separate ways, naturally, so he could be with Judy without a nasty breakup? But he didn't want a breakup. He wanted her to meet the family.

"They'll love you," he said, having found his smile again. He gave her hand an extra squeeze. "I hope you like them – Mother can be a bit eccentric at times, but she means well. Father's pretty laid back – he'll bore you to tears talking about his work. Just nod a lot; that's what I do."

She released a strained giggle, utterly confused by his behaviour. He had dropped the sex talk as he had promised and now he was acting like an angel – like a perfect boyfriend – like he used to be when they first got together. But she had seen him sneaking off with Judy on more than one occasion. What was going on in his head?

"Evans!"

They stopped half way down a staircase, turning to see James Potter standing at the top behind them.

"McGonagall wants us in her office."

"Oh," Lily said faintly, releasing John's hand. "Right," she said, brushing her hair behind her ears. "I'll be right there."

James nodded but did not move from his position. Lily felt awkward as John leaned in to kiss her on the lips. It was just a peck, but she blushed under James' watchful eyes. "See you later." John gave her a happy smile before jogging off down the stairs. Lily watched him go in case he turned to wave, which he did, and then made her way up to where James was standing patiently.

"Did she say what it's about?" she asked, falling into step as they began their way along the corridor.

"There's no meeting," he replied nonchalantly, without looking at her. "I thought you might want an excuse to get away."

She glanced at him in surprise before turning to look straight ahead herself. It was very thoughtful considering how he had spoken to her during their last encounter. "Thanks, I did."

He did not reply and they fell into awkward silence. She had been looking for him for the past few days but now she had him she wasn't quite sure what to say. It was a touchy subject. Dorcas had said the best thing to do was probably just to-

"I'm sorry I touched your pecker."

-blurt it out really fast.

Dorcas was very wrong, she decided. Her face burnt again in humiliation. James was looking at her as though he was afraid for her mental health.

"Pardon?"

"I'm sorry," she said again, finding she couldn't look at him. "That came out wrong. I meant to say I'm sorry about…doing what I did. It was very inappropriate…just like this conversation."

He snorted in a way that told her he was trying not to laugh but he really couldn't help it. "I'm sorry too," he admitted eventually. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. You took me by surprise."

"No, you probably should have," Lily sighed. "I wasn't thinking straight."

He nodded slowly as though to accept her apology but she saw the look in his eyes – like he still wasn't entirely sure what was going on with her. 

She cleared her throat, causing him to look at her. "It's just that when we practice," she began, feeling her face burn at the thought of telling him what had been going through her mind that day. "I know that's all it is – a _practice_ – but I just get the impression you're not getting a lot out of it so-" 

He scoffed. "I got forty Galleons out of it."

"I know," she said, feeling more stupid by the minute as everyone seemed to be pointing out to her what an idiot she had really been. "But I'm talking about the, um, _physical_ rewards."

"Oh," he said, a wrinkle appearing between his brows. "Well, I'm not exactly in it for those."

"But you do _experience_ them, don't you?" she added, glancing at her shoes.

"Well yes," he replied stiffly. "Obviously."

Yes, it had been rather obvious the other day…

"Well if you don't mind me saying," she began, trying to sound positive as he appeared to be growing sullen - like he thought she was picking on him. "I think that's _good_!". He raised an eyebrow at her. "I mean, not that I'm consciously wanting you get a- um," she paused as she realized she was rambling awkwardly. "It's just that I thought I was the only one, you know, that got _pleasure_ out of what we've been doing. I felt stupid – I wanted you to feel that too."

He gave her a small smile. "Lily, I'm being paid to grope a beautiful witch – I can't _not_ get pleasure from that – it's hormones."

She was glad he seemed to understand and she returned the smile. "I just couldn't help but think I was weird because we don't really fancy each other, that's all."

He turned his face to look at her properly at last but his expression was unreadable. Lily raised her eyebrows questioningly but he turned away again without saying a word.

"So," Lily tried her best to move the conversation along now that was settled. "The party's this Friday then?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Came around quick."

"And we're still okay?"

He looked at her again as he realised what she was getting at. "Oh yeah, yeah, course. We're good."

"Good," she repeated, feeling relief. "Are you free this week then? I promise I'll keep my hands to myself," she added, trying to lighten the mood.

He allowed a small smile but she noticed it did not reach his eyes. "I'm kind of busy, Lily. We have to get supplies – drinks, food…stuff – there's not a lot of time, you know?"

"Of course," Lily tried to remain cheerful. "And there's a match next week – you're probably flat out."

"I am."

"Right." She was disappointed; Monday morning's escapade had left her feeling a little unsettled about the entire thing. She really wanted another practice to make sure they had everything right.

"But, now that you mention it," he added. "Sirius was talking about it the other day. He thought it might be an idea to have a bit of a 'private showing' before the big night. You know, show your friends too and everything - so we can see what they think of it."

"Like a dress rehearsal?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, when?"

He frowned. "Not too sure to be honest," he said. "I'll get back to you. Anyway, I gotta run – practice starts in twenty."

"Sure," she nodded, coming to a halt at the bottom of another staircase. "See you then."

He gave a curt nod before taking off at a jog up the steps. She watched him until his feet disappeared at the top and decided to make a slow walk to…well, anywhere with no boys.


	11. Chapter 11

11.

Lily packed away her notes from the prefects meeting and thanked everyone for coming as they slowly drifted out of the room. James was the only one still sitting at his desk, making a few final notes before capping his ink. She looped her book bag over her shoulder and waited for him to pack away. He seemed distracted, not looking up at her as she lingered by his desk.

"You wanna hang out with me tonight?"

He glanced up at her briefly as he stuffed his notes into his satchel. "Can't sorry. You heard Pierce knackered his arm yesterday, didn't you?"

"Yeah, how's he doing?"

"Not good," he replied, throwing the bag over his shoulder and preceding her out into the hallway. "I gotta throw the Quaffle at the reserve; make sure he's up for next weeks match. Rotten bugger hasn't been showing up for regular practice."

"Will it take long?"

He shrugged, checking his watch. "An hour or two maybe, I'm gonna try and get some dinner first. See you around."

"Oh… see you then," Lily replied weakly as he sped off down a flight of stairs, waving over his shoulder. She stopped short in the middle of the busy corridor wondering what to do with herself. Dorcas and Emmeline had gone to library to finish up an assignment that Lily had already completed last week, and if she knew those girls at all then they wouldn't be back until Madame Pince threw them out at closing time.

She had been looking forward to spending some time with James, just playing chess or lounging around in the common room to chat, but his schedule was busier than hers with his additional Quidditch responsibilities. She wasn't very hungry either, having grabbed dinner with the girls before the meeting so she couldn't even waste time by eating. In the end she decided she would take a slow walk down to the Quidditch pitch and watch the practice. At least that way she could catch James if they finished early.

She was feeling anxious about Friday night and _not_ because she was expected to kiss someone in front of a hundred people. She was honestly beginning to wonder if she was doing the right thing. She had seen John kissing Judy a month ago, he had given her his ring, and she had spotted them together many times since, but something just wasn't _right_.

After her birthday she _had_ begun to notice how little he seemed to appreciate her; he only seemed to want to know her when he was after a date for sex. But ever since she'd told him to back off he'd done a complete turn around and was back to the old John – the one that she'd wanted to sleep with in the first place. She wasn't too sure if she could really trust him ever again, in fact she knew she couldn't. _Once a cheater, always a cheater_ – that's what Dorcas said – and Lily wouldn't take John back for all the world. But at the same time he seemed genuine about wanting to make their relationship work – he wanted her to meet his parents!

Lily couldn't help but think that there was something deeper going on that she didn't understand. Perhaps he didn't know he was cheating, if that was at all possible. Perhaps, in his mind, it was okay to string along two girls at the same time – not that it would ever be acceptable in Lily's eyes of course. But she couldn't shake off the feeling that maybe John really cared about her, and if she went ahead and kissed James at the party, then John would be completely heart broken. Of course, that had always been the point, but was the punishment too severe considering his state of mind?

It was cool outside and she was glad to have worn an extra shirt under her robes that day as she made her way past the changing rooms, along the path toward the pitch. She'd brought her Charms text with her to read because she wasn't sure how exciting watching a Quidditch practice could be – but she didn't think she'd find the time for it with all that was running through her mind right now. All she really knew was that it was too late to call off the deal with James – he and Sirius had probably already spent the forty galleons on alcohol for the party – and it wasn't fair to let the girls throw away their share of the money when this had been all their idea to begin with. But there was nothing she could do to stop her from feeling utterly sick about the whole thing.

"You still going out with Moira Greengrass?"

Lily recognized John's voice instantly as she strolled by the entrance to the changing room. She was glad she had nipped up to the dorm first to drop off her book bag so that she didn't accidentally bump into him on his way back from the pitch. She wasn't in the mood for talking to him right now. 

"Yeah," another voice replied – one of John's teammates. "She wants me to take her to Puddlehead's or something for Valentines." The boy didn't sound very enthusiastic. "I dunno – you guys heard of it?"

"Isn't that the ponsy tea shop on the corner?" a third voice piped up.

"Madame Puddifoot's," John corrected them. "It's a load of shite but you'll do it if the girl's worth it."

"You taking Webster like?"

Lily stopped walking at the mention of Judy's name. As far as she knew, Judy had been near enough wiped from John's Valentine's plans. She backtracked a few steps, listening at the door. It was difficult to hear over the noise of the showers that had just started running, and she took a few steps into the room, still hidden by a dividing wall, but ready to run away should they suddenly emerge from the changing room.

John snorted. "Nah mate, only if the girl's worth it is what I said."

The other guys laughed.

"I thought you said you'd booked a room?"

"Aye, for me and Lily."

Someone 'ooo'd' and another whistled. "Finally breaking in the virgin then?"

"Oi," John said firmly. There was a short silence before he spoke again. "She hasn't been herself lately; thought I'd do summit nice for her."

"Hoping she'll see how _romantic_ you are and finally give in?"

"Nah, I'm not expecting anything," he said, sounding rather complacent about the fact. "Can't try and change her mind about these things - she's pretty certain about what she wants."

"Not you, eh?" someone chuckled. 

There was an all round laugh of appreciation at the boys comment.

"Yeah well," someone finally added. "That what he got Webster for init?

"She's not kicking up about it then, you taking Evans out for Valentines?"

"Nah," John said. "She knows her place."

"Heard you had to surrender that pretty ring o' yours to keep her quiet though," someone chortled.

"Even the slappers need to feel wanted sometimes," another snorted.

Everyone laughed again but there was a groan from John. "Gotta keep her happy somehow. Hope I get that back eventually," he added darkly. "Mother'll have my neck."

"You ought to tell her to be careful with that thing; she was flashing it to everyone last week. Your girl's gonna be asking questions if word gets around."

"Stupid cow," John muttered. "She's gonna ruin everything."

The shower switched off and a new voice piped up. "Sorry to sound like the wet blanket here boys," he said. "Judy Webster's hot and all, but really, you're telling me you're not satisfied with Lily Evans? That girl is pure gold! If you don't want her I'd gladly take her off your hands."

Lily found herself feeling very grateful toward the Hufflepuff Quidditch player.

"Watch it," someone warned him. "Willis is dangerously protective about his girl."

"Aye," John added. "You keep your hands to yourself mate."

"Yeah well you're not giving it to her are you? You know the good girls always give the best head – I bet she's a right little slut. Let me warm her up for you, I'd love to get my hands on that tight little-"

Lily gasped, slapping her hands over her mouth with a mixture of disgust and shock at the sound of a slight scuffle followed by a loud thump. "Never," she heard John growl at the offensive boy. "_Ever_ talk about Lily like that, you hear me? I blow your fucking head off."

"Come on mate," someone else was trying to calm him. "Let go of him alright; he's just a dick head, doesn't know what he's saying."

"Too many bludgers to the head," another tried to lighten the mood.

There was another scuffle and Lily rushed out of the changing rooms as she heard footsteps hurrying toward her. A boy dressed in only a towel darted out of the doorway holding his uniform under his arm and took off in the opposite direction with seeing her. His back was red as though from being slammed against the brick wall. Really, that sort of behaviour deserved points to be taken, but she didn't wish to make her presence known and John _had_ been defending her. Instead she raised her wand and shot a carefully aimed warming charm at the half naked boy as he sprinted toward the castle across the icy grounds. Her heart was beating double time with the bit of drama and quietly crept back into the entrance, trying not to breathe too deeply and she listened for more of the conversation. 

"Being a bit greedy though aren't you Willis? You really _need_ two girlfriends?"

"Judy," John continued matter of factly. "Is _not_ nor will she _ever_ be my girlfriend. I've said it before, I'll say it again; Lily's my girl. So none of you arseholes get any ideas either."

"You know we wouldn't," the other guy snorted. "But I ask again; what are you doing with two girls if Miss Evans is _the one_?"

"Judy is, shall we say, _relief_," John told him. "I'm only human, I gotta clear the pipes somehow."

"Never considered your left hand?"

The group laughed.

"Why bother when there's girls like Judy Webster that are more than willing?" John replied casually. "She doesn't really _mean_ anything and she knows it, deep down. She keeps asking but knows I won't break up with Lily. Normally I'd kick a girl to the side if she wasn't keen, but Lily's something special I'm not giving that up for anything. She's the kinda girl you want to take home to meet your folks, you know?"

"And you'd still have girls like Judy Webster on the side?"

"My Uncle Regis has one of them, what do you call them?"

"A mistress."

"Yeah, he's dead wealthy though. Me Aunt knows about it and everything. If you've got enough dosh you can get away with anything – it's basically expected."

"Not me lads," John finally added. "When Lily's ready she'll be the ultimate girlfriend, you see. From that day on it'll be one girl for me – for life."

Someone snorted. "You'd better hope she's a good lay then."

"You know," John replied with a slight chuckle. "I don't think I'd notice. I get a stiffy just _thinking_ about her these days."

"Me too," someone sniggered. "Oi, I was kidding!"

"I swear, she's the perfect chick; good-looking, clever, funny." 

"Man, I need to find me a girl like that."

"Sorry mate, there's only one out there and she's all mine. You can have Judy."

"No thanks."

"Don't blame you. She's a real pain in the arse sometimes. If I knew how much trouble she'd be I'd never have gotten involved with the cow."

"So why don't you ditch her?"

"Because she'd tell Lily. I can't have her ruining the best thing in my life."

"You sound like a girl."

"He's _smitten_, leave him alone."

"You know lads, I'll marry that girl some day, you'll see."

"Did I miss it?"

"Nah, hurry up – close the door."

It was before breakfast on Thursday morning that James had arranged for everyone to meet for the dress rehearsal. Although the clothing itself wasn't very important as Lily and the girls arrived in their pajamas and they found the boys in a similar state of dress when Sirius let them into the dorm. Currently the entire audience was congregated on James' bed while Lily and James hovered in the middle of the room. Remus had just returned from the bathroom and he launched himself into the crowd, eager for the big show to start.

"Before we begin," Sirius said loudly over their excited chatter. "I would like everyone to know that everything you are about to see here today is the work of yours truly. Unless of course they managed to ruin everything, in which case I refuse to take the blame for you girls losing your money. Besides, we've already spent it."

"Yeah, yeah," Emmeline moaned, giving him a shove. "Shut up and let them get on with it."

They fell silent, turning to Lily and James with baited breath. Lily felt her pulse racing at being shoved into the spotlight though she thought James looked perfectly relaxed. "You brushed your teeth, didn't you?" he asked coolly.

Lily scoffed indignantly. "Yes. Did you?"

"Well I know how morning breath gets you all hot and bothered."

Their audience sniggered but Lily merely narrowed her eyes, refusing to let the boy make her anymore uncomfortable about this situation than she already was. He gave her a discreet grin that was obviously meant as a friendly gesture but Lily did not find it comforting. She swallowed hard as he placed his hands on her hips. She just couldn't shake the feeling that everything about this was suddenly so wrong.

"Now remember you two," Dorcas called out to them. "No front bottoms."

"Dorcas!"

Lily glared as Remus gave her a high five and James sniggered too while the others grinned on. She didn't appreciate their joking around; this was the most serious thing she had ever had to do – or at least, a rehearsal for the most serious thing he had ever had to do. She was about to crush someone. You couldn't _not_ feel guilty about something like that.

"Okay, quiet everyone," Peter called them to order. "I want to see this sometime this morning please."

"Thank you," Lily nodded before turning back to James. She placed her hands on his shoulders as was her 'starting position' and he returned his to her waist. They gave each other a look of agreement before Lily pushed herself onto her tiptoes and leaned her mouth towards James. The last thing she saw was his face inching in as she let her eyes flutter closed and it had begun.

They started slowly – Sirius had said everything was better if it was slow to begin with – and kissed rather chastely, but only for a few seconds. Lily let her hands slide across his shoulders and to the back of his neck, physically pulling him further into the kiss, and that was the sign to let things heat up. James was allowed to explore her body and Lily pushed her hips into his, letting her fingers wind through his hair and tugging until he moaned. He released one of his best yet – one that she could feel rumbling in his chest pressed against hers long before it reached her ears and it made her feel gooey inside. But not today.

The tongues played against each other, caressing and exploring while their hands did the same. Lily brought her hands back down to his shoulders, dragging her nails and she brought them down his back and he groaned again appreciatively, pulling her closer to him. They broke for air as his mouth wandered to her neck and it was her turn to moan as he cupped her breasts, her bottom, her thighs, everywhere that felt good. She usually liked to watch him do that but the idea of seeing the faces of their audience put her off and she kept her eyes squeezed tightly. They flickered however as he threw in something unrehearsed, gripping the underside of her left leg and hoisting it over his hip, creating a pleasant friction between their most intimate of places. He grunted, and she began to feel the beginnings of an erection in his shorts. She was conscious of him suddenly pushing her away to put some distance between their lower halves, clearly regretting his unpracticed move, and she was embarrassed for him, wondering if she should stop altogether but someone did it for her.

"STOP!"

They pulled apart, panting, and Lily let her eyes snap open as Sirius shouted at them. She wondered if they were really that bad and glanced at James for a reaction. He was flushed but was not looking at Sirius – he stared back at her, a slight crease between his brows. Had _she_ been bad?

"That was fan-fucking-tastic!" Sirius cried, startling her. He was grinning like a maniac. "I had to stop you though; I thought Wormtail was gonna cream his pants."

Peter hit him over the back of the head. "Fucking liar! I was not!"

"Maybe just me then," Sirius replied, still grinning.

"And me," Remus added with a snigger.

"Oh, err, and me," James muttered, crossing his hands over the front of his boxers.

Emmeline's mouth hung open and Dorcas held her hands over hers, shaking her head. "Oh my God, you two!" she cried, letting them fall to her lap. "I'm speechless! You were so _raunchy_! I can't believe how _real_ that looked; I thought you were about to rip each others clothes off!"

"Me too!" Emmeline giggled. "I feel like I've just watched something naughty! John is going to die tomorrow!"

The entire group was a mass of laughs and shouts and requests for praise from Sirius but Lily noticed James stayed very quiet, still watching her from the corner of his eye as Remus asked him for what appeared to be snogging advice.

"Oh sugar!" Emmeline exclaimed over the racket. "Look at the time; we're going to miss breakfast! Come on, come on!" The girls hurried their goodbyes and began to usher themselves out of the dorm still giggling about what they had just witnessed.

"What was that?"

Lily put her hand to her chest as James nearly scared the living daylights out of her, appearing from behind a statue as she made her way to Arithmancy that morning. "What was what?" she said with a frown. He was looking down on her with much the same expression.

"This morning," he said shortly. "What was that about?"

Lily took a hesitant step back from him. He appeared rather intimidating with that cross expression, bearing down upon her out of the blue. "I'm not sure what you mean," she replied honestly. "It was fine; even Sirius said so."

"Well he wasn't the one kissing you, was he?" he replied irritably. "What's gotten into you? Do you really want to ruin this tomorrow? After all the hard work we've put into getting it right?"

"James," Lily said, taking his forearm and encouraging him to walk with her, away from the bustling crowds in the main hall. "I think you're being paranoid; I'm not going to blow it. We did everything we normally do – if anything it's going to be _you_ that puts us in jeopardy."

"What?"

"Decided to improvise a little toward the end, didn't you?"

"Yeah well I had to," he argued, looking over his shoulder. "You weren't exactly giving me much to work with."

Lily stopped short, forcing him to turn back and look at her. Glancing down the hall she spotted the girls bathroom. "What are you talking about?" He made to reply but Lily silenced him, grabbing him by the arm again and dragging him into the nearest loo. Thankfully it was empty as the bell for next lesson was about to sound. He slumped against the wall, folding his arms over his chest. Lily stood with her hands on his hips in the center of the room. "Do you mind telling me what this is about? Why are you angry with me? I'm not aware of doing anything wrong."

He released a long breath, but continued to stare back at her with that irritated expression. "You weren't into it – you were faking it."

Lily could not help but roll her eyes. "I'm always faking it James; this is all fake, remember?"

"Today was different – I could tell."

He was right of course. Thinking about John had made her feel incredibly unsure of what they were doing and it had translated into their routine. "What do you want me to say?" she huffed, trying for a cover up. "I was nervous; we had people watching."

He narrowed his eyes, clearly not believing her. "Are you having second thoughts, Lily?"

He was either really perceptive or she was a terrible liar. She wanted desperately to tell him that she _was_ having second thoughts but there were so many people expecting her to do this – she didn't want to let anyone down by backing out at the last minute. "I'm _fine_," she said, hoping to sound confident. "I'm fine, everything's fine. As long as you don't go throwing in new moves again, everything's going to be fine. We're going to show up tomorrow, snog each others brains out and show Judy fucking Webster that I don't give a shit. She _ruined_ my birthday and I'm going to wipe that stupid smirk off her face when she sees who _I'm_ kissing." 

His expression however did not alter and his gaze remained suspicious. "John," he said quietly. "You're going to show _John_."

Lily cringed. That was what she had meant to say. "Of course," she muttered pathetically. "And John."

He dropped his head into his hands and ran them through his hair before looking at her again with disappointment evident all over his face. "After all this… you're not really over him, are you?"

"Don't be stupid," she said hastily. "Of course I am. I just… I don't think that he _deserves_ what we're doing," she admitted. "I don't want to do that to anyone."

"Why, Lily?" James said, stepping closer to her again. "He's a bastard."

"What we're doing is heartless," Lily replied. "He might be a bastard but to do what we have planned would be cruel."

"And cheating on you isn't?" he replied, sounding astounded by her sudden desire to call off the deal. 

But Lily was sure she was right. John didn't deserve what they were going to do to him. He had admitted that Judy meant nothing to him and the only reason he seemed to think it was acceptable to be with Judy at all was because of the way he had been brought up. He came from an old wizarding family where it was the norm to keep mistresses on the side. But even then he was going to give that up for her. He wanted to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her and only her. He loved her. Even if she didn't want to date him again, did someone who looked up to her with so much respect and admiration really deserve this sort of punishment?

"Why are you being like this?" she said angrily. "Why can't you accept my decision?" 

His eyes grew wide and he threw his arms up, growling with frustration. "Because it's a stupid decision!"

Lily was flabbergasted at his outcry, unable to think of a suitable response as she stared back at him with her mouth hanging open. He had never shown so much interest in her situation before; if anything she would have thought he was against what she was doing but kept his silence because he was being paid well for it. So why was it such a big deal for him now? Something finally clicked into place. "You can keep the money, I don't care."

He groaned, shaking his head. "This isn't about the money, Lily. Don't you care that he's just been allowed to walk all over you? _You're_ letting him do that."

"No I'm not."

"You _are_."

She was getting frustrated. "Look," she huffed, crossing her arms across her chest irritably. "What do you care anyway? This is my business, not yours. Take your forty galleons and just fuck off, okay? You're not needed anymore."

"Excuse me?" He really did seem offended. "Not my business?"

"What are you, a parrot?"

He was silent for a moment, staring back at her intently and breathing heavily. "Fine," he said with a shrug. "But just so you know; no man honestly _needs_ to fuck other girls when he's already with a woman he loves."

Lily scoffed, turning away so she wouldn't have to look at him anymore. "You don't know anything, James." He hadn't heard John in the changing rooms; he didn't know their situation.

"I know that if someone loves you, then they would never, under any circumstances _cheat_. You should be enough. I know that much," he added. He still sounded angry but his final words were slightly choked. Her eyes flickered to the mirror on the wall, finding his reflection. He looked…_sad_. "You'd certainly be enough for me," he finished with conviction.

Lily felt suddenly uncomfortable under his gaze, dropping her eyes to the sink in front of her. _You'd certainly be enough for me. _What did that _mean_?

"Don't tell me you haven't realized," he continued, stepping forward until she could sense his presence right behind her. "Don't tell me after all this time – after all we've been through over the past few weeks you're still completely ignorant."

"Ignorant to what exactly?" she replied guardedly. But she knew. She just didn't want to think about it. She didn't need this right now. In fact, she felt slightly sick at the revelation.

"You know what I'm talking about."

Lily turned to him, finding him much closer than she had anticipated. "Don't do this right now, James-"

"Then when?" he cut her off sharply, though he never raised his voice. "When would be a good time for you, Lily? Has two years really been too short a time for you?"

"I don't know," she muttered to the ground, trying to sift her way though the sudden jumble of thoughts in her head. 

"Then figure it out!" he barked.

"Don't yell at me!" she cried, shoving him so that he was forced to take a step backwards. "You lied to me – you said you were after the money! What else was I supposed to think?"

They stared at each other for a good two minutes, breathing heavily with frustration. Finally Lily dropped her head, robbing her face with her hands. "What's going on here?" she said weakly, lifting her face to see him again. "What are you saying to me?"

"It's really not that complicated."

"Humour me," she muttered dryly.

He sighed, taking another step away from her until he was leaning against the door of a cubicle. "I love you," he said, as thought he were merely commenting on the weather.

She felt incredibly awkward finding herself yet again at the centre of his unwelcome affections, although he'd never used the term 'love' before. "Why didn't you say something?" She would never have let him get involved in this situation with John if she had been certain about how he felt.

"I wanted to," he told her earnestly. "You have no idea how much I wanted to. Do you think it was easy having you underneath me and not being able to confess how I really felt?"

Lily blushed at his choice of phrasing. "So why didn't you?"

"Don't you get it?" he said, his nose scrunched up in anguish. "You told me to leave you alone so I did," he said tonelessly. "For two years I left you alone; I had to sit by and watch you with other guys and to be honest Lily, it near killed me. But I thought if I did as you asked then you might change your mind about me – give me a chance. Then all of a sudden I find out your boyfriend is shagging some other bird and you're looking to get him back – by snogging someone no less! I never thought I'd see the day when I got to kiss you – touch you – and all of a sudden you were prepared to _pay_ me to do those things to you whenever I wanted? I'm not a fool – I jumped at the chance! But I couldn't let you know how much I wanted it because I was afraid you'd freak out.

"It's been so damn hard Lily, pretending to be your friend and pretending that kissing you was such a chore. I shouted at you the other day but I didn't mean any of it and then I had to lie about it and say I didn't want you like that when I did – I do! But I knew if I didn't push you away like I did then I would have been all over you - I wouldn't have been able to stop myself - and you would have hated me for it. I've been as much of a bastard as Willis was – I've been using you, fulfilling my fantasy of finally snogging Lily Evans. I've hated myself this past month for doing that to you but I couldn't stop – I've wanted you for so long.

"And slowly we started being friends again and you told me you _liked_ being with me – liked all those things we've been doing . I thought that when this was all over I might actually have a chance with you but now you're ruining it, Lily. You're forgiving him for what he's done and I'm so bloody scared that you're going to back to him. I kissed you today and I couldn't feel you anymore – that honestly scared the sht out of me. He wants to marry you and I believe that, but you can't believe he loves you Lily. Don't believe it. Because I think I'd die if you went back to him, Lily. I know I'm a selfish fck but _I_ want you. And I know you want me too, I've felt it every time you kiss me."

He was out of breath when he'd finished and Lily stared back at him across the bathroom with tears in her eyes. All that time she'd been so blind – she'd had no idea all of this was going on inside his head. She'd been torturing him for a whole month, letting him think he had some sort of chance. She had known this was always going to end badly – she should have followed her instincts.

"I'm sorry," she uttered quietly.

His face fell. She could almost hear his heart breaking into a thousand pieces in the quietness of the bathroom. "No, Lily, come on, please don't do this."

"I'm sorry James. You're my friend, but I… I just don't like you like that." It was such a corny line and she hated herself for saying it.

She was shaking his head, refusing to believe her. "No, you do. You can't do what we've been doing and not have some sort of connection – it wouldn't feel as good as it does otherwise. You can't fake something like that."

"I faked it today, didn't I?" she countered him. "You said so yourself. I don't love you James."

"You're a liar," he hissed, growing angry again.

"No, you are," she snapped back at him. "You've been lying to me this entire time. I would _never_ have gotten you involved if I thought you still had feelings for me. I never wanted this James and I still don't. When are you going to accept that I don't want you?" It was a cruel statement and he looked close to tears.

"No, I think you just made it very clear," he replied sounding choked. 

Lily didn't know what to say after that. She felt mean and stupid and sorry and wanted nothing more than for this whole situation to be over and done with. Realizing she had nothing left to suggest he swiped at his eyes and made for the door of the bathroom. The door swung shut behind him and Lily dropped to the floor, crying harder than she had the night of her birthday party. This was far worse than finding out her boyfriend was cheating on her. She'd just lost her best friend. Again.


	12. Chapter 12

12.

The door to the dormitory slid open and Lily groaned inwardly, pulling the duvet over her head. She had come straight here after the dispute with James yesterday and hidden away. By lunch time Emmeline and Dorcas and noticed her missing and they'd come straight up to see what was going on. Lily told them she wasn't in a talking mood and like the good friends they were, they left her alone. But twenty-four hours later she knew they'd be after answers.

"Is she still in bed?"

"Christ, there's no air in here. Open a window."

Lily heard the curtains being opened and light flooded the dorm. A cool breeze made the hangings around her bed flutter and she felt it on her toes, sticking out the end of the covers.

"You might be very cosy in this sticking pit of misery you've turned our dorm into, but some of us would like to breathe!" she heard Dorcas huff as her hangings were drawn back. "Enough already; what's going on?"

"We told everyone you were sick," Emmeline added as she felt the bed dip on either side of her. "Now Madame Pomfrey's expecting you for a check up. Suzie Mathers is telling everyone your pregnant."

Lily groaned aloud this time from under her blankets. "Too bad, I'm staying here."

"No you're not," Dorcas scoffed, yanking the duvet out of Lily's weak grasp and exposing her in all her messy-haired, pink-faced, bloodshot-eyed glory. "You look like shit."

"Yeah well," she huffed, snatching back the covers and pulling them up to her chin. "I feel like shit too."

Emmeline sighed. "Come on Lily, just tell us what's going on already. James didn't show up for lessons yesterday either and he's been in a foul mood all morning; we know something went on between you two."

"What happened? Did you try and get frisky with him again?"

Lily felt the tears welling in her eyes again. If only it was that simple.

"Oh don't," Emmeline said hastily, reaching out and stroking the stray hair from her face. "She's just joking, she didn't mean it."

"Unless of course that _is_ the problem," Dorcas added warily. The two girls shared an uncertain look before tuning back to Lily. "You didn't…did you?"

Lily found herself snorting at their serious expressions and wiped her eyes, sitting up a little against her pillows. The last thing she really wanted to do was talk about it but she knew the girls could not be left in the dark. "I don't want to kiss James at the party tonight."

The girls shared another look, this time of surprise. "That's it?" Emmeline asked. "That's why you two are acting all depressed?"

"I don't get it," Dorcas added. "We've been planning this for weeks? Why the change of heart?"

"I heard John talking about me," Lily admitted, looking at her hands. "He regrets the thing with Judy and he wants me to meet his parents. I feel like a bitch for planning all this behind his back. I don't want it to end that way, you know? I just want to break up with him and be done with it."

"Well I'm not going to pretend I'm not disappointed," Dorcas said with a slight frown. "But if that's what you want, I guess…well that's just it then, isn't it?"

Lily smiled at her. She could tell both girls were disappointed but was glad they were being so good about it.

"But what about James?" Emmeline added. "Does he not want to give the money back or something?"

"No," Lily groaned. "He's just – he's _angry_ 'cause he thinks I'm letting John off lightly. He's worried that I'm planning on going back to him, I think, and that-"

She hesitated.

"What?" Emmeline asked insistently. "Go on."

Lily took a deep breath, feeling slightly embarrassed under their stares. "He said he loves me." She paused as though waiting for cries of shock from the girls but they stared back at her completely speechless. Lily continued. "He said he'd only agreed to this whole thing because he wanted to kiss me and he thought I might fall for him. He lied to me – this whole time he was lying about everything." She felt the tightness in her throat and the familiar pinpricks behind her eyes.

"Oh Lily," Dorcas and Emmeline sighed, leaning forward and wrapping her up in a much needed hug before the tears could fall. "What did you tell him?" Emmeline added.

"That I didn't like him like that," Lily managed through her sobs. "And now I feel awful about it – he looked so miserable."

"I'm so sorry, Lily," Dorcas sighed as they pulled apart. "We should never have made you do this."

"Not your fault," Lily sniffed, wiping her face on the back of her hand. "I knew it was a bad idea; I shouldn't have let him get involved."

"That's not what she meant," Emmeline added sounding awkward. Lily glanced up at them to see them each averting her eyes.

"What?" she asked sceptically.

"It was Sirius' idea really," Emmeline began to explain hesitantly. And you know what I'm like around Sirius – I couldn't say no."

"And I just though the whole scheme would work better if you were caught with James instead," Dorcas added. "We knew he must fancy you a little but we never expected…we didn't think he was so… you know," she finished weakly.

Lily frowned. "I'm not following."

Emmeline gave her a sorry look. "You remember that day you and John saw me snogging Sirius?"

"Yeah?" Lily replied suspiciously.

"Well, we kinda set that up."

Lily knew that somehow these girls had been planning some sort of scheme of their own behind her back and they felt awfully guilty about it, but she wasn't one hundred percent sure she knew what had gone on. "But you've fancied Sirius for ages."

"Which is why I volunteered to be the one to kiss him," Emmeline replied. "I wasn't about to say no to my one and only chance to kiss Sirius Black, was I?"

Lily was a little angry that they had potentially messed up the original plan and somehow caused a chain reaction that led to the horrible incident with James, but in her reasoning, Emmeline sounded so much like James when he had explained why he had agreed to kiss her that she remained silent, waiting for them to continue.

"See," Dorcas took over. "Sirius told us that although he didn't mind helping you out, he'd much rather let James take over because he thought it would annoy John more. Although after his little confession I'm beginning to think he had an ulterior motive," she added with a sigh. "We told him that you'd already said no to James but he was really persistent and he came up with this idea that if you and John were to see that he had a girlfriend, then you'd have to find someone else anyway."

Lily couldn't believe that they'd gone and planned this without her ever knowing. "So James knew about this?"

"No," Dorcas replied with a shake of her head. "Sirius was going to tell him but you were on your rounds together. We knew you'd ask Remus though so Sirius told him to refuse when you asked – which you did. All Sirius had to do was talk James into saying yes if we could persuade you to ask him too, but before we knew it James had stepped in and offered all on his own."

"So really," Emmeline added quietly. "Technically you could say that this was Sirius' fault if you're looking for someone to yell at."

Lily could not help the small chuckle that escaped her. "I had no idea."

Both girls looked relieved. "So you're not angry?"

"Well yes," Lily replied pitifully. "I'm angry with myself, and with him, and just everything! This is so messed up."

"At least some good came of it all," Dorcas added tentatively. "Emmeline technically got a shot at going out with Sirius; that's good, right?" 

"Well, not really," Emmeline said dully. 

"Really?"

Emmeline shrugged. "He's a bit of a pig actually."

Dorcas and Lily laughed. "We could have told you that, dear." Emmeline groaned, falling to lie beside Lily who patted her head in mock consolation.

"So Lily," Dorcas began in a tone that Lily knew meant she was digging for information. She repositioned herself to be more comfortable, pulling her legs up onto the bed. "Looking back on all of this, now that it's over and everything, you're saying you got nothing out of all that snogging? You and Potter – you're just _friends_?"

"No," Lily snorted. "He hates me – we're nothing again."

"Oh come on," Emmeline added. "He doesn't _hate_ you. He's just…heartbroken."

"Thank you," Lily scoffed, looking down on her. "I'm feeling much better about myself now. So glad we had this chat."

"You're too sensitive, Lil," Dorcas sighed, shoving the redhead slightly as she too lay down on the bed, folding her arms over her chest. "The point is he doesn't hate you - I don't think the boy _can_ hate you. He must have loved you all this time and stayed quiet about it, pining away without ever telling a soul – 'cept maybe his mates – how awful."

"Oh!" Lily groaned, throwing her arms up at the ceiling. "What is this? Make Lily feel like a bitch day?"

Dorcas and Emmeline giggled at her distress. "No, no," Dorcas said though her sniggers. "We've got off topic. I was asking you, well, how you _feel_ about him after all this?"

Lily shrugged. "I _want_ to be his friend still. I missed him the last time, you know?"

Dorcas smiled at her impishly. "Just friends?"

Lily gave her a stern look. "Not you too. Why is everyone so keen to tell me how _I_ feel? I think I know!"

"We're not trying to play matchmaker here Lily," Dorcas added. "It's just we don't understand how you can possibly have learned to be so intimate with a boy – especially _that_ boy – without developing some sort of crush at least."

"Intimate?"

"Am I the only one that remembers the pecker grab?"

"Pecker?" 

"Pecker."

The two girls fell into hysterics around her but Lily continued to stare at the ceiling with a slight frown fixed upon her face. First James, and now these two. Everyone was trying to put words in her mouth. Why didn't anyone believe that a girl and boy really could be friends and nothing more?

&&&

Lily was in awe as she stepped into the party room. Those boys had really got all out in the organizing for this party. Peter Pettigrew was the luckiest teenager on the planet; this party was destined to be one for the history books. Everything looked amazing. The room was bigger than she had even realised with a full sized dance floor complete with flashing lights – a million stolen charmed fairies, she presumed with a smirk. The furniture reminded her of that in the common room, which gave the place a nice familiar feel to it and even a fire burned in the hearth. At the far end of the room was a long table dotted with all the party treats you could ever want and another, slightly smaller table loaded with, in Lily's opinion, far too much alcohol. The lights were dimmed and everything seemed to come from either the fire or the fairy lights which appeared coloured, flashing behind the balloons were hung from every angle. Music played from an invisible source – a wizarding group no doubt that Lily wasn't very familiar with – interrupted every so often from squeals of shock by the guests as hidden party poppers exploded over their heads, littering the carpeted floor with streamers.

"Don't linger," someone said to her, and she felt a hand in the small of her back, pushing her forward. "We need to get everyone in without the teachers noticing." She recognized the voice to be Remus Lupin, who was holding the door open as everyone crammed in. He gave her a smile and she waved before allowing herself to be steered into the center of the room by the crowds. Dorcas took her hand and she clasped onto Emmeline's so as not to be lost in the throng as they made a snake line to the buffet table.

"Fancy a drink, Ladies?"

Lily looked up to see Sirius pouring cups of something Lily did not dare to try – not this early in the evening anyway. "Butterbeer for us, I think," Dorcas replied, giving Lily a knowing smirk over her shoulder.

"Don't poison anyone, will you?" Lily added as she took the bottle he held out to her. "I don't think my Head Girl status allows me to keep quiet when McGonagall starts asking why half of Gryffindor ended up in the hospital wing tomorrow."

The girls giggled but he merely smiled at her comment. Lily realised she hadn't spoken to any of the Marauders since the incident with James and that whatever James was feeling right now Sirius was probably feeling it too, for his friend. She smiled back meekly before nudging Emmeline and pushing her toward the couches by the fire. They froze upon finding Peter and James occupying the next sofa.

"Go on," She heard Dorcas mutter behind her, giving her a slight poke in the back. "Don't make it awkward."

Lily sent a glare before following Emmeline around the couch and settling herself between the two girls. James glanced at her briefly before turning determinedly away, watching the people on the dance floor. Peter looked too caught up in his birthday so care what was going on between the Head prefects. 

"Thanks for coming!" he said to the girls, smiling gleefully.

"No, thank you," Lily replied, determined for James to see he acting normally. "Happy birthday, by the way. Everything looks fantastic."

"Thanks," he grinned. "Though I didn't do it all by myself, these guys did most of it," he added, indicating James beside him. James did not acknowledge him.

"You really outdid yourself, James," she said, raising her voice purposely. "I like the party popper idea." She was certain it was his idea; he was the only one with a close Muggle-born friend.

Finally he turned back to the group. "Thanks," he replied tonelessly, taking a swig of… well, whatever Sirius had poured him.

There was a short pause in conversation before anyone spoke again.

"You three look nice," Peter announced pleasantly. "Really pretty."

"Thank you," the three girls spoke together, making them giggle.

James had turned back to the dance floor. Lily glanced at Dorcas again who gave her a pitying look in return.

"Hey, who wants to dance?" Emmeline said, calling their attention.

Lily sighed. "I will," she replied. She didn't want to have to look at James for any longer if he was just going to sulk all night. She really was trying, why couldn't he?

"Great," Emmeline said, reaching across Lily and taking Dorcas' hand. She dragged the dark haired girl to her feet. Lily tried to stand up but Dorcas pushed her back down. She frowned. "Coming Peter?"

"Oh, I don't really dance," he replied uneasily.

"Nonsense," Emmeline said to him, releasing Dorcas and taking his hand. "It's your birthday; you have to dance!"

Lily watched as the two girls pulled the boy around the couches and toward the dance floor. He stood awkwardly between the girls as they shimmied around him. Lily tried not to laugh. To her surprise however she heard James exhale a scoff of amusement.

She glanced across at him and they made brief eye contact before James quickly broke it, pretending to be watching Peter. "Are you going to talk to me or not?" she asked gently.

He turned to her again and his smile faded. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Nothing," she sighed, falling back into the cushions. "Forget it."

"Fine," he replied nonchalantly, taking another sip of his drink.

There was short silence in which neither of them looked at each other.

"I like your dress," he spoke finally, still not looking at her.

She glanced at him momentarily, somewhat surprised but relieved for the sudden icebreaker. She smoothed the material over her knees. "Thanks. It's the one I wore to my birthday," she replied in an equally offhand tone, brushing the creases out of the fabric across her lap. 

"I know. I'm glad it cleaned up alright."

She hesitated, wondering what that meant, until she remembered spilling butterbeer all over herself when she had caught John with Judy. "Me too."

"I didn't tell anyone, you know," he added, giving her a sidelong glance. "Not even Sirius."

She shrugged, finally popping the top on her butterbeer and taking a swig. "He found out anyway, didn't he."

James turned his face toward her at last, looking puzzled. "He did?"

Lily frowned. "Where have you been this past month?"

James' expression softened but he averted his eyes once again. "I didn't think you'd tell him _that_."

"Well of course I did; isn't he the one who told y-" She paused, frowning harder than ever. "Are we having the same conversation?"

"What are you talking about?"

"What are _you_ talking about?"

"I didn't think it would be that easy to forget."

"Humour me."

He looked uncomfortable and glanced over his shoulder before speaking. "At your birthday – at the top of the stairs – when you, ah-" He seemed to be doubting himself now.

"Go on."

"You pissed yourself?"

Lily's nose turned up in revulsion. "I most certainly did not! Where on earth would you get such a silly-" And then she groaned in realisation. "I split my _butterbeer_ you moron."

"Oh."

"Oh indeed. Thank _God_ you didn't tell anyone." She rolled her eyes and heard him snorting into his drink. "It's not funny James," she chided him, but even then she felt her face break into a grin of its own accord. That stupid laugh of his always got her going.

"It is a bit," he smiled wider at her reaction.

"Not if everyone had found out that the Head Girl had wet her knickers!" She groaned again at what might have been. "How embarrassing."

"Well I thought you had and I still love you," he added as a consolation. She wasn't sure if it was just part of their banter or if he really meant it but either way they both seemed to consider it for a moment before either spoke again.

Her smile faded as she glanced back at him and he smiled weakly in return. Lily sighed. "I don't want to go back to ignoring each other," she told him honestly.

He sighed too, dropping his gaze to his cup between his hands. "Lily…I can't."

"Can't you try?" Lily pleaded with him. "I just want things to back to the way they were – when we were kids."

"But we're _not_ kids anymore," he told her, lifting his gaze to look her in the eye. "Things aren't ever going to be the way they were Lily."

"So what do we do?"

"You're the only one that can make that decision," he said plainly. "But we're never going to be just friends."

He wanted her to choose. All or nothing.

"You can't _make_ me love you back, James."

Lily didn't think it was possible but he looked even more disappointed than before. Perhaps he had truly believed she would come around. "Then that's that isn't it?" he said stiffly.

Lily didn't know what to say to him. The idea of this conversation had been to make up, but it seemed no matter how many times they tried, James was right, they couldn't be friends. They would go back to ignoring each other and it would hurt Lily deeply but she knew it was probably nothing to they way James would feel; pretending to be her friend and having to hold back on his true feelings - it would be like teasing him – showing him what he wanted but never letting him have it.

When she didn't respond he got to his feet, placing his cup on the nearby table. "Excuse me," he added before disappearing into the crowds.

Lily ran a tired hand across her brow. She didn't want to let him go but what else could she do?

"Mind if I join you?"

Sirius seated himself in James' vacant spot.

"Speaking to me now?" Lily sneered, leaning back into the couch and folding one leg over the other.

"Only because Remus beat me to James. I got left with you."

She scoffed, turning purposely away. "Save yourself the agony then. I don't need sympathy, thanks."

"I'm not here to give sympathy; I'm here to inform you of what a heartless bh you are."

She scoffed again, looking up into his face, which appeared rather expressionless despite his harsh words. "Don't put the blame on me, Sirius Black. The girls told me everything; this whole mess is your fault. If you were his friend you would never have done that to him."

"If _you_ were his friend then you wouldn't have left him miserable." 

"Well for your information, we're _not_ friends anymore so it's still your fault."

"You're the one that broke his heart."

"You're the one that set him up for heartbreak!"

"Well if I'd known you were such a heartless bh I would never have done it!"

"You already used that insult," she smirked. "And besides, I never did anything to make you think I was interested in him. You're just an interfering little snot, that's what you are."

This time Sirius scoffed. "Didn't do anything to make me think you were interested? Come off it, Evans, I had to watch you two dry humping on the floor of a broom closet! You loved it!"

"Wash your mouth out!" Lily scowled at him. "I did no such thing."

"And what's this I hear about you trying to give him a hand job?"

Lily gasped. "He told you about that?"

"I may have beaten it out of him with a pillow, but yes, he did!"

Lily very nearly growled. "That's besides the point. That all happened _after_ you set him up."

"But you admit to enjoying it."

"I've admitted to _everyone_ that I enjoyed it," she huffed. "I am allowed to, you know – I may be a girl but I'm a teenager too. But that _doesn't_ mean I'm in _love_ with him."

"No body admits to enjoying sex with their best friend."

"There was no sex," she replied, sounding horrified. "Just stop this," she snapped, lowering her voice as she began to loose her temper with his meddling. "He's my _friend_ – or was, anyway," she added. "We kissed – that's all. And yes, I liked it. Get over it, move on, stop interfering with my life." Did they all think she was stupid, trying to catch her out and get her to admit she was in love with him?

But he didn't look at all troubled by her response. He just sat there, staring back her with a smug look about him. "Okay," he seemed to admit evenly. "I get it; he's your friend."

Lily took a breath of relief at the breakthrough.

He continued calmly. "He's a good-looking bloke I suppose and you're a pretty girl. Makes sense – you're only human." He rose from the couch with a sigh. "You just like to get physical sometimes; I get it now."

"Thank you," she muttered quietly, grateful that someone was finally seeing things her way. She would never have thought Sirius to be the first to understand but she hoped he might knock some sense into James.

"There's just one thing though," he said, stopping suddenly upon making to leave the area.

Lily cocked her head to look up at him. "And what's that?"

"I'm probably wrong," he said with a slight shrug, but you said you're his friend, right? And you can't seem to keep your hands off him-" Lily made to interrupt what she assumed to be a crude comment but he continued. "-Isn't that what most girls would define as the perfect boyfriend?"

For the first time she hesitated. "W-what are you talking about?"

"Oh but don't listen to me; what do I know?" he added offhandedly. "I mean you're just friends, like you said, and you would know best of course." He took the butterbeer from her hands though she hardly noticed as she stared across the room with her nose turned up in a rather unattractive expression of severe concentration. He took a swig for himself and did not give her back the bottle. "See you around, Lily."

"What the fuck?"

But he'd already stalked off in the direction of the dance floor.

"What did Sirius Black just say to you?"

Lily was startled to see Cecily standing beside the couch, eyeing her with concern. "Excuse me?" She felt oddly breathless.

"I'm not being nosey," the girl added tentatively, walking around and placing herself beside Lily. "It's just that you look… upset."

"Not upset," Lily replied, finding her voice to be a little higher than usual. "I feel a bit sick actually." She pushed her hair back from her face, taking a long breath. Then she realised she hadn't needed to put down her butterbeer first. Where had that gone? 

"I know we're not the best of friends Lily," Cecily added, catching her attention. "But if you want to talk about it…" She trailed off as though Lily was supposed to understand what she was referring to. Lily did not.

"Did you see me holding a butterbeer earlier?"

Cecily gave her an odd look. "Pardon?"

"Never mind," Lily muttered, shaking her head. "I think I'm going mad. No, I _am_ going mad." She glanced over her shoulder spotting James sat with Remus at a table in the corner. She'd always considered herself a rather sensible girl who was always very much in control of her own feelings and actions. Sirius Black on the other hand was a notorious _idiot_. The idea of him being right about something like this was just _ridiculous_! But he might actually be that – right. God, she really was mad.

"Everyone else can see it," she muttered unconsciously. How had that happened?

"I know," Cecily replied, sounding hesitant. Lily turned back to the girl with raised eyebrows. Even Cecily knew! The girl continued. "But you mustn't get upset. I've always admired you for being so strong – when people call you…Mudblood." She whispered the word. "Don't let something like this get you down. You should confront him," she added, sounding very resolute all of a sudden. "It's just not right. Don't you let him get away."

Lily had always considered Cecily to a rather mild mannered girl; she and Ethel kept pretty much to themselves and she was surprised to hear the girl sound so interested and determined. In fact, come to think of it, she didn't know how Cecily had become so knowledgeable about her situation at all. Perhaps her late night whispers about James with Dorcas and Emmeline hadn't been very quiet at all. 

"I feel like such an idiot," Lily confessed feeling ashamed. She'd been terrible to James and all because she was too stupid to see what was right in front of her. She'd been given a second chance with James but in trying to save the friendship again had she stopped it from developing into something better? Something that was so obvious?

"You're not an idiot, Lily," Cecily offered kindly.

Lily smiled at her but could not help the butterflies in her stomach at the thought of confessing to James that she had been wrong all along. "He's going to think I'm a complete nut," she grumbled thinking how not two minutes ago she'd pretty much told the guy she wanted nothing to do with him.

"I think you have every right to make a scene."

Lily glanced over at her again. "You do?"

Cecily nodded.

Lily bit her lip in thought wondering if James would even speak to her now. What if she'd upset him so much that he refused to listen to her confession? Lily shook her head. "What will I say to him?"

Cecily looked a little taken aback at being addressed for such important advice, and then thoughtful. She glanced back at Lily with a devilish look Lily had never seen on the girl before. "Tell him he's a pig. Tell him so everyone hears; that'll show him."

Lily's mouth dropped open involuntarily. She wasn't quite sure what to say; Cecily looked so proud of herself for coming up with such a suggestion. "Gosh, Cecily," she began hesitantly. "I don't think that's really the best approach, do you? I am trying to apologise after all."

Cecily looked thoughtful nodded on instinct, but then she paused, her brow wrinkled in confusion. "Why would you apologise?"

Lily gaped at her. "Because I've been a cold hearted bitch and broke his heart?"

Cecily shifted in her seat looking thoroughly embarrassed. "We're not talking about John, are we?"

"We're talking about John?"

Cecily averted her eyes, looking awkward. "Obviously not. Sorry, I thought that maybe Sirius came to tell you – I thought that's what you meant when you said everyone knew – not that I knew of course, I just saw them and I thought I should tell you."

This time Lily frowned in confusion. "Them?"

Cecily turned slightly, and Lily followed her line of sight to where John and Judy were unmistakably kissing in a corner. The area was shielded by a set of curtains – the boys sure had this party planned to every detail with a special area for snogging couples – but it looked as though someone had left it open just a tad and it was just enough so that their was no mistaking the people inside. "I'm sorry Lily," she added apologetically. "I just thought someone should tell you."

Lily merely huffed as she watched the two try to eat each other's faces off right in the middle of the party, in blatant view of everyone. It was funny; out in the courtyard that night they had looked almost romantic. Here they looked like a couple of drunks, inexpertly trying to maul each other. It was disgusting. But what was more disgusting was the fact that they were being so obvious. Didn't he care that she might see him? That someone like Cecily might see and come and tell her? Didn't he care that seeing this for the first time might come as such a shock that she would spill butterbeer on her expensive new dress and sandals and cry herself to sleep, missing her – _Peter's_ – eighteenth birthday party?

"Are you okay?" Cecily hesitantly interrupted her thoughts.

"He is such an insensitive prick," Lily muttered, glaring at the couple. A few students turned away with odd looks as they passed the open curtains, no doubt speculating on the status of Lily Evans' and John Willis' relationship. Looking about now she could see a few people looking directly at her as though wondering if she had seen yet or what she was going to do about it.

"Do you want to go back to the dorms?" Cecily offered kindly. "I'll come with you."

"No," Lily replied with a sigh, her eyes flicking back to the girl. "I'm fine."

Cecily eyed her sceptically. "Are you sure?"

Lily even surprised herself as she caught herself smiling. "You know, I'm just glad that's not me." People around the room were looking at John right now like he was a piece of filth – everyone knew he was supposedly dating the Head Girl. If she had kissed James they would all be looking at _her_ like that. It was an awful feeling. Instead they were looking at Lily with pity. She didn't need it though – she was through with John and she'd long got over the shock of his 'affair'. It came to her quite suddenly that it really was time to get over this whole thing. It had taken over her life for too long and James had suffered for it too. She would break up with him – quietly – after the party. She was so ready to move on with _everything_.

"Oh." Cecily looked a bit unsure of where to proceed. "Well, is there anything I can do?"

Lily glanced over her shoulder, scanning the room. James was still sat with Remus, slumped over a table at the far side. Remus looked rather helpless, speaking occasionally but James only appeared to ignore him. The former caught her eye but his expression was hard to read – something akin to anger, which was understandable. Yes, it really was time to move on with everything. Tonight she was determined to set everything the way it should be. She smiled at him before turning back to Cecily.

"Thanks, Cecily," Lily told her. "I'm glad we spoke."

Cecily may have muttered something in response but Lily didn't really hear as she crossed the party room, sidestepping the happy guests as she made her way toward her goal. Remus looked up expectantly where as James turned purposely away.

"Mind if I have a word with James?" she asked, hoping to sound as normal as possible while her heart hammered in her chest.

Remus glanced at his friend who did nothing in response, and got to his feet hesitantly. "I'll just be, ah-"

"They're on the dance floor," Lily provided happily.

"Thanks," Remus nodded. He quickly scuttled out of her path, glancing back over his shoulder, not that Lily noticed as she dropped into his seat opposite James. His eyes were brimming though he wore a determined expression that said he refused to cry in public. She hated knowing that she had made him feel that way.

"What do you want?" he muttered grimly, still not looking at her.

Lily refused to rise to it, though instinct told her to snap back at him she merely smiled. She could play it off coolly – this was supposed to be a nice moment, not another argument. She didn't care that it was completely embarrassing to be admitting how she felt after telling him to fuck off moments before. So much time had been wasted already because of her. She would tell him exactly how she felt. Right now. "To be honest, I was just thinking about how much I'd like to snog you again."

His whole body seemed to stiffen before he slowly turned his face toward her, his nose wrinkled in distaste or confusion. "What?"

"Well it sounded cooler in my head," she muttered. "Look, I need to apologise to you – I've been-"

"You want to kiss me," he cut her off. 

"Well…yes, I suppose I do," she agreed. "But before that, I wanted to say-"

But James took her by surprise, getting sharply to his feet and reaching across the table to take her by the wrist. He pulled her to her feet and literally dragged her across the room until they stood in plain sight of John and Judy, still trying to devour each other with the curtain open. She stumbled to a halt, completely speechless at his reaction. What was wrong with him?

"James?"

He was aggressive, careless, his expression hard, and she whined suddenly as her skin twisted in his firm grip. Finally he released her arm, but only to pull her possessively to him by her hips. She gasped. A number of people nearby turned to watch the odd display with interest.

"I hate you for doing this to me," he hissed into her ear, sounding tearful. "I fucking hate you." He pulled back and she could see the pain in his eyes and she realised he'd got it all wrong.

"No," she said quickly, noticing the stares of the people around them. "This isn't about them," she added, glancing toward John.

"Of course," he replied, still sounding bitter. "It's about you. It's always about you."

Before she could object to his assumptions he had yanked her forcefully to her again and there was no time to register the surprise on her face as he crashed his mouth to hers. She tried to pull back but he had her in a vice grip, refusing to let her go. He was demanding, instigating their routine with one hand on the back of her head at all times, crushing her to him. When she wouldn't cooperate he bit at her lower lip, causing her to gasp so that he might plunge his tongue in her mouth. She tasted her own blood. His free hand squeezed her too hard instead of the soft caresses she was used to. She didn't like it at all. 

"Get the fuck off my girlfriend!"

Suddenly it all stopped and she felt as though James was ripped apart from her. She saw everybody staring at them; some looking intrigued, others confused, but the thing that caught her attention the most was John pulling James back by his hair. He cried out, a low growl of pain and Lily gasped, her hands covering her mouth. She felt the sticky feel of blood on her fingers and pulled them away in disgust.

"Johnny! Johnny stop it!"

A crowd had gathered and Judy could be heard over the shouting and music, screaming at John to stop as he dragged James backwards. John ignored her as she began shouting at the other boy. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" he yelled, letting go of James as he fell to the floor.

Lily found herself speechless, unable to make herself move to stop the fight that was going on before her. She saw Sirius and Remus trying to push through the crowd and could hear Dorcas shouting her name but it was soon lost in the cries of the mass of people around her.

James quickly got to his feet, retrieving his wand and scowling at his attacker as he aimed it threateningly. "Don't make me use this," he hissed. Everyone knew that James was an O-grade student and quick with a wand– one shot and John would go down like a ton of bricks. 

They had never really planned what they would say after John had seen them kissing. They weren't sure if John would wait until after the party to see Lily about it privately or if he'd confront them then and there, but it was clear now that he had chosen the latter. Lily had imagined in her head that if that were the case she would tell him all about seeing him with Judy and then she and James would flaunt away arm in arm leaving John speechless. Right now she didn't want to speak to John and she didn't want to leave with James either. She hadn't wanted to go through with any of this at all.

"I should be hexing you!" John growled, bravely (or stupidly) appearing non-perturbed by the threat. "Teach you to keep your dirty mouth away from my girlfriend!"

James smirked. "Maybe she likes it when I use my mouth on her."

There was a gasp from the crowd followed by instant chatter and the crude suggestion wasn't lost on Lily. James glanced at her as though waiting for her to join in – to tell John she was though with him for cheating on her – but the only thing that escaped her lips was-

"NO!"

_SMACK!_

Her warning came too late as John lunged at James, hitting him square in the face and James went down hard. Something went _crunch_ and she was sure James' nose had been broken. The blood that began streaming down his face confirmed her suspicions. Instinct told her to drop to her knees and help him but her feet remained firmly planted on the ground. He was looking up at her with a scowl – as though she had been the one to hit him.

"Lily," John called her attention, stepping toward her with outstretched arms.

"Don't touch me," she spat, knocking his hands out of the way. She finally crouched beside James, mainly in an attempt to get away from John, and tentatively touched his face. He mirrored her previous action, slapping her fingers away. "James, please-"

He got to his feet with a little help from Remus who had just appeared behind him having found his way to the front. Sirius made a lunge toward John but James pulled him back. "Leave him," he ordered darkly. "He's not even fucking worth it." Lily and most of the audience watched in shock as the three boys pushed their way roughly back through the crowds and out of view.

"Are you alright?" John tried again; taking her by the arm while her back was turned.

"I said don't touch me!" she cried, pulling out of his grip and shoving him in the chest. He was a large boy and it did nothing but jolt him a little. She turned on her heel again intent on following the three Marauders. The gossiping crowds parted willingly for her as she made a dash for the exit. She could hear John calling her name and Judy calling his.

"Lily, wait."

"Johnny! Johnny, come back."

"Lily!"

"Johnny! Johnny just forget her!"

"Let go of me woman! Lily!"

She ignored them all, stepping out into the cold corridor outside and slamming the door shut behind her. James was nowhere to be seen. 

_And for those who didn't know the lyrics…_

Judy's turn to cry

'Cause now, it's Judy's turn to cry  
Judy's turn to cry, Judy's turn to cry  
'Cause Johnny's come back (Johnny's come back, come back) to me

Oh, when Judy left with Johnny at my party (my party)  
And came back wearing his ring,  
I sat down and cried my eyes out  
Now, that was a foolish thing

'Cause now, it's Judy's turn to cry  
Judy's turn to cry, Judy's turn to cry  
'Cause Johnny's come back (Johnny's come back, come back) to me

Well, it hurt me so to see them dance together (together)  
I felt like making a scene  
Then, my tears just fell like raindrops  
'Cause Judy's smile was so mean

But now, it's Judy's turn to cry  
Judy's turn to cry, Judy's turn to cry  
'Cause Johnny's come back (Johnny's come back, come back) to me

(Instrumental bridge)

Oh, one night I saw them kissin' at a party (a party)  
So, I kissed some other guy  
Johnny jumped up and he hit him  
'Cause he still loved me, that's why

So now, it's Judy's turn to cry  
Judy's turn to cry, Judy's turn to cry  
'Cause Johnny's come back (Johnny's come back, come back) to me

Yay, now, it's Judy's turn to cry  
Judy's turn to cry, Judy's turn to cry  
(fade out) 


	13. Chapter 13

13.

"So what's the plan?"

Lily turned over in her bed, trying to ignore Dorcas as she climbed on beside her. "I dunno," she replied sulkily. "It's too early; leave me alone."

Dorcas could not be disturbed by the cold morning greeting, making herself comfortable beneath the duvet. "Yes, but I know you haven't slept a wink thinking about it," she said knowingly, playing with Lily's hair on the pillow. "Come on, lets get dressed; I'll help you find James."

"He doesn't want to see me."

"Course he does; he loves you, doesn't he?"

"I wouldn't be so sure." Lily had been dwelling on the fact al night. _I hate you. _That's what he had said to her. _I hate you. _

Dorcas sighed heavily and Lily turned herself over revealing her puffy eyes. "Oh Lily, you really didn't sleep at all did you?"

A wave of emotion passed over Lily on seeing her friend's pitiful reaction and she felt herself breaking down without her consent. Dorcas pulled her into a hug as Lily hid her face in the pillow and sobbed quietly. Somehow she'd managed to hold off all night on the crying, too busy staring at the ceiling but seeing nothing but James' face the moment before he walked out on her.

"Aww, don't cry. What's the matter?" Dorcas added, rubbing her back gently.

Lily lifted her head from the pillow, looking at her friend incredulously. What was the matter? Like it wasn't obvious enough? "He hates me!"

"Shh, you'll wake the others."

"I don't care!"

Dorcas actually laughed a little and Lily hid her face again. She didn't take kindly to being ridiculed when her heart was breaking.

"Don't be so silly," Dorcas told her, trying and failing to make Lily look her in the eye again. "Look Lily," she huffed, giving up on pulling the pillow away. "People don't fall out of love just like that, all right? Have you been upsetting yourself all night thinking he doesn't want to see you again or something?" Lily's silence was enough to confirm Dorcas' suspicions. "I thought you didn't want James to love you anyway; why get yourself all worked up over it?" Again, Lily's silence spoke for her. Dorcas only hugged her tighter.

The majority of partygoers were sleeping off hangovers and it was no surprise that many of the sixth and seventh years didn't emerge from their dorms and common rooms until long after lunch. Lily wasn't sure if the Marauder's absence was hangover induced or due to the fact that they were purposely ignoring her. She sat with Dorcas and Emmeline by the fire until after three, contemplating what she might say to James if he finally came down, but mostly they lounged about in thoughtful silence with Lily feeling sorry for herself. Finally Emmeline declared that she couldn't take it anymore and insisted they at least go for a walk.

It was a bad idea.

"Lily!"

She cringed, turning her back on the caller as though stupidly thinking he would not recognise her this way. Dorcas and Emmeline shared worried looks but his heavy footsteps retreated all of a sudden and Lily turned to see John hurrying back around a corner as a new voice made itself heard.

"Miss Evans, my office if you please." Lily had never been more relieved to have McGonagall breathing down her neck. "Don't think I can't see you Mr Willis," she added shrilly. "Follow me." Lily had got to know the Professor well since her appointment as Prefect back in fifth year and more so as Head Girl. She was miffed about something – it was in the precise tone of her voice and the flare of her nostrils. She was in trouble and so was John. The teachers knew about the party – or at least the fight.

Dorcas and Emmeline gave subtle waves as the Professor turned on her heel, marching the way down to her office. Lily turned to follow, but not before spying John emerge from behind his corner, jogging a little to catch up. He fell into step with her and Lily could sense him trying to catch her gaze. At one point she noticed him trying to take her hand but she folded her arms tight across her chest, ignoring him as best she could until they came to a stop outside the office and Lily was ushered inside. John was ordered to wait in the hall and they made brief eye contact before the door was closed. It was odd to see him looking truly sorry.

The Professor crossed her path, moving to her desk, and having been in this office so many times before for meetings Lily didn't not wait for an invite, taking a seat in the opposite chair. The Professor took a moment before speaking to retrieve a tartan tin from the draw of her desk, removing the lid and placing it in the centre. Lily helped herself to a Ginger Newt as did the Professor and the two women took a moment of silence as they crunched their way through the treats in thought.

"Anything to say for yourself?"

Lily sighed, wiping away a few crumbs on the back of her hand as she leaned her elbows on the desk. She wasn't actually sure why she was in trouble - because of the party or because she was at the centre of the dispute between James and John. Considering John was waiting outside she hoped for the latter. "There wasn't a lot I could do, really. John pulled his wand on James then James said something stupid so John clobbered him one. I really don't-"

"I've asked John Willis here on another matter," the Professor interrupted with a small, almost indistinguishable smile. "Although I'll be sure to address him on that matter also," she added.

Lily bit her lip. Now she'd possibly just got James in further trouble. "He didn't retaliate, you know," she tried awkwardly. "I mean, he was waving his wand about a fait bit but he didn't fire anything off - he just walked away in the end. John was the one that-"

"Thank you," the Professor nodded. "I'll speak to the students involved personally." Lily felt her hopes drop. McGonagall offered her another biscuit.

"Thank you," she muttered.

"At least that explains how the Head Boy ended up in the hospital wing."

Lily tried not to look too interested in James' situation, but she was glad to know what had happened to him. Perhaps he hadn't been avoiding her completely.

"Stupid, stubborn boy," McGonagall added in a mutter. It was almost three thirty; Lily could just imagine James refusing to visit the hospital wing out of stubbornness and probably a hangover; suffering through a broken nose all night and morning until McGonagall came to reprimand him for the party and sent him off to Madame Pomfrey.

"I know you take your responsibilities as Head Girl very seriously," McGonagall began, drawing Lily out of her thoughts. "And far from me to disapprove of a student's birthday celebrations, I have been very lenient in the past. Don't think I don't know about all those parties in Gryffindor Tower. But really, Lily? Alcohol? Students out of their common rooms and up til all hours? You have NEWTs approaching, and I _know_ I don't have to tell you how serious that is."

Lily dropped her gaze to the desk in front of her. She considered making excuses but wasn't sure where to start. "They planned it very carefully so that the younger students wouldn't-" But upon glancing back at the Professors face again she fell silent. It was useless.

"Did you even try to stop it?"

The thought had never even entered her head. This party was a way of getting what she wanted. Then when she hadn't wanted it anymore she had been too worked up in her own problems to even consider what might happen if they were caught.

"I'm very disappointed," the Professor sighed, sitting back in her chair.

Lily nodded; accepting whatever punishment the Professor was about to throw her way. "Are you suspending me?" she asked dismally, fingering her Head Girl badge.

The Professor considered her for a moment before rising from her chair. Lily followed suit. "It wasn't your party after all," McGonagall finally spoke, ushering Lily toward the door. "However, Madame Pomfrey is running low on hangover potions," she added with a sigh. "You can assist Professor Slughorn; I'm sure he'll be grateful for some competent assistance for a change. Detention starts at seven PM, don't be late."

"Yes Professor."

"And Lily?"

She stopped with her hand around the knob, glancing back at the Professor. "Yes?"

"Are you quite alright?"

Lily did not miss the look of concern in the Professors eyes as she looked over the Head Girl's face, taking in her puffy eyes and coming to a halt at Lily's mouth. She mechanically licked the sore on her lip where James had bit her.

"Not really," Lily replied honestly. "But it was my own fault I suppose; I'll be okay."

Her first detention since becoming a prefect. Lily was not proud but she had to force herself not to be too cocky about the easy punishment. Potions was her best subject and she hardly considered the task of making hangover cures to be hard work. But she was snapped back into sudden reality of the situation as she found herself standing between James and John, chopping ingredients in silence while Professor Slughorn rattled on about his plans for the Easter holidays, as if any of them were supposed to care.

The tension in the room was ridiculous; only someone as self important as Professor Slughorn would not notice as the three of them worked in silence, awkwardly trying to stand too close to each other and muttering uncomfortable apologies if any of them should accidentally reach for the same knife. She wondered how Remus, Sirius and Peter had been lucky enough to get away with scrubbing the trophy room.

Lily had tried to catch James's eye but he was awfully stubborn. She wondered if he knew she had told McGonagall about the fight and he was sulking over it or if this was how things were just going to be between them now.

"Not yet!" Slughorn ceased his blabber as she caught James' hand when he attempted to add the dandelion petals to the cauldron. He was tense beneath her touch and refused to look at her. "You have to stir it first," she added in softer tones, releasing his wrist slowly. She picked up the spoon, handing it to him as a friendly gesture.

"Miss Evans, always on the ball," Slughorn announced proudly. Lily ignored the compliment.

"Thank you," James uttered quietly, finally looking her in the eye. His expression was unreadable; completely blank, but his voice was pleasant enough. She smiled hopefully but his eyes flickered to her broken lip and his eyebrows knitted tightly togther.

CRASH!

"Oh Mr Willis, can't you be more careful?"

Lily visibly jumped as John dropped a vile of armadillo bile, the glass shattering across the stone floor.

"I'm sorry Professor," John said quickly, though Lily noticed his gaze flashed to her and James. "Allow me to repair it." He reached for his wand.

"No, no, no," Slughorn muttered irritably, waddling around to their side of the table to inspect the mess for himself. "It's too late; it's contaminated." The entire mess vanished into thin air as Slughorn waved his own wand over the floor. "Fetch a new vile," he told John, still with an irritable tone. John scurried off to the storeroom, glancing at Lily and James over his shoulder and knocking into several stools on his way. "Oh Miss Evans, do help him," Slughorn added hopelessly, shaking his head. Lily grudgingly followed in John's footsteps as she heard the Professor muttering to James about the cost of good armadillo bile these days.

John stood in the centre of the store cupboard, looking around at the cluttered shelves. "Second from the top," she said, hoping to sound as indifferent as possible. "On the left."

John had obvious not sensed her enter and turned to her in surprise. "Lily," he began with a desperate tone.

"Get the vile John," she cut him off coldly, inspecting the shelf beside her. She sensed him back off and begin to climb the wooden ladder.

"You can't avoid me forever," he said quietly, reaching for the vile.

"I can sure try," she muttered, stepping forward to take it from him.

He held it out of reach on purpose, disappointment written all over his face. "What happened to you Lily? When did you become so cruel?"

"Round about the time I found my boyfriend having it off with another girl at some party," she replied coolly.

"I was drunk," he began, but Lily cut him off with a loud scoff, reaching on her toes and snatching the vile from his grasp. "I know it's a crap excuse," he continued desperately, descending the ladder. "But I wasn't in my right mind last night. It was just a kiss – she doesn't mean anything to me, I swear."

Lily pulled away as he tried to reach out for her. "I'm talking about _my_ party, John. There's no point in denying it; I've known all along."

It took a moment for him to realise what she was saying before his eyes squeezed shut in mortification and he swore under his breath. "Merlin Lily, I'm so…I don't know what to-"

"It doesn't matter," she cut him off. He looked at her in mild surprise. "I don't need excuses – I don't even need an apology," Lily said evenly. "It wouldn't mean much anyway. We're over, that's all there is to it." It felt so good to finally say those words. It felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off her chest and she willed herself not to smile.

He was speechless for moment. "That can't be it," he said finally, sounding flabbergasted by her aloofness. "It can't. I mean, we were just discussing Valentine's Day. This can't be it!"

Lily blinked.

"You're not _serious_."

"Professor Slughorn is waiting for his bile." She made to leave the room but John reached out, catching her by the sleeve of her robes. He released her immediately upon catching her vehement expression.

"Give me a second chance Lily," he hissed. "_Please_."

She shrugged. "You're really not worth it." Again she made for the exit.

"It's Potter, isn't it?" he spat, though his voice wavered. "How long have you been seeing him?"

"I'm not _with_ anyone," Lily replied honestly, pausing to turn around and face him again.

"You kissed him."

"I did," she admitted calmly. There seemed no point in hiding the truth. "Have been, rather. Since January if you must know."

"Before or-"

"_After_," she cut in bitterly. "We were already history, I can assure you."

"Do you love him?"

She paused, glancing back toward the classroom. "No," she said truthfully. "But I sure do fancy him a great deal I suppose."

"Slughorn needs that bile," a strong voice cut in. Lily turned to see James in the doorway looking irritable. "Stop dicking about." He disappeared from view again with a glare toward John. Lily made to follow him.

"I'm not ready to let you go yet," John stopped her, sounding more distressed than ever. "I _love_ you, Lily. I know I don't say it enough but surely you kn-"

"Men don't need to fuck other girls when they're with somebody they love," she told him simply. He gaped at her wordlessly as she finally headed back into the classroom. "I hope you get your ring back before your mother finds out."

Lily was released early from the detention as Professor McGonagall had probably determined. Lily offered to stay as she had hoped to speak to James on the way back up to the Tower but although Slughorn was sorry to see her go, he insisted she get a good night's rest. Lily did not return to her dorm though, sitting against the wall a little further along the corridor so she still had a good view of the classroom door. It seemed like hours had passed before either of the boys emerged.

"You should have gone back, it's freezing down here."

Lily awoke from a light sleep to find James standing over her. She wasn't even aware she had nodded off. "What time is it?" she spoke groggily, rubbing her eyes.

"A little after midnight." He extended a hand to her and she took it, allowing him to pull her to her feet. His hands were wonderfully warm and she was sorry when he released her own soon after, realising how cold she actually was.

"What happened to John?" she asked cautiously.

"Slughorn made us leave separately. Afraid we'd try to kill each other I guess. You didn't see him pass?"

Lily shook her head. "Guess I was asleep." They had automatically begun a slow walk toward Gryffindor Tower and Lily realised they were actually maintaining a civilised conversation.

"McGonagall suspended me."

Lily glanced up at him and then back at their path. She knew she should console him but her first reaction was one of selfishness; she didn't want him to go away. "Do you have to leave?" she asked finally, trying not to sound too desperate. "Surely you can just be confined to the Tower or-"

He interrupted her with a slight chuckle, causing her to look up at him again in alarm. "As Head," he told her with a small smile. "She took my badge." Lily realised that he was not in fact wearing the shiny Head Boy badge on his robes. "She wouldn't kick me out so close to NEWTs," he continued, sounding casual about it now. "And we still have a Quidditch trophy to win."

Lily allowed a small smile. She was happy to discover he did not in fact hate her as much as he had made out and was being friendly, but she desperately wanted to discuss the more serious matter of their relationship, or whatever was left of it.

"Looks like you can have Moony back as your old patrol partner," he added. "They won't be replacing me so it looks like you'll be running all the meetings by yourself, but I'll still help you with the paperwork if you like, and-"

"James?"

He stopped speaking, his expression turning serious as he looked down into her anxious face. They came to a halt at the bottom of a flight of stairs. "I'm sorry about this," he said, bringing a hand to her chin and allowing his thumb to lightly touch her lip. Lily nearly died at the gentle contact. "I was out of hand, I shouldn't have said that I-"

"God, James," Lily sighed, moving out of his grasp. "Just stop, will you?" He frowned, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'm the one that should be apologising. All you ever do is _care_ and I'm so ungrateful for it. You _should_ hate me; you have every right to."

He shrugged. "I tried…It doesn't seem to work."

She laughed despite herself. "Don't," she said, forcing herself not to smile. She was trying to have a serious conversation.

"Sorry."

She glanced at her shoes. "I need to apologise for how I've treated you recently – the things I said – I know it doesn't take back everything that happened but I just wanted you to know, despite the fact that I'm a - a heartless bitch - I really…I mean I…I wanted you to know that I...that you were-" What was she supposed to say? _You were right; turns out I do like you after all! _ It sounded so pathetic.

"I know, Lily." She looked up at him in surprise. "I heard you talking to Willis." Lily felt herself flush. "But don't worry," he added, reaching out again and tilting her chin up so that she was forced to look at him. "It's a good thing; I like you a little bit too as it happens." She found herself laughing again. "And Sirius helped me figure out what an idiot I was last night; completely off the mark there."

Lily pursed her lips, not sure whether to agree or not and tell him he was an idiot directly. She chose the safer route, looping her arm in his and leading him back toward the Tower. "Sirius has an odd knack for that, doesn't he," she smiled. "Helping idiots find their way."

"He didn't punch you too did he?"

Lily gaped at him. "You're kidding."

"Sadly not," James sighed, unconsciously bringing a hand to his stomach. "Sadly not."

Lily shook her head, pressing herself closer to him to steal his body heat. She found it rather hard to believe that she was finally allowed to do that, and that she actually had Sirius Black to thank for it.

James spoke the password as they reached the portrait and Lily released his arm as she stepped into the deserted common room. The fire was almost out making the place seem less welcoming than usual and she waited awkwardly by a sofa as James closed the portrait behind him. They had reached that point of 'what now?'

"We should probably head up, it's late," he told her, motioning toward the staircases. She was thankful for some sort of direction though she did not miss the awkwardness in his voice either.

"Yeah," Lily nodded, stepping toward the girl's staircase and sensing him not far behind. They came to a halt at the bottom. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Try and stop me."

They each smiled at the other until Lily could bare the tension no longer and took the first step. It was like waiting to see if he would kiss her at the end of the first date but she had already kissed him a dozen times before. It was a truly bizarre feeling.

"Hey Lily?"

She spun back to face him quickly. "Yeah?"

"Go out with me?"

A burst of involuntary laughter spilled form her until she realised he was entirely serious. "You really had to ask?"

He grinned. "Of course. Is that a yes?"

"What do you think?" he punched him playfully in the chest. "Idiot."

His grin widened until he looked positively ecstatic. "Night Lily."

Her heart thumped wildly as he leaned in for a kiss but they each pulled back abruptly at an odd sound. Lily frowned. "You hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"You don't hear that rustling noise?"

"Wormtail you fuck! They were gonna kiss!" Sirius' voice pierced the silence and one, two, three, four, five, six, _seven_ heads appeared over the back of a sofa. The rest of the Marauders and Lily's entire dorm peered at them with embarrassment.

"Hi," Dorcas uttered guiltily. "Um, we were just-"

"Looking for raisins," Remus interrupted. "I think Cecily dropped some so, um…" He trailed off with Cecily looking panic stricken.

James cleared his throat. "We're just going to-"

"Yeah," three or four them responded in unison. "We'll just…keep looking," Remus added awkwardly. "You guys go on ahead."

"Oh for fuck's sake," James muttered rather irritably all of a sudden. "Bloody well get on with it."

Lily shared an odd look with Dorcas and Emmeline who grinned back before they all struggled to their feet and Sirius heaved a large badly half-wrapped parcel onto the couch. "We weren't quite finished," he huffed with a scowl in poor Peter's direction. He looked very sorry. "Was supposed to be a surprise in the morning."

One glance and Lily knew exactly what it was. "The Turbo Turntable Two Thousand," she said in a breathy voice. "But how?"

James cleared his throat. Lily couldn't believe it. "What happened to Quidditch tickets?"

"Oh Lily," Dorcas scoffed. "There were no Quidditch tickets. For the smartest witch in the year you really aren't very bright."

"There _would_ have been Quidditch tickets," Sirius argued. "If I was allowed any say in the matter."

Lily laughed, stepping forward to pull Sirius into a hug over the back of the couch. "Thank you."

"Yeah whatever," he muttered, trying to maintain his sulky exterior but letting a small smile slip. Lily pretended she didn't notice.

Another throat clearing of the throat brought her attention back to James. "And that _you_ of course."

"Yes, thank you James," Dorcas and Emmeline chimed in.

"Yeah, yeah," he said with a smile, waving his hand at them in an absent manner. "Do you guys mind? We were kind of in the middle of something."

There was a muttering of 'go ahead's' and apologies from the group as Lily exchanged winks with Dorcas and Emmeline, allowing James to take her hand and lead her back to the staircase. He kicked a brick beside the bottom step and to Lily's great surprise, began to lead her _up_ the girl's staircase and to her dorm without it turning into a helter-skelter. "That certainly explains the invites," she commented, opening the door and leading him into the room. She was relieved to discover it had been tidied. "I'd always wondered how-ooo!"

James grasped her by the arm, drawing her close to him. The familiar feel of his body against hers was very welcome. "Kiss now, talk later," he muttered, taking hold of either side of her face.

"Rather demanding, aren't you?" she giggled.

"Hush, you are determined to ruin our first kiss."

"_First_?"

"First," he said intently, brining his lips within an inch of her mouth. She closed her eyes expectantly. "You've never kissed _me_ before in your life." And he was right. Because James Potter didn't kiss like the person she'd been snogging for the past month at all. He was slower and deliberate, taking his time to run his hands through her hair and down her back. But it was familiar because it was James, and this time Lily didn't find she wanted to hurry things at all.

"Yours?"

She hadn't even notice them travel across the room as James waved his hand toward the nearest bed. Emmeline would never forgive her. "This one," she uttered, kissing his neck as she pushed him toward her own, finally landing in a tangled heap amongst her pillows. Lily laughed, going to work along the collum of his neck.

"Ow!"

"Oh you big softy," she breathed against his skin.

"No, there's really something digging into my back!" She paused long enough for him to dislodge the offending object, wishing they'd chosen Emmeline's bed after all. "Wow, you really move fast don't you?" he said with a chuckle. "My size too, nice work."

Her eyes widened in surprise at the sight of a box of condoms – one of the boxes Dorcas had given to her for her birthday. The stupid bitch probably thought she was being funny; leaving them out on Lily's bed as a joke. She was going to _kill_ Dorcas. James on the other hand simply laughed, pulling her down to him and kissing her again, the other hand sliding over her bum. Lily began to panic. She'd never actually denied being a virgin that time. Surely he didn't think she wanted to…right now…she didn't have a clue what she was doing!

"They're not mine," she hastened to explain, pulling away from him suddenly and feeling her face burn as she tried desperately to shove the box of condoms under the bed. "I mean, they are, but, um…" Lily buried her reddening face in his robes with a groan. She really was going to kill Dorcas. "I can't do this," she muttered into his chest. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, Lily…"

Slowly she raised her head feeling terribly embarrassed. James smiled again, using both hands to rub her back in a comforting manner.

"What would you say to hot chocolate right about now?"

She opened her mouth but found she was unable to say anything as he smiled adoringly back at her. "Sounds great," she finally uttered, feeling oddly tearful. "It's not too late?"

"Lily," he said, leaning forward to kiss her on her forehead sweetly. "For you, I have all the time in the world..."

**Yes, that was the last chapter of It's My Party. Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed; I hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing this fic. If you want to catch any of my other stories they're over at hpfzforums although I'll transfer them all here eventually. **

**Some people said they weren't aware this fic was based on a song. I initially began planning the story with Leslie Gore's 'It's My Party' in mind and by chance discovered there was a follow up song called 'Judy's turn to Cry' which fitted almost exactly with how I intended the rest of the story to go (that is, having Lily kiss James at the next party). Here are the lyrics for anyone who doesn't know them…**

_It's My Party – Leslie Gore_

_Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone  
Judy left the same time  
Why was he holding her hand  
When he's supposed to be mine_

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to  
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to  
You would cry too if it happened to you

Playin' my records, keep dancin' all night  
Leave me alone for a while  
'Till Johnny's dancin' with me  
I've got no reason to smile

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to  
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to  
You would cry too if it happened to you

Judy and Johnny just walked through the door  
Like a queen with her king  
Oh what a birthday surprise  
Judy's wearin' his ring

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to  
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to  
You would cry too if it happened to you  



End file.
